If I say something to DDs friend?

[Teddybeau1988]

DD,9, had two school friends sleep over last night.

My 5 y o dd wanted to join in. She wasnt being annoying, just quite happy to sit and watch their film quietly.

One of the friends made quite a few 'you need to go now. Your not sleeping with us' comments to her and this morning keeps telling her to go away which in abit about.

Would you say something or just never invite that child back as dd is abit sad now

Whether you would/op should keep the 5yo awY is neither here nor there.

She did allow her to sit and watch the movie with them! the 9yo guest doesn't get a say in that.

I'd have said "actually, x, we don't speak to people like that in this house and if I feel there is something dd should or should not be doing in her own home then it'll be me who tells her, not a guest"

She'd probably hate me...and I'd be fine with that

I have a child the same age and I'm pretty certain he'd pull his friend up on that sort of comment before I needed to. And if he felt the younger child shouldn't be there he'd come and have a word with me and I'd sort it. Rude children are not the norm and I certainly wouldn't just accept it.

And actually, if my child was happy with the younger sibling watching the movie with them then the friend certainly wouldn't get to override that.

But as the parent OP could have kept the 2 parties apart and so avoided the problem.

Yes, friend was rude, but may not have a younger sibling and may not like DD... friend is only 9 and wouldn't necessarily think beyond her own expectations.

Yes littler DD was being annoying to the older group, she wanted to join in, who wouldn't at that age? But it wasn't her sleepover.

So the only person who did anything 'wrong' was the OP - who can put it right next time by distracting little DD and giving the sleepover crew their own time and space next time.

Or is that too simplistic?

If my own child had no objection to younger sibling sitting there watching a movie then in my eyes there is no problem.

Visiting child may well prefer the younger child to disappear but as the responsible adult in that situation, if my reading of it is that there is no issue other than one child's preference then I'm fucked if ill be dictated to, or allow my child to be dictated to in her own home, by a guest. Especially when done so rudely.

If I had a friend over and they told my child to go away and leave us alone then that person would be out the door before even finishing their sentence. A 9yo can be given some slack and gently reminded they don't talk to people like that or make the rules in my home.

Bottom line is that if my own child didn't object to siblings presence then that's all I'm interested in.

I would be more shocked that a couple of nine year olds would welcome a five year old. My DD had a friend in primary school whose younger sister always wanted to be with them sleepovers/ following around at school and as she got older playing outside. It cost the girl friends, none of them where nasty but they didn't want someone younger hanging around. The only time I would probably combine the children is meal times.

Dd2 is 5 and doesn't really have her friends round for sleepovers yet so I think it's only fair that she gets to sit with the big ones for a bit.

Of course if she was irritating I would take her off and do something else but I still expect dd1 to let her join in for a bit. All dd1s friends have younger siblings so usually it doesn't come up.

Wow I'm surprised by how many thing little dd shouldn't be involved. Her sister genuinely didnt mind her watching a DVD with them, she even got out a film she knows dd likes.

I get that some wouldn't want a younger sibling tagging along in everything, but in this case they arrived here at 7pm after having a meal out and dd was in bed at 8.

That's really sweet of your older DD, it's nice that your girls have a good relationship. In your situation I'd be tempted to have a chat to your older DD and see how she felt about her friend's behaviour, did it bother her but she felt she couldn't speak up? Would she actually have preferred to have that time just with her friends but doesn't want to say so to her sister for fear of upsetting her or you? It could be a golden opportunity to help your DD think through how she manages interpersonal problems.