to want to bf DC to sleep at night?

[buckleuprosie]

First off, we're not busy 'sleep training' in the strict sense of the word. Second, dh helps out a lot. :)
DC is 7mths and not sleeping through. No problem, each to their own. She'll get there when she is ready right? We've had a few very good nights where she's only woken once or has woken and moaned a bit and then gone back to sleep after five or ten minutes.
But when she wakes up properly during the night and cries I find it easier just to pop her on the boob for a feed in bed (some feeds are short others longer depending on DC obvsly), let her fall back asleep, burp, and put back her back in the cot.
Dh however feels it is much better to pick DC up and walk her around a bit to try and get her to sleep again without the feed. He thinks it is better for DC to not get to reliant on waking up for feeds if eventually we want her to sleep through. Maybe that is a good point.
I'm not sure who is right but what I do know is it takes half an hour of crying when she's being walked back to sleep by dh vs 2 minutes of crying + average 15min feed + average 10min burb when I feed her back to sleep instead. And we can both doze during that time.
I get a bit irritated at night when dh says let's try walking her because for me it seems a no-brainer that we should feed, but obvsly if this is the better option maybe I should do this instead? It makes us both grumpier when we walk back to sleep vs when we feed back to sleep and I think DD also gets less sleep, but maybe IABU with a view of what is better long-term for us/DC?

Why does your husband feel the way he does about it?

It should be the method that works best to enable all of you to get some sleep, surely?

I feed my dc2 (7months) to sleep once or twice a night when he wakes and did the same with dc1. I tried the walking around and not feeding a couple nights with dc1 when he was this age and as you said both of us were frustrated, therefore returned to feeding to sleep. DC2 (2.6) has the occasional bottle now if he wakes at night, it's easier and allows us all to have a better night. I just think it's a really long time to go through the night without a drink and why should they be denied it. This works for us and it's not loads throughout the night so isn't problematic.

There's no right or wrong, but I went for the most sleep for the most people and fed DD to sleep every bedtime and every night waking until she stopped all by herself just before she turned 1.

I think it's fairly normal for a 7 month old to want a feed in the night. Two of mine still did. I fed in the night for as long as they wanted to and they all slept through before a year.

Mine also had night feeds at this age.

I feel that they are still very young & growing rapidly so I would rather feed.

A lot of people do try to break the night feeding habit so I guess it's whatever is best for you , I would've hated hearing mine cry knowing they could be hungry though .

7 months is still tiny. I fed to sleep far longer than that. Also co-slept, which meant we had very little disrupted sleep at all when DC were babies.

I did, with first DC, worry a bit about the whole "you must teach them to self-settle and sleep through ASAP or you'll be sorry!" mantra that comes at us from some angles in society, but I now believe that is a load of old cobblers. DC are 9 and 6 and we have never had any issue at all with them over sleep and bedtime.

YANBU
I'm completely mystified why anyone doesn't just feed to sleep and or co sleep.

Really Elephants, you're mystified?

OP, after your DH walks her around for half an hour does she go back to sleep until morning or is she likely to wake again?

There's no right or wrong answer, and you're not unreasonable to want to do the feed to sleep option.

I made the decision around seven-ish months that I wasn't feeding between midnight and 5am. My kid could go five hours between feeds and I knew we'd all benefit from a decent chunk of sleep.

Do what works for you and your husband. You're both parents and he gets a say too.

He thinks it is better for DC to not get to reliant on waking up for feeds if eventually we want her to sleep through.
I will never, ever, understand this "logic".

Breastfeeding your baby to sleep is what they and breastfeeding are designed for. Breastfeeding is what teaches babies to sleep well.

I co-slept and my son pretty much fed in his sleep. I fed him to sleep for as long as he needed it and he has been a brilliant sleeper, not to mention that I had fantastic sleep. Once he stopped needing to feed in the night, he has slept through the night without ever wakes because guess what, sleep has never ever been associated with waking up and being distressed in the night.

but what I do know is it takes half an hour of crying when she's being walked back to sleep by dh
Your DH is doing what is known as "farting against thunder" by trying to fight against 20 million years worth of mammalian instinct. Your baby knows what they need and what is supposed to work.

Ds is 16 months and still has about one feed at night and I feed him to sleep. We co sleep and its so easy, just plop the breast out and fall asleep.
Did the same for dd and she stopped when she was about 2. So I'm planning to do the same with ds.

Dd has no issues and sleeps in her own bed in her own room all night. And hopefully when the time is right for ds to move on so will he.

so piss off all you naySayers who kept telling me I was making a rod for my own back and dd would be a horrible clingy non sleeper.

I'm not the ideal person to answer here, as DS still cosleeps at 2 and will occasionally wake up for a feed around 11pm/midnight. But what we do works for us and we got enough sleep. He's fine to sleep through when I'm away or out late so he can do it, but when I'm right next to him, he will want to have a feed.

You might want to search for "night weaning" on here to get more discussions.

Think the more important thing is how you resolve the issue between yourself and your DH. Better to make a decision together and then let go of any grumpiness and "my way is better" during the night - if you change your mind, discuss it the next day.

To be honest, it sounds like your different approaches are what works best for you individually - when DP puts DS to bed, he walks him around and DS goes to sleep on his shoulder. If I try doing that DS won't have it. So I feed to sleep. Obviously this option is not so easy for DP . It's fine to have different approaches and DS gets that without any problem. So one way might be to divide night wakings between you for a while?

The other thing is that if you do want to change your approach to night wakings, discuss how you'll deal with stuff like teething or illness which tends to throw off their sleep pattern for a while.

My DS is 6 months old and tends to go to sleep at 8.30pm and wakes between 3-4am. At this time of waking it's usually been a good 9 hours since he last fed so I happily feed him back to sleep.

If after going to bed at 8.30pm he wakes up any earlier than 2am I tend to just pop him on my shoulder and rock him back to sleep.

Just do whatever feels right for you and your baby.

My DS is 6 months old and tends to go to sleep at 8.30pm and wakes between 3-4am. At this time of waking it's usually been a good 9 hours since he last fed so I happily feed him back to sleep.

If after going to bed at 8.30pm he wakes up any earlier than 2am I tend to just pop him on my shoulder and rock him back to sleep.

Just do whatever feels right for you and your baby.

I am another one who will tell you to feed to sleep. Makes much more sense than walking around in the middle of the night!

If she's settled back to sleep without the feed, does she normally sleep through the rest of the night afterwards?

DS2 (12 months) is a pretty good sleeper and normally sleeps through once he's down for the night, but when he wakes, it's usually because he's hungry. If I settle him down without feeding him, then 9 times out of 10 he'll be awake again crying within about half an hour. So yes, if he wakes in the night, I usually feed him to sleep.

No right or wrong. No one has the holy grail of parenting. 7 months is still little so personally I would feed.

We stopped night feeds and did the wonderful ( for us) cc on all our 4 at around 13/14 months. Worked brilliantly for all if us.

I think your dh may need to relax and go with the flow for a while yet but it's really a joking decision. If you are u happy with his method he should be respecting you and talking it through.

As I belive no one had the right way just the way that suits them as a family.

Joint not joking.

I think you should do exactly what you want to do. And your DH should accept whatever you decide, providing that you're prepared to manage your baby's nights yourself.

Are you're asking if your DH might be 'right' in thinking that it could prolong night wakenings to offer a feed and allow your baby to fall asleep on the boob? It could. But that doesn't matter if it's the way you want to do it for your child.

IMO, your baby doesn't 'need' that night feed and is more likely to wake up expecting it if she's in the habit of getting it. Again, it doesn't matter and you're not unreasonable to give it to her if you want to. If she's in the habit of falling asleep on the breast, she might also be more likely to need you to resettle her again if she wakes up again. I do feel a little bit sorry for babies who can't fall asleep except on the breast if their mum isn't there with them 24/7. Falling asleep on your own is a skill worth learning but it's your choice when to teach it.

Thanks everyone. DC wakes 2 -3 times a night for a feed. Bedtime is around 8pm, with waking generally around 11/12, 2/3 and 4.30/5.30.
It seem pretty unanimous that I should continue with the feeding if DC doesn't settle by herself after about five or so minutes after waking up during the night. I never let her cry fully without picking up, but if she is moaning I wait to see if she settles again without having to be fed. It sometimes happens.
lying I'm not sure. I think it has to do with feeling he does something to help get her back to sleep. If he is going to be awake in the middle of the night at least this is a good reason. I sort of sympathise with it, and it is nice that he wants to help figure it out.
hollie Once or twice the walking resulted in a throughsleep afterwards, but mostly she still wakes up again. I think dh (and myself to a certain extent which is why I continue to go with it) thinks that if it worked a couple of times so well, maybe it will work so well again. But, sometimes DC also only woke once during the with a feed and went through to five or six am, so I think it is really just luck. We had a few weeks once of a very good 'pattern' of one wake a night around 4months but it disappeared. :(
slightly same here! I think we have definitely discovered that I cannot walk her to sleep no matter what I try, not even in the pushchair. Dh on the other manages perfectly well most (not all) of the time. She's not a good daysleeper anyway. Oh, and we're not at major loggerheads about it. Just not entirely agreeing and feeling slightly irritated with each other about which way to go. And obvsly more so in the middle of the night!

shadowstar No, not usually. It has happened certainly, when she has woken at 2am instead of at around 12am the first go. But it isn't regular at all.

I fed mine back to sleep, I also picked her up if she cried, both of which garnered comments including rod and back but... It just felt right to me.

The PP's advice that you take it in turns to do nights and do it your own ways might work?

I still feed to sleep at 17m. DS is prone to a night cough, so milk soothes him. When he's been offered water, he either refuses or has a sup, but still makes it clear that he wants milk.

There's so many interruptions like teething, growth spurts, development leaps and illnesses, that any attempts to reform his habits are soon thwarted, so for the time being I'm happy to take the short term, quick soothing option.

DS 1 weaned sooner, and I haven't changed strategy. They're just different children.

Besides, sometimes I need a drink in the night. Should I have grown out of that decades ago?

We stopped the night waking with CC at 11m. She learnt to put herself to sleep.

Before that i was feeding to sleep for naps as well.

I would think there is no point swapping to walking her round - as that is not self settling either. Though i guess she might stop getting hungry in the night, and eat more in the day which could help.

If you want to then work on getting her to self settle for naps, once they have learnt then if they wake up a bit they can go back off.

But she is still quite little atm.

IME seven months is too early to stop feeding at night if that is that the baby wants. I would feed her a bit longer too. It's true what they say, they aren't babies for long. It's only a short time in your life you have to do it. And I totatlly agree with you - a feed for her at night is so much nicer for everyone than 25 minutes crying.