To stop sending a card to friend?

[Sleepswithbutterflies]

I have been best friends with someone since my school days. We are now in our early 30s so about 20 years.

We've been in the habit of always sending each other a 'best friend' card at christmas and birthdays. Even though we are married and have our own families at christmas we've always sent each other a separate card.

Anyway, the last year for lots of reasons we've really grown apart. There hasn't been a falling out, we just don't seem to have anything in common and haven't seem much of each other. My friend has become very friendly with some of the women she works with and I suspect has a lot more in common with. The last few months have seen lots of FB selfies of her and said friends stating things like 'my wonderful besties.'
Tbh I think if it weren't for the fact that we've known each other for so long and she is godmother to my ds we probably wouldn't have and contact with each other. It's almost like just force of habit and because we feel we should.
As I said no falling out just nothing in common anymore.

So wibu to stop sending these cards? I know it sounds ridiculously petty but I think my friend might keep sending them which makes me feel a bit awkward but I can't see the point in pretending anymore.

I sort of feel though, which again I know sounds petty, that not sending it will kind of draw a line under the friendship. We've been sort of pretending everything is the same and I think that this would be stopping the pretence.

Anyway sorry I know it's trivial and makes me sound 6 but I have been thinking about this (friend's birthday coming up). We've always written a special message in the cards too. It feels a bit weird to stop but otoh I strongly suspect in another year contact might have stopped altogether anyway.

I have some friends I've known for years and years and our friendships have waxed and waned over the years too. I would keep in touch, you have a lot of shared history and she is your DD's godmother.

I would send a birthday card and put a message like 'life's been really hectic recently, but I'd love to have a catch up coffee. I'll text you some dates soon'. And I would send a text with dates within the next week. Leave the door ajar :)

I will probably see her over her birthday so whatever I give her will be in person. I probably see her only every 4-5 or so but it's a struggle. Lots of long silences.

It makes me sad but I suppose these things happen? It's been sort of going this way the last couple of years but more noticeable the last 12 months or so.

Does she have kids too? I've had the same best friend since I was 12, our kids are almost the same ages so always have stuff to talk about. We're in different countries at the mo but use What's App to send pics etc. I love her kids too and always happy to see/hear any little thing they've been up to.

Yes she has a dc more or less the same age as my ds and another younger one.
Tbh I think the problems started when we had our first dc - they are only a few months apart. However I suffered post natal depression and my baby was the baby from hell. Colic, wouldn't sleep, wouldn't feed, screamed all the time. Her baby was more normal, slept through at 4 weeks, never heard it cry. So when we went out my ds would be screaming and screaming and her dd would be asleep. Our experiences of motherhood seemed poles apart so she was loving it and I was hating it and instead of bonding us I think that's actually when we started to drift apart a little.

I think you should stop sending BFF type cards to her. You're right, it does seem a bit hypocritical when you don't feel that way anymore. Cards are obviously important to you both, so a well chosen card should suffice.

Friendships do change over the course of a lifetime. She'll probably be relieved that you've stopped them!

Just send a normal Christmas card, problem solved!