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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that ex's boss was v. unreasonable to say these things to me?

15 replies

extremepie · 20/09/2014 22:55

Ex bf and I split a few months ago after I found out he'd cheated on me so was, understandably, very upset. Ex's boss just happened to be a mutual friend of ours so in the days that followed our split he started messaging me in the evening (he finished work quite late, 10/11ish), asking how I was doing, how I was coping etc.

It started off just normal conversation, bit of bitching about ex and the girl he left me for but eventually the conversation started to turn..a bit weird?

For example, I would say something about being cold and he would say something like 'I could come up there and warm you up if you like' and so on. It got progressively more flirty and in my state of mind at the time I didn't really pay much attention, I just ignored it and kept chatting about random stuff but as time went on I noticed the flirty stuff getting worse? He also then started making comments like 'I could come round after work and help you get to sleep' when I mentioned I was having trouble sleeping, stuff like that.

When the 'mist' had lifted a bit I started to feel uncomfortable with it, especially since was very recently married! I actually went to his wedding! I started to feel really awkward about it as I couldn't tell if he was being serious or just jokey and flirty. Either way I didn't feel it was appropriate for him to be talking to me that way when he was married so after that I cut our contact down and eventually stopped altogether.

So wibu to think this WU? Was it all just a joke and I was being too sensitive/thinking too much of myself? I wouldn't have been happy if my husband was saying some of the stuff he was saying to me but maybe I just can't take a joke?!

OP posts:
MildDrPepperAddiction · 20/09/2014 23:00

Does he still message you? If so, ignore him or say quite clearly that it's not appropriate.

HeartShapedBox · 20/09/2014 23:01

yanbu.

sleazy.

disrespectful to you, disrespectful to his wife.

justmuddlingalong · 20/09/2014 23:02

YWNBU. He's one of those pricks who circles vulnerable women. All that 'I could come and warm you up crap'. Pft, what a cliche.

SomeSortOfDeliciousBiscuit · 20/09/2014 23:02

It's fairly obvious to me that he was hitting on you.

WooWooOwl · 20/09/2014 23:04

He was trying it on. The bloke's a wanker, there are enough of them that it's not really an issue. Forget about it.

AgentZigzag · 20/09/2014 23:05

What he said wasn't a joke, he was trying his luck.

You're well out of it, him and your twatting ex.

extremepie · 20/09/2014 23:59

Well that's what I thought! I did confront him about it gently and apparently it was all a joke and his wife knew about it all and has seen the messages and thought it was all really funny! Hmmm......I'm not sure I believe him :/

OP posts:
justmuddlingalong · 21/09/2014 00:03

Don't believe him. It wasn't a joke and his wife didn't know. When you pulled him up on it he was worried you'd blab.

AgentZigzag · 21/09/2014 00:04

He reckons his wife has seen 'I could come round after work and help you get to sleep' and is fine with it??

Yeah right Grin

I suppose the lying inevitably goes with the cheating doesn't it?

peasandlove · 21/09/2014 00:09

He was trying his luck. If you'd said alright then, he'd have been over in a flash

Agrestic · 21/09/2014 00:11

Very obvious shit flirting from the start. Why didn't you tell him to bugger off from the beginning?

extremepie · 21/09/2014 00:24

Mostly because at that point in time I was in such a state I couldn't think clearly and work out what was going on really, I was taking those 'kalms' herbal tablet things and I couldn't eat or sleep and kept crying all the time and they calmed me down but also made my head a bit fussy :/ Not a great excuse I know but I just didn't realise until a few days in :(

OP posts:
justmuddlingalong · 21/09/2014 00:28

You didn't take him up on his offer, you pulled him up on it. You did nothing wrong. Forget about him now. Hope happier times are just around the corner, and they will be.

AgentZigzag · 21/09/2014 00:33

You didn't do anything OP.

He was trying to take advantage of you to get his end away when you were vulnerable.

What a wanker.

How are you feeling now re your ex?

Scrumbled · 21/09/2014 00:53

He was being a sleazy wanker.
You rejected him.

Of course he was being unreasonable. You were in a vulnerable situation and he knew that he could play on the situation, being a friend of you both. The best decision would have been to cut him off early on but you weren't in the best situation.

Loose the wankers.

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