heard my neighbour being abused

[tanya1010]

Last night i heard my neighbour being abused. It was very early hours of morning. She had obviously been locked out, when she was let in she was quite obviously abused. The walls in my flat are very thin and i could hear everything. He quite obviously wanted sex and she didnt. I lay there thinking should i go to her aid or call the police. I dont know either of them as they have only recently moved in. To be honest many of the neighbours talk about them as most nights the whole block hears them going at it like rabbits ! However last night was different ! I really felt for the poor girl. Eventually it went quiet, but i just cant help thinking should i have got involved and called the police ?

Why didn't you call while it was happening?!? You could have stopped it! Glad you have now though, poor woman!

Bystander effect - a phrase which came about after this tragic case

This happened to me a few years ago

Our flats shared a wall and I could hear him ranting and her screaming and things being smashed etc then It all went quiet and that was even worse!

I called 999 anonymously and ten mins later police turned up

He was swearing and fighting (obviously drunk) in The street with the police, eventually he was put in the van and hauled off

Less than hour later I heard banging in the house again then the sound of her in the street with a suitcase

I never heard her again so I assume she left that night and never came back

All this in the middle of the night like 3am sort of time

I woke up in the early hours of the morning when I was 15 as I could hear an argument going on outside. Looked out the window and saw a neighbour punch his gf in the face. I dialled 999 and reported it but I was so scared I gave a false name. They still turned up the next day (probably traced the phone number?) asking to speak to "Rachel" to give a statement and I had to confess I'd lied on the phone.

I don't know why I lied other than I was scared about reporting it. I hadn't even told my mum what I'd done until the police turned up at the door. So I can understand how hard it can be to report these things when you witness them. You've been very brave to report it today OP, better late than never.

Good post from Catsofa (previous page).

When, as the statistics state that 2 women are killed murdered really a week in UK we ALL have a duty to act if it happens in our environment.

I,ve experienced partner violence but I was lucky in having resources to escape.

Glad you have phoned now, well done for that. But how could you not phone at the time even 101? When I met my now DH he heard something going on next door before we moved in together, phoned police straight away and the police were there in no time. Woman had to be taken to hospital but she sent my DH a card to say thanks. He was always out with me so never heard anything before but turns out he was hitting her all the time and it was the break to make her leave when someone called for her as it took it out of her hands.

Even if you are not sure 101 is always worth a call

It was not the OP's fault the man decided to abuse the woman. She's phoned the police and left a statement. She's done the right thing. Please stop berating her for not calling while it was happening - she can't go back in time and besides, the police are now informed.

Something similar happened to me once. It was violence and verbal abuse rather than sexual, but I wish my neighbour had called 999 at the time, or 101 later, instead of sticking a note through our door telling us to be more appreciative of the time when we next choose to have a 'row'.

Oh please, please, anyone who ever hears this, call the police. I was in your neighbours situation and no one helped me. I'm 25+ years out of it now, but I'll never, ever forget my neighbours walking past me the next morning looking anywhere but at me.

I'm not having a go at the OP, but I genuinely cannot get my head round the fact that people would even consider not calling the police, when someone is being beaten up/obviously forced to have sex against their will, just because it is happening in the victims home not out in the street, especially when it is so loud that there are multiple witnesses who could have made the call so the abuser will not know it was yuo. How do you know the violence will stop, that the next blow won't be fatal, that there won't be a knife pulled out of a drawer? How do you know that it all going silent is a good thing?

I'll never, ever forget my neighbours walking past me the next morning looking anywhere but at me so sad I hope you are in a much better place now BBS

Phantom, I have the most wonderful husband, and a life that many would envy. The twat is dying slowly (too slowly) of alcoholism.

YY phantom

After I posted I was left wondering what the outcome would have been had the abuse been seen rather than heard.

I hope the poor woman involved is safe and well. As could be.

It's not the OP's fault, it's not like you hear something and actively consider "Should I call the police? Hmmm, nah." I used to live near a pub and heard several arguments as people walked home. Only ever called for one because the people seemed to be having an actual fight in the middle of the street, (whereas for others they'd have walked past and be ages away by the time the police came) the thought process was like "Shit, what's that?" adrenaline/fear starts coursing and you're mentally trying to process if something bad is happening vs just a "normal" argument, it's in the middle of the night usually so you're sleepy and disorientated, if you're alone in the house (especially with children) you feel vulnerable. I couldn't take somebody on in a fight and I was worried (irrationally, but I didn't think that at the time!) that the person might come and smash my door in or something. I didn't know if, if I called, the police might come and turn up at my door and alert everyone to the fact that I had called. The time I did call I was practically whispering into the phone even though the people were halfway down the street, because I worried if I could hear them, perhaps they could hear me. Turned out they were already on their way so didn't take a statement or anything.

It's really hard to do something at the time and especially so when you feel vulnerable yourself - to the person who said "How could you not phone" but whose DH phoned - it's a totally different ballgame when you're sat there with another person, not necessarily a man, but your DH makes you feel safe and more confident (mine does anyway!). If I hadn't been a 7 stone 21 year old with a sleeping toddler in the house I probably would have called the police far more often at my old address!

That said it's really good you have phoned now OP.

And would urge anybody to call if they hear anything - argh worried I've come across wrongly. It's ALWAYS the right thing to do to call but trying to explain that it's not always as simple a choice as it sounds sitting in a nice safe house in the middle of the day/evening, with your DH and crucially not listening to any abuse happen right now.

Good to know police wouldn't necessarily send lights and uniformed officers round.

You did the right thing op.

Fwiw, I've lived in rough areas, on my own with my dcs and I understand your fear of reporting. I stood up for my friend once and my children and home were threatened. The police could have done fuck all. I was sick with fear.

You did the right thing. And I know why you questioned whether or not to do it.

Well done OP. Of course if you call while there is something happening then use 101 or 999 - yes it is ok to use 999 if you have strong reason to think someone is in danger.

Two women a week are killed in the UK during domestic violence. Anything you report, even if it seems like nothing or can't possibly be acted on, can help to build a picture of continual trouble over time, which is the one thing that is often most helpful to victims. Then when they call themselves it is treated as part of an ongoing problem rather than a one off incident.