DH causing problems working from home

[TheMumsRush]

My DH sometimes works from home. On these days I'm expected to keep ds 20m out his way. I go out with ds but came be out all the time and sometime can't go out at all. It's very disruptive, DH is in and out and it makes my job looking after him hard as he always goes into melt down when he sees DH (our flat isn't that big). He always says I just need to accept it as he needs to work and what can he do. Aubu to say to him that maybe he also needs to accept that he's going to get disrupted working from home? It causes so many rows and I need to know if I'm ok in saying this to him

I think its a similar problem to DPs working night shifts/odd shifts...
My DP was working night shifts when DD2 was 3-4 - (DD1 9-10). So older than 20 months. I used to try and keep then quite but occasionally he would get woken up as they fell out, got over excited etc. He now works early shifts - goes to bed at 7.30pm ish. He knows I do my best - but they are children and he can't expect them to be silent all the time...
We did have a few arguments about it - I asked him if he could do any better?
Maybe one day your DH needs to give it a go. You stay in your room (have a nice rest - read a book/watch tv/ put your feet up ), occasionally come out to go to the loo, make a drink etc just enough to get DC's attention....
Because surely he can't expect you & DC to go out all day everyday?
I remember talking about the night shift thing with someone. They were in a small flat, she had two preschool DCs and her DP worked nights. She hated it - was constantly stressed - trying to keep the DCs quiet. And then arguing with her grumpy DP when they woke him up. He eventually got another job. But she has miserable memories of her DCs being small. (She has split up with her DP now but not just over that)
Actually DP's brother came to stay when DD1 was 2-3. He has children but their mother left him when they were small. I think I know why. He was still in bed at past 11am. DD1 had been up at 7. We were sneaking around so as not to disturb him, then she had a tantrum and it woke him up. He told DP I had no control over DD1, DP needed to show us who was in charge. They are more or less NC now.

I work from home and your DH is being unreasonable.

I would suggest trying a couple approaches to get through the day: perhaps you and DS can stay out most of the morning and DH should use this time for going in and out, making calls, etc. In the afternoons he can do a mix of going to work elsewhere for a few hours or staying home and not coming out of the room/making calls.

Basically don't try to manage the whole day the same way, break it into smaller chunks and do different things.

I will say that as DS got older he was less and less bothered about not being able to see me, so it won't be like this forever.

Lots of good ideas. DH has worked from home on and off for the 18 years we have been together. I still find it hard sometimes.

The key point that helps us is to remember that this is our home first and his work space second. Dc are now 6 and 3 so much easier for them to understand but the toddler years were tough.

There are times when dh will
Hot Desk somewhere. Last winter with its constant rain was tough as I simply won't drag the dc out in the cold and wet and the weekends if dh needs to work.

I also have to keep a toddler ds quiet in the daytime for a week every seven weeks when dh is on nights... He's getting better at understanding that daddy is asleep and loves going to wake him up with a cup of tea and a biscuit-we make a big thing of it that ds does that every day. Would something like that work-your ds gets to go and knock on the door and tell daddy it's lunchtime? My dh rarely works from home if ds and I are around and if he does need to he goes to costa with his work iPad and gets stuff done there-wouldn't ever work otherwise!

LadySybil have you seen the price of those rental office spaces!? Even in Chester they're coming up at 100 pounds per day! If I rented on of those I'd be working for the rent!

There's got to be some cheaper ones, I just posted that to give an example If not, do you have a friend with a spare room or one who's out during the day? It's unrealistic for the OP's DP to expect her to take their DC out during the day, what about when it snows or is icy? He needs to find a different way of working, even if it's during the evening when the DC is in bed.

We have a shed office in the garden, wifi, and phone thing it is fine

There are lots of places that do hot-desking now. You can do them by the hour like the post above, or you pay a monthly fee depending on how many hours a month you feel you need.