Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not get why I'm being ignored?

23 replies

SailorEverRose · 19/09/2014 19:00

I used to have a very close friend, however she got a new partner and since then didn't want anything to do with me (she declined going out for a drink because she had a boyfriend - her actual pretty much word for word reason)

I'm not really one for drama so I just distanced myself and made effort with friends who actually wanted to be friends and not just when it was convenient for them.

This was 6 months ago now. She text me to say how much she misses me and can we please meet up soon.

I replied yes we can so let me know when you're free (she works shifts and I don't)

That was a week ago and she never replied.

The text she sent me really was not one of those "oh we really need to get together at some point" but both of you know it's never going to happen.

AIBU to expect a reply.?

OP posts:

Zucker · 19/09/2014 19:02

I reckon she text you as the boyfriend was on a night out and she was bored. Of course she should have replied to you if she actually had any intention of meeting up.

MrsCumbersnatch · 19/09/2014 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

SailorEverRose · 19/09/2014 19:06

They'd spent the day at a theme park the day she text me. It's about an hour drive away so I'm assuming they were together that night.

I also don't get the impression her boyfriend is one for going out. I could be wrong as I don't know well at all.

OP posts:

Original poster

SailorEverRose · 19/09/2014 19:08

continue distancing yourself from her. For good

It's hard because we have a lot of mutual friends, so as much as I want to cut her out of my life, I can only do it to a certain extent.

I just feel like this is a mind game .... But I wouldn't have said she was manipulative when we were friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

SailorEverRose · 19/09/2014 19:10

Btw thank you for the replies. I just needed somewhere to process my thoughts and get it off my mind.

It's really appreciated.

OP posts:

LadyLuck10 · 19/09/2014 19:13

In your group of mutual friends does she do this to others? If so maybe not take it so personally, that it's something against you iyswim.
Now you know how you fit in around her bf, just keep a distance.

Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 19/09/2014 19:14

You done need to do any dramatic distancing yourself.

If she texts again tell her that you would love a night out and if she texts you a date and time you will see if you are free.
Play it cool.

Now you get in with your life and your friends.

To be honest this happens right through your life. Friends do move on. Move house/job and you drift apart. You can't keep up with everyone in this life.

Original poster

SailorEverRose · 19/09/2014 19:26

You done need to do any dramatic distancing yourself.

I think I've been pretty non dramatic about it.

I've never once accused her for dropping me as a friend of said a single word about it. I just carried on living my life and left her to carry on living hers. There's been no arguments or blanking.

When I say distance I mean I haven't actively asked to see her. Neither has she.

OP posts:

confusedandemployed · 19/09/2014 19:35

Fuck her. Walk on, she's not worth a moment's thought.

Oneandonlyone · 19/09/2014 20:48

You haven't been dramatic about it, but she has and I think that was the poster's point. But yeah, stay off. If she actually texts "let's meet at X and do Y" then go if you feel so inclined, but anything else just be noncommittal.

Chalk me up with "boyfriend was away that night" or they'd had a fight.

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/09/2014 21:46

In abusive relationships the man often isolates the woman from her friends and family.

Does she still see and go out with other friends?

poolomoomon · 19/09/2014 21:46

ARE YOU ME?

I was reading your post just thinking, wow... That's my 'friend' word for word. Yup, happened to me this year too. Friend got a boyfriend and ditched me. Now she doesn't talk to me at all, haven't heard from her in months. Last time I did hear from her she did that whole "oh we haven't spoken in soo long, we MUST meet up soon" yeah, we must... Never got a date. Given up bothering with her. She turned all dullsville and only wanted to talk about the bf whenever we did talk anyway and she'd be really closed off with me if I wanted to, you know, talk about anything else.

Just know she's not a true friend and you should definitely continue with the distancing. Sure, be civil with her if you do happen to bump into one another but don't go chasing her, definitely don't trust her. True friends don't do this kind of shit.

Original poster

SailorEverRose · 19/09/2014 21:56

In abusive relationships the man often isolates the woman from her friends and family.

I know it's kind if the MN way to say these sorts of things but no she's not in an abusive relationship.

My friend lives with family so they would notice the signs, her boyfriend lives with his grandmother and also a different friend is his life long family friend and so obviously knows his entire family and him very well.

She has also been out with our mutual friend since getting with him (but for various reasons I've been unable to attend)

OP posts:

Original poster

SailorEverRose · 19/09/2014 21:59

True friends don't do this kind of shit

So true. Obviously when she told me she was dating someone I assumed I'd see less of her, which is entirely fair.

But to drop a friend completely and so suddenly is horrible. I wasn't a friend to her, I was just someone convenient for the time being.

OP posts:

DragonReena · 19/09/2014 22:12

Does she have past form for doing this? I have/had a friend who has done this every time she has had a new. Boyfriend since we were about 15. We are now 30!

Sadly the last time was the final straw. I wasn't annoyed but just gave up on her and I was less into going out anyway so it coincided with me not really wanting to go out so much anymore which meant I didn't chase her as I had always done before. Sadly this leas to a huge falling out where she said some very mean things and I can't see us being friends again.

I think you need to maybe give up on her. See her when necessary through other friends and enjoy being in her company but don't dwell on it. The reason you are being ignored is very unlikely to be because of you but more to do with her!

UrethraFranklin · 19/09/2014 22:22

My best friend did this to me (yes, I grin )

AtrociousCircumstance · 19/09/2014 22:29

I know it's kind if the MN way to say these sorts of things but no she's not in an abusive relationship.

I'm glad she's not. But don't be too quick to dismiss the 'MN way'. It has offered important support to a lot of people.

Maybe 99 times out of 100 my question would not be relevant. Wouldn't it still be ok to ask it for the 1 person it might reach?

psyandsoc · 19/09/2014 22:30

Had a so called friend who used to do exactly the same to me. It took me years to kick her out of my life and she was just toxic. Save yourself all the hassle I went through dump her now. Delete all her contacts from any of your phones etc and block her incoming calls. Best thing you can do.

Balaboosta · 20/09/2014 08:32

Some friends like more distance than others. I have friends I don't see for ages and friends I see more frequently. I'm going to go against the flow here and say give the friendship it's space. I am not a keeper-in-touch but I have two old close friends (25 years of friendship) who they have just never let me go. They've got in touch when it's been too long and been the ones to keep it going. If you value that friend it's fine to be the one to do this. If you are too needy to take this role then don't bother. But YABU to take her non-contact personally.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/09/2014 08:34

If you value your friendship then talk it out with her.

If not then drop her.

gentlehoney · 20/09/2014 08:38

I think you will have to include her boyfriend in your plans for a while.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 20/09/2014 12:27

T.b.h. I think you've came across as rather desperate by saying you'd even meet up. Yes I know she made first contact but if that were me I'd say "No where've been for the last 6 months.

chipshop · 20/09/2014 18:27

So annoying isn't it. One of my former closest friends recently did this, denied it when I initially called her out on it. Haven't seen her since May, we used to meet up weekly!

I've noticed other friends keep arranging things with her, I'm often invited too, she agrees then never shows. She just doesn't socialise with anyone but her DP.

I just stopped making an effort like her, there was no fallout. Find it sad.

Flip