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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To constantly doubt myself as a mother.

6 replies

Keepontrudging · 19/09/2014 16:00

Has anyone else experienced constants self - criticism whilst parenting. I am a good mum; I am regularly told as much. However, I found myself constantly questioning my choices , feeling people are judging me, criticising me as a mother, I just feel like for some parenting is so naturual... Yet for me for me it requires massive effort in so many ways, as I constantly doubt how well I am doing. My dd is 16 months and is rather a handful- though bright, funny and very advanced with her speech. There are days I am obviously not fretting or feeling inedequate, but generally I just feel like everyone else is doing a better job than me ... Or Infact, it's more I feel everyone has it Sussed. They just seem to be so much more confident about their parenting. I don't always agree with how fiends parents, but I admire how confident they are about what they do- and I yearn for their lack of self consciousness. Over all I love being a mother, my daughter has literally MADE my life, but sometimes I do feel so overwhelmed with inedequacy... And I really don't even know exactly what for. I'm ultimately very patient with her, I play with her, show her tonnes of my love... Basically do everything you would do as a good mother! Please say i am not the only one to feel like this? And more over, how can I gain some assurance I am a good mother! The best mother for my girl? (I also have another on the way , so will have two under two come Jan! I really want to try and gain some perspective by then !)

OP posts:
LittleMisslikestobebythesea · 19/09/2014 16:02

YANBU it's perfectly normal to feel like this Smile

My kids are 8 and 6 and I still constantly criticize myself!

I'm sure you are doing a great job Thanks

Discopanda · 19/09/2014 16:04

It sounds like you're doing a great job as a mother. It takes a lot of time to get used to smiling and nodding when people rattle off more "advice". Most mothers do secretly panic that they're doing it all wrong, don't worry :-)

MummyLuce · 19/09/2014 16:30

3 things I have learnt since having my two:

  • over confidence in own parenting technique is more often than not a way of masking insecurities and inner doubt
  • once you get to know another mum really well, you will realise That absolutely NO ONE is a perfect parent with amazing parenting techniques, however it looks from the outside.
  • loads and loads of good parents feel like you, as being a parent is the most important thing in their life and they don't want to mess it up
fairylightsintheloft · 19/09/2014 17:23

maybe stop thinking of parenting as something you "do" but something you "are". I'm sure it never used to be a verb. You sound like you're doing a great job and someone doing a lot less well might still be a good parent. DH and I both work and don't do as much as we'd like Mon-fri with our two (5 and 3) but we do the best we can, try to prioritise them at the weekend and love them to death. Just look at how happy she is.

Meemoll · 19/09/2014 17:55

I feel exactly the same and I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old. It doesn't help that I don't have any close mum friends now so I don't have anyone that I can share this insecurity with IRL. I'm sure you're doing an amazing job, so just keep going as you are.

Keepontrudging · 19/09/2014 17:56

She is happy. I am often told how smiley she is. Though was a screamer as a newborn haha. I definitely try to see as something I am, as opposed to 'right, what do good mums do? I'll do that...' Haha. I feel like a mother- we have an amazing bond, I just wished I didn't berate myself so much. I wish I could just go with it a bit more. Not be so terrified I am gonna to mess it up and be judged. Being a parent makes me feel so empowered, yet so vulnerable to...

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