AIBU or was dh?

[insanityscratching]

Worried about putting this here but will accept the MN verdict.
Yesterday I had a letter come from my NC sibling with all the contact details asking me to get in touch. I am NC for a reason and wish to remain NC. FWIW I knew them anyway as they haven't changed since we were in contact 10 years ago Dh got the post and pressured me into opening, had I got the post I wouldn't have opened it. After opening I put it in the bin outside. Soon after on some pretence, dh goes to the bin and removes it and hides it as I discover when I went to the bin later.
I text dh telling him to tell me where the letter is and he refused on the basis he wanted it. His name wasn't on the letter and nor was he mentioned. I saw red and demanded he tell me or I'd empty his study and shed and find it myself. That did the trick and I retrieved the letter and burnt it.
Dh is in a strop on the grounds he wants my sibling's details for himself. I say if sibling had wanted him to have them they would have sent them to him and it is my choice as to what to do with my letter. I am refusing to tell him any details as I believe is my right particularly after how he has been carrying on since.
So AIBU or paranoid and deranged as dh has stated or is he being the arse as usual?

YANBU
But I do find it interesting that it seems as though your sibling doesn't want to be in contact with him either.

I'd have words about him respecting your mail (I only open DHs if he asks me to when he's away). I would never fish his out of the bin (well unless he had issues and was throwing something legal away - a court summons maybe?).

This was definitely breaching boundaries.

I didn't know that he'd asked the dc until last night tbh. I don't know why they haven't given them him, her number will be on their phones, her email address is obvious and the same one from ten years ago, they would probably need to look up the address though. I'm not going to ask the dc if there is a reason why as I never ask them anything about her and am not going to start now.

YANBU. He had no right to do that. Although I think I would tell him that this:

She was pleasant to his face, behind his back she told me to dump him . Of course he doesn't know that.

It's sad that you're at loggerheads about this when really, he should be supporting you. Do you want to post in Relationships?

Mitzi, thank you I'm fine, I'm slowly extricating myself from the marriage, it's most likely why he is being an arse about this. He senses things are changing he's looking for allies I'd guess.

Another vote for arse. .

Good Luck

Not so much an arse but an utter wankbadger.

He has absolutely no right to do what he did - I'd find this unforgivable tbh.

Good luck with it, insanity.

I hope it helps to know that it's definitely him, not you, being unreasonable about this.

YANBU. I don't have any contact with my dad, and I'd be furious if my DH did the same to me. He understands why we have no contact and is supportive and would never act like that, though.

Best wishes insanity

TBH, Mitzi I think it's appalling behaviour on his part. Totally out of order. Well done for sticking to your guns. Sounds like he knows the end is in sight in terms of your relationship and grasping at straws. Just take care of yourself and be careful.

Beyond being pissed with him, I would think it very iffy that he is looking for her details. Was he part of the reason you went NC with her?

YANBU.

I think he has broken the law by taking and hiding your letter.
I would be furious.

YANBU and good luck with kicking him out.

There's not many things I agreed with DM about, but reading other people's letters as a mortal sin is one.