To think I would have more support for physical disability?

[Imsuchamess]

I have schizoaffective disorder all the symptoms of bipolar 1 with episodes of schizophrenia.

I get zero help. People trot out lines like "you'll always find that little bit extra"
"Pull yourself together"
"Man up"
" in my day there was no such thing as mental illness people got on with things because they had too"
"I need to do more self actualising"

The only person who offers practical support is dh. I have a major mental illness I can't just "pull it together and get on with stuff".

My family don't even talk about my illness and if I have a appointment they don't say anything.

I think this world is still hugely prejudiced about mental illness and learning disabilities.

My mental illness is treated like a dirty secret. I am made to apologise for things I did or was unable to do while well. You don't see someone on crutches saying sorry they have to use the ramp.

To my mind id put your illness up there with the major neurological conditions or life affecting permanent health problems like type 1 diabetes

I think people don't have a 'hierarchy' of seriousness for mental health in their head as they do for physical illness and so lump it all together with 'feeling a bit blue'

I have depression, anxiety and OCD (my house is a mess and it pisses me off when people say I can't possibly have OCD because of this) and get very frustrated by all the crap stereotyping that goes on with it.

I also feel because a lot of mentally Ill people are still physically active people can't compute that they're ill

First of all, NEVER APOLOGISE. Ever. I mean it, if you apologise people will continue treating you like this.

Saying that, it's also incredibly hard to stand up for yourself when you've mh problems, you're made to feel guilty and ashamed, abnormal and blamed for things you genuinely can't help.

If no one is willing to give you help and support in your family you can get support else where - social services are fantastic at supporting those with mh problems, gps can recommend support groups, my mh team referred me to a few groups that deal with helping when you're having a bad episode and provide continued support when everything is going right. Mind.org is a good organisation too apparently, though I've not looked into them before.

And if all that fails, feel free to chat about things on here :) my inbox is always open too. Family can suck at support but there are people who genuinely care, even if you don't know them in rl :)

You're right. I've had untreated Bipolar disorder for over a decade. I have to fight to see a psychiatrist. My next appointment is in October. 4 months after a suicide attempt. If my STBXH was not voluntarily my carer, I would be dead.

My relative has a frozen shoulder and has received a hospital referral within a week of mentioning it to her GP.

I'm afraid you'd probably find it just as frustrating.
I think many people often can't see past their own experience so mental or physical disabilities are always judged on their experience & understanding.... So usually falls far short or reality.
I have a physical disability but much of my difficulties are hidden - stupid, unsympathetic & unhelpful comments are common place even from people who are well meaning.
Getting in contact with people in support groups for your condition is quite often a glimmer of more helpful & less stupid comments.

It depends, doesn't it? If you are violent or hurtful during an episode then an apology is still appropriate. Sorry if I have got the wrong end of the stick.

I think MH problems are more frustrating for friends and family because they simply can't understand that the negative behaviours aren't particularly a choice or something that the sufferer can control. Whereas it's very easy to understand that a wheelchair user has to take a ramp.

Also- and I know it's taboo to point it out- people can do some pretty cunty things when they're suffering from severe MH problems. It's only human nature that other people may not forgive them unconditionally.

YANBU. I am agoraphobic. Most people are not supportive because they don't see how I can be scared of going out (although I actually like being outside, I just can't get far from my home or for very long) because they don't. Even my sister, who also has anxiety but manages to hold down a job and have a social life, thinks I should just get on with it now and get over it.

I wish it was that easy.

I have applied for PIP and they want me to go to an assessment centre an hour away even though my form says I can only manage a 10 min bus ride and can't stay out longer than 45 mins (my anxiety has got worse since I sent the form in in March and it's now less than that and no bus, but because I can't get to my doctors to get a letter to confirm this that's tough) and will not give me a home visit because they decided this after reading my form. They obviously didn't read it properly but there is nothing I can do.

Frustrating, upsetting and it really corrodes your self esteem. I spend most of my time feeling stupid and like a huge inconvenience.

This probably wont make you feel better, but I'm a study support secretary for a girl on my course who is partially sighted. She wears sunglasses and always has a badge on, with the disability logo. Still people in our class make fun of her behind her back, and question her ability to do the job we are training for (social work, but much broader as not in the UK). Even when she asks someone to help her find a certain room they say umm you can see the numbers on the door. No she cant. that's why she's wearing sunglasses. She's not asking for the fun of it. FFS!

Sometimes you can be too close to the problem, it sounds like you have a supportive DH and it might be time to step away and let him be your advocate. Maybe it's is time for them to be told if they have nothing constructive to say then please say nothing, and for your family to be told just how much you need help. The only way to be heard is if others listen, the comments you are hearing are not helping (and worse making you ill) and they are not listening. Prejudice is huge, even the Paralympics whilst excellent still featured more physical than learning difficulties on the tv and media. With the cuts as well it creates a diversion between the disabled themselves it is crap. I hope it gets better.

I have the same diagnosis as you with all symptoms of bipolar plus schizophrenic type episodes with hallucinations daily. Cmht aren't even that helpful. It's not fun.

However, I also have a physical disability with my legs/arms and balance and tbh people still don't even give up their seat when asked on buses etc. I walk with a stick so it is pretty obvious that I have a disability. I've had people take my stick off me and laugh at me.

People are hugely crap for both physical and mental health difficulties. Worse probably and more wide spread for mental health but you just have to keep on. If we all try to raise awareness and campaign hopefully we will see improvements. Albeit slowly.

((Hugs))

yanbu OP

as a society we are very prejudiced against mental illness, and its very hurtful. Plus there is much hysteria around schizophrenia--you dont need me to tell you that.

pleased your DH is cool though xxxx

I,m a mental health nurse so I know how debilitating mental illness can be but I understand what your say my youngest son has a chromosome disorder which has probably caused his autism and learning difficulties even my own mum doesn't think its serious and told me it not like he had downs syndrome or anything?! Because of course being non verbal and in nappies at four is normal and attending a special needs school is also nothing to worry about apparently!

YANBU and I'm sorry you have to cope with such horrible attitudes. It just isn't good enough. I would personally withdraw from those who are unsupportive a little bit if you can. I also have MH issues, and if anyone displays ignorance or undermines the severity of MH issues then I do distance myself from them. Apart from the huge offence, I often don't feel well enough to challenge/ argue against what they say. Poor MH is exhausting enough as it is.

Yanbu I have something called gastroparesis where my stomach muscles are paralyzed so I can't process food properly.

As people can't see it and I don't 'look' ill then they look in disbelief when I say I'm feeling crappy or can't get out of bed etc.

Unless people see it they don't, really, accept it IMO x

Thanks all yes I would imagine any hidden disability is the same. People saying just get on with it.

It is true (and horrible) that people are more sympathetic to the health problems/disabilities of others the more visible they are.

I have a friend who was born with a spine defect that means he can't walk and has to use a wheelchair. At one point in his twenties he shaved his head for a while. Suddenly strangers around him started being much more considerate of his wheelchair, going out of their way more, etc.

He realised it was because people were putting together 'thin person with wheelchair & no hair' and assuming he had cancer, and thus started treating him better than when he looked like a perfectly healthy person in a wheelchair.

It sucks that people think like this, but try not to take it personally, and remember there are people out there who do care and are willing to give support (lots of online forums, charities etc).

why should I have support? out of the question.

I LOVE being disabled, its a badge of honour, a boast, I LOVE taking half an hour to walk in extreme pain with crutches what should be a 5 minute walk.

I LOVE having to plead to able bodied if theres anyone whose not disabled who could let us (my equally disabled loving DC)have a disabled seat ona train or bus (Funny how suddenly most of them become blind and deaf suddenly!)

I LOVE the ones that say (when we don't have an 'obvious' disability-as in a wheelchair/amputee etc) 'well you don't look disabled, why don't you get a job you drain on the taxpayer, youre worse than benefit cheats '.

we do it on purpose you see, we want to live off benefits and not have a normal job or career.

I LOVE going to endless hospital appointments and being prodded and poked =as does DC.

We LOVE not being able to sleep properly because of 24/7 pain. O Joy.

we don't want the freedom and fun of running/walking/dancing/able to enjoy life as others do.

Oh yes, why should we get support? were fakers and can do everything ourselves.

(obvious irony, ) OP and everyone else .

I don't think the general public are uncaring but you can't expect everyone, everywhere to understand every illness, every disability whether visible or not. Most people also have problems to surmount, which are not obvious to everyone else.

I agree tbh.

I have a son with severe Autism / LDS.....people will openly take the piss, he's seen as fair game. My friend who also has a child with a physical disability was horrified when she was out with us as although she's had issues with people staring she's never seen behaving like that towards a person with a disability before.

Peoples attitudes towards people with MH problems and LDS in this country are pretty shocking tbh.

You're right.

I have both a serious lifelong neurological condition and borderline PD which manifests mainly as severe cyclical depression.

I get any amount of sympathy for the first, sod all for the second!

This happens a lot BTW, my friend was almost chewing the table with fury, she was dying to say something. I just try not to draw attention to it as it isn't fair on my son, he's pretty oblivious tbh so I'll usually position myself I'm front of him. If that fails a Paddington bear stare and moving tables works.........if THAT fails then I'll descretely complain to manager /,security whatever.

I was in so much pain today that I snapped at a guy in a shop.

felt he deserved it thoug.

was enquiring about something and because I didn't know the proper name of product, (was trying to explain what product was for) he was really being sneering and stuff. looking judgingly at my crutches and stuff. (I know the look anywhere)

I said out loud so everyone could hear ''Would you be less patronising if I didn't have crutches? Im physically disable, but not stupid''.

he then stopped sneering and was opening and shutting mouth like a guppy!

needless to say I didn't shop there .