to cancel a theme park trip for dd's birthday?

[ditavonteesed]

I know I am. She has been kicking off about one thing and another since we got in. The final one I asked her to do a second piece of homework at 5.30 while dh cooked dinner, she kicked off and is still kicking off now. We already had a majr fall out when she got in and she promised me she wouldnt kick off anymore.
She will be 11 next week and I am trying to treat her more grown up, I had arranged to take her, her ds and a friend to gullivers kingdom next weekend but right now I really dont want to.

Threaten it but make her earn it back!

I wouldnt cancel it. Id do a more instant punishment - go to bed now, i dont want to see you til the morning and youd better be in a good mood when you come down those stairs.

However if the behaviour continues into tomorrow I probably would threaten to cancel if sje didnt buck her ideas up (and would follow through on the punishment too if needed).

Everyone has off days.

I don;t blame you for not wanting to

It would be harsh in the extreme to cancel on one night's behaviour, and the creed she would lose with friends will cause lingering resentment

How do you react when she "kicks off"?

Let her go in without the homework....at 11 she has to take responsibility.

I would go for something more instant but she wont go to bed and short of physically manhandling her there is not a lot I can do about it.

I always threaten to remove ipads, phone etc and then carry out the threat if they haven't sorted themselves out. Would that work? I know it's tempting to cancel the trip but I probably wouldn't, unless she carried on and on even after the threat

I have a year 6 girl too Dita. In your shoes I would grip her by the shoulders nice and firm and walk her into her room. No need to hurt her...but I assume you are larger? So you can manage to move her.

Is she always so defiant that she would refuse to go to her room when sent? You need to find out her "currency" and trade in that.

Possibly irrelevant, but have you been to Gulliver's before? The one in Matlock Bath is very much aimed at younger children and toddlers. I'm not sure how much enjoyment 11YOs would get from it.

I'd physically carry her to bed. She sounds very naughty!

I love the way you all condone assault.

Your children will allow you to firmly grasp, march and carry them? Good luck with that ....

All condone assault? Fuxache have a word with yourself and maybe a re read.

Yes I would cancel the trip.. 11 yrs old and you don't know how to control her and she's tantruming... really?

Go up to her room and remove her things.. yell her she can earn them back with the trip being the last one.

No way would I put up with that shit.

I'd hold off on the theme park, let her go without her homework and make it clear that if she gets a detention for not doing it then she's grounded, meaning the the trip is automatically cancelled.

Take away phone, electrics and the like until she starts behaving better.

traditional punishments dont tend to work with dd, she has anxiety issues and mild sn. I would not physically make her do anything just becasue I am bigger than her, that is not a message I want her to take. When she had calmed down enough (only just now) she allowed me to out her pjs on and is now in bed. It is just very stressful when she is in the middle of a tantrum, however she used to be incredibly violent with her tantrums and is now only verbal so has gained a lot of control over herself over the last year. She has behaved lovely all summer despite me being at my wits end before school broke up, she is now back to this behaviour so I can safely draw the conclusion tht it is something to do with school. I will be having another meeting with the senco as I theorised that this would happen as it has for the last 2 years over summer.

Also with regards to homework I want her to do it, we have never pused the issue, this has always been a problem, however despite being really bright she is struggling with her school work and I want her to start studying as a normal part of the day. Had she done the home work it would have taken 20mins, instead I got a 2 hour tantrum.

Could.you have done a bigger fucking drip feed.

Indeed.

In that case a long time way punishment won't work anyway and no point in making the other kids suffer.

Maybe arrange with the school for her to do homework in school hours rather than bring it home. My teen son does that with his school. I would also lay the home work at her own feet if you're wanting to treat her more grown up. Consequences by the school and all that.

probably, however I posted when I was quite close to getting really angry and wanted opinions, the things I said in my last post arent the things I want to say about my dd first. Theya re a by the by, I try not to let them define dd or my parenting I try to treat her like I would any 11 yo and since I have never had an 11yo before I wanted an opinion. However what I got was what I always get which is how can you let dd behave like that, I then tend to become a little defensive as I dont let her behave like that she does and I try my very best to manage t, sometime I suceed more foten than not I dont and everything ends up going shit. I want to be able to manage this, I would like to not have a dd who nehaves like this and I want to know when peolpe say they dont let their kids behave like this how they do it. I have an 8yo dd who is the easiest child and will do whatever she is told so I am clearly not all bad in the parenting.

I have a similar year 6. Refusal to do homework is meet with a calm firm statement " That is absolutely find, however, you will need to explain to Mr/Mrs X exactly why your homework has not been completed". I have been using the tactic for a year now it has not yet failed to achieve the desired result.