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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to be called a dwarf?!

75 replies

notagainffffffffs · 18/09/2014 17:08

Because I'm not!
Today bumped into a friend (s) and her friend (a)-who I've met socially once or twice, was pushing ds along in the pram and they both waved hello. A booms 'bloody hell! You're SUCH a dwarf! Youre bloody tiny pushing that pram, bit tall for you isnt it!'
Fwiw I'm 5 ft 2. I know I'm small but there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. I fricking hate people commenting on my height, just find it knocks the wind out of my sails and its downright rude.
I was brought up to never comment on someone's appearance unless it was to compliment. I wish is was a rare occurance but it was practically every day through school/uni and about monthly now.

OP posts:

naty1 · 18/09/2014 19:16

5'2 is around 9th percentile
5'4 50th
Though i feel short at 5'4.
Of course if most women wear heels and i suspect taller bigger footed can wear higher heels.

what might stop them 'yes my mum smoked in pregnancy - i should be 5'6-5'7

AdmitYouKnowImRight · 18/09/2014 19:16

I rememebr an interview with John Cleese and he expressed horror that he was missing an inch (6'5") to be able to put "giant" as his profession on his passport (6'6")

The flip side of that is: In humans, dwarfism is defined as an adult height of less than 4 feet 10 inches

crabwoman · 18/09/2014 19:25

I'm 5'5 and I'm the shortest in my family.
I get the short comments all the time. I'm also really small framed which makes it worse. But what really gets my goat is when my gran refers to anyone who hasn't got long legs as having 'short' legs. I have an inside leg of 32in but I still get told I have short legs!! With the insinuation that short legs are frumpy.
FFS, it really gets my goat - especially as I have a huge chip on my shoulder about not inheriting my mothers gazelle legs!

SunshineOutdoors · 18/09/2014 19:27

Ok, I'm genuinely confused now.

yakinamac says 'being a dwarf' (not a phrase I'd use about anyone, I think defining somebody by their disability as 'a whatever' is pretty offensive in itself) is an 'actual disability' however other people are saying that dwarfism is defined by simply being under 4' 11" . In what way is being under 4' 11" a disability?

I'm really not intending to offend anybody, just genuinely interested.

I think shouting at anybody in the street that they're a dwarf is not on whether they fulfil the criteria of the medical term 'dwarfism' or not. I don't think people on this thread are being rude, I think they're trying to reassure op that person who made the comment is out of order.

SunshineOutdoors · 18/09/2014 19:29

yakinamac do you really think every single person on this thread has displayed an attitude that's out of order?

Pinkje · 18/09/2014 19:32

bumped into a friend (s)

FWIW She is not a friend.

And you are not small.

Practise your witty one liners for when you next see her.

FuzzyWizard · 18/09/2014 19:35

Sunshine- being under 4'11" doesn't make someone a dwarf unless there's an underlying medical cause for their short stature. My friend is 4'9 and doesn't have any form of dwarfism.

"Dwarfism is a condition of short stature. It is defined by the advocacy group Little People of America (LPA) as an adult height of 4 feet 10 inches or under, as a result of a medical or genetic condition"

From WebMD

SunshineOutdoors · 18/09/2014 19:47

That makes more sense.

SaucyJack · 18/09/2014 19:51

I don't mind people commenting on my (5ft) height at all. I'm very happy with it and as such I don't get insulted no matter what- although being called "miscarriage" at school was pushing the limits a bit.

I think dwarf is an offensive and outdated term tho.

hazeyjane · 18/09/2014 19:57

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Restricted-growth/Pages/Introduction.aspx

This page explains about the differences between restricted growth, and restricted growth disorders. It might be worth reading.

Dayshiftdoris · 18/09/2014 19:59

Never been called a dwarf but if one more person comments that my child will be taller than me soon (with an added snigger) and in his ear shot then I might just commit murder.

As I have pointed out to them all - reaching 5ft and half an inch is hardly impressive... In fact given that most 12 year olds are bigger than me and he's on the 90th centile for height it's a bloody miracle he isn't already taller than me...

I forget how short I am until it's pointed out.

Dayshiftdoris · 18/09/2014 20:00

And. I normally add 'They don't make diamonds as big as bricks'

hazeyjane · 18/09/2014 20:01

Yak - the thing is when someone uses a term which has a medical basis (either now or in the past) -like dwarf or retard, spastic or autistic - not as a descriptive term, but as an insult, the insult is to the people that have disabilities related to those terms. That is why it is offensive to call someone one of the many names that people use that are offensive to people with disabilities.

Munchmallow · 18/09/2014 20:02

I'm 5'5 and people tell me i'm short.

I'm an inch taller than you ithoughtofitfirst and people are always telling me I'm tall!

People are strange...

YakInAMac · 18/09/2014 20:02

Sunshine, as is explained in FuzzyWizard's post, dwarfism is caused by a genetic condition and yes, is a disability, and often carries physical and health implications in addition to small stature.

You are right, there are posts which point out the disablist politics of calling someone a dwarf as an insult or even a casual comment (including the Op) - and to be fair to those posters it is those who sped to re-assure the OP that she is not a dwarf, or reacted in horror at the idea of being called a dwarf when you are not, and were not doing so from the pov of wishing to respect people who actually have dwarfism.

So my comments were addressed to them.

PumpkinsMummy · 18/09/2014 20:02

Dwarfism is defined not only by being under 4'10" but by having disproportionately short limbs but average size head and trunk (Like Warwick Davies for example). Someone who is of average proportions but 4'10" or under used to be classed as a midget, which is now considered an offensive term and has been replaced with little person.

Gl0ssy · 18/09/2014 20:08

People between 5'3&5'6 being told they're short I'd be a bit taken aback in your shoes. What are people comparing you too? The Average Woman or a fashion model?

SunshineOutdoors · 18/09/2014 21:28

Thanks yac I got a bit defensive as I felt I, as one of the posters on the thread, had been seen by you as offensive and felt hurt as that's not what I meant. Sorry for that and thanks for clarifying.

I agree that thinking 'dwarf' or 'dwarfism' is an insult in itself isn't right, it's more about the way it is used that is insulting to everyone.

HeeHiles · 18/09/2014 21:32

A booms 'bloody hell! You're SUCH a dwarf! Youre bloody tiny pushing that pram, bit tall for you isnt it!

You reply 'ha ha yes and blimey aren't you ugly??? you look like a troll - byeeee'

HeeHiles · 18/09/2014 21:38

Never been called a dwarf but if one more person comments that my child will be taller than me soon (with an added snigger) and in his ear shot then I might just commit murder

I hear you - I get this every day!!!

Alisvolatpropiis · 18/09/2014 21:47

Yanbu

Besides, I think it is 4'10 and under is the height at which someone am be described as being a dwarf/person of small stature etc.

You're just petite.

Verycold · 18/09/2014 21:56

As the mother of a child with dwarfism thank you to all of you who have used this thread to educate about the condition and to speak against the use of the term as an insult.

Just to add, there are 200+ types of dwarfism, with achondroplasia the most common. There is short-limbed dwarfism, but also types where the proportions are right but very small, eg primordial dwarfism.

My son has a type as yet undiagnosed, he is 8.

weebarra · 18/09/2014 22:00

Absolutely hazeyjane. Words for disabilities are so often used as insults.

ouryve · 18/09/2014 22:07

gl0ssy - my ex's family used to go on about how short I was. I was 5'5 at the time, ffs. OK, the women in the family were a few inches taller than me, but my ex used to go on as if it made me inferior.

Naturally, with my lovely shortarse MIL, we do discuss height, but only in the sense that we've been having a laugh together at how DS1's been catching up with her over the last year or so, but now, at 10, he just overtook her, a few weeks ago (seemingly overnight). FIL is 6', so DS1 appears to have his height genes. DNiece has MIL's height genes - so it's all a natural source of conversation as the kids grow up. We have the same on my side - DNephew is a tall lad with really tall grandparents on BIL's side and his current growth milestone, at the same age as DNiece, is overtaking 5'10 DH!

But never, ever as a random OMG aren't you so small!!!!! or good grief, you're a bit lanky aren't you?!

Gl0ssy · 18/09/2014 22:17

I used to get offended and now i think most people that go on about whatever it is they go on about (!) are just filling the silence!

apart from one colleague i had years ago who was a foot taller than I was 6'2" and she used to make strange comments that weren't just filling silence but apart from her i think people just open their mouths and out comes sound. do it myself. :-p

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