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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to be a governor at my ds's school?

20 replies

soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 12:43

I appreciate I'm probably over thinking things.

My ds is autistic and can be violent. His school, other children and parents have so far been very supportive. I have been very open with parents about my ds's needs and have been very visible in making sure he is gentle with others in the yard and at parties etc I have done this because i don't want ill feeling generated towards my ds if the story that goes home is that there is this 'naughty boy ' who hurts people and nobody does anything about it. Even here on mumsnet it is a fairly regular senario.

Anyway, I'm interested in applying to be a governor. Competition is quite fierce. However, I'm concerned that if i were do be successful in becoming a governor, the views of some parents might change. If my ds were to hurt their child, views might change from support for ds and an expectation of the school to be more vigilant to 'nothing happens to him because his mum is a governor ' Obviously this could chance the whole atmosphere for my ds.

What do you think? Am i overthinking it?

OP posts:

FryOneFatManic · 18/09/2014 12:51

As a former parent governor myself, most of the parents at DS's school don't actually know who the parent governors are, or indeed who any of the governors are.

My DS's school is trying to change this, but many parents don't want to know.

In your case, people will judge on the behaviour you've shown previously, I think, where you say you've been open and visible in helping him in his relationships with others. Thing is, most parents will be supportive, but no matter the background, there's always a minority of parents at schools who do have the mindset that 'nothing happens to him because his mum is a governor/PTA chair, etc'.

If you want to be a governor, and feel you can help, then I think go for it.

Do be aware that it can, however, take up quite a bit of time. It's not just a case of rubber-stamping decisions anymore.

TeenAndTween · 18/09/2014 13:07

Do you need to advocate for him a lot at the moment?
Are you at all worried about an actual or perceived conflict of interest?

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2014 13:11

I think you're over thinking it.

I've been a governor for nearly 7 years and as FryOne says, most of the parents don't know who the governors are. They really don't kneed to because the governing body doesn't deal with individual parents or their concerns, unless officially asked to.

CocktailQueen · 18/09/2014 13:14

If you think you can bring something to the table and be of value to the school, and you're not just doing it for your son's direct benefit, then yes, do apply. I know our school really values our parent governors, but it is a lot of work and can be quite time consuming - our governors had all-day training last Saturday!

PiperIsOrange · 18/09/2014 13:14

Will you have the time to commit to being a governor is the only thing as a mum I would be thinking.

Unexpected · 18/09/2014 13:15

I was a school governor and very few people at school ever knew - and I wasn't trying to keep it secret! Am quite jealous that you have competition for governors - people had to be almost arm-wrestled onto our Governing Body!

BreconBeBuggered · 18/09/2014 13:28

I'd agree that most people don't really know who the governors are, or what they do, so don't let that affect any decision you make. Do you know when the meetings take place, and do you have a DP or childcare to look after your DS when you're at a meeting or training? Certainly at the school where I'm a governor, it's practical obstacles like this that prevent good retention of parent governors. Be positive. Think more about the skills you can offer the governing body if there's competition for the role.

Original poster

soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 14:55

Thank you everyone for your comments. I think I'm worried about a perceived bias. I don't envisage there being any serious issues with being a governor. I would assume if anything serious cropt up do to with my ds i would be excused so there was not a conflict of interest.

However, maybe i might be better off waiting until at least my ds's statement is sorted out. It's taking up quite a bit of my time currently.

OP posts:

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 18/09/2014 15:02

DH is a parent governor and none of the parents know who I am let alone him (i'm the one who does the school run)

Such is the apathy for the post in our school he got in without the need for a vote.

SeptemberBabies · 18/09/2014 15:09

The school would not be biased in any way towards your son.

I know of a fellow (ex)governors son who was ultimately excluded from the school due to his very poor attendance. I suspect that the governor thought he may get some leeway on this due to his role as a governor. Not at all. The governor left soon afterwards siting personal difference with the Head (which isn't surprising, given the exclusion)

I think you are over-thinking it.

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2014 15:33

I would assume if anything serious cropt up do to with my ds i would be excused so there was not a conflict of interest.

I can't imagine a situation where a governing body would be discussing an individual child.

Even if there was a complaint about how the school dealt with an individual situation, the complaint would be made to the Head and then the chair of govs (if they weren't happy with the Head), without the rest of the governing body even knowing about the complaint.

The only time the governing body might get involved in a situation like that, would be to possibly agree a change in policy/procedure...and again that wouldn't involve naming or dealing with an individual child.

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 18/09/2014 15:34

Our governors discuss parents - they don't know which kids they belong to but where the parents make an absolute arse of themselves in the playground this does get mentioned in meetings

I feel our governors are a tad bitchy

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2014 15:41

Do you mean discussed officially as part of the agenda, or as gossip in between items?

Ididntseeitsoitdidnthappen · 18/09/2014 15:45

Gossip down the pub after the meetings

WorraLiberty · 18/09/2014 15:46

Oh right, so no different to parents gossiping in the playground really.

Not the sort of thing anyone can stop.

GoblinLittleOwl · 18/09/2014 16:47

The important thing is, why do you want to be a school governor?

And as to Ididntseeit..., Governors gossiping down the pub after meetings is shameful, discussing parents in a public place. If you really know that this is happening, you should report it, to the Head and the Chairman, always hoping they are not involved as well. I am shocked.

Original poster

soapboxqueen · 18/09/2014 16:53

I wanted to be a governor because i want to be involved. I've had to leave teaching because of my ds and I thought this might be a nice way of still being involved in education.

OP posts:

PastorOfMuppets · 18/09/2014 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unexpected · 18/09/2014 19:13

Well I can honestly say that in four years of being a governor we never once went to the pub! By the time meetings were over everyone was desperate to get home to do dinner, bedtime, pay the babysitter or whatever. I am shocked that governors would gossip about others in the context of a meeting as well. On our GB we only had two parent governors and two foundation governors who happened to still have children in school. That was four out of a total of fourteen, most of the rest would have had no clue who the parents were or what they were up to.

Jennifersrabbit · 18/09/2014 19:23

I am a school governor and also have a DS who is 8, has special needs, is statemented and unfortunately also can be aggressive (although we are making headway).

I wanted to become a governor because the school are extremely supportive of my son and I wanted to make a contribution in return. I have ended up as the SEN governor which is interesting, but having hands on experience I think I have a lot to offer.

Obviously it's important you are at least 80-90% supportive of how the school works with your DS. I have been really careful not to ask for special favours for DS - for example when some children had to move class this year, I was supportive of him being the one.

On the other side of the coin consider how you'd feel if you were seriously unhappy with the schools approach to your DS. I have had to bite my tongue once or twice because I don't want to fall out with the Head and then go to governors meeting. As it's only once or twice I can cope!

As Pps have said governors would never discuss an individual child in a meeting - unless, I believe, it were a case of appeal against exclusion in which case you'd obviously be excused. We have always been told that you are there as a governor not a parent - ie you are making decisions which are about the good running of the whole school, not about your child.

Anyway Id say go for it. Good luck!

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