letting go of teenage daughter

[halfthewaytothemoon]

what a funny feeling DD nearly 18. She spends all her time in her room talking to her friends everyone loves her. feel sad any advice on letting go or moving to the next phase

I could've written this thread. My dd is 17 and I feel so sad and scared at the thought of her leaving me.
I'm actually welling up at the thought of it now.

It's difficult but ime teenagers/young adults can need their parents more than younger ones at times.

Just for different reasons and not as frequently.

Try to be happy in the fact you're raising an independent woman. This is probably the calm before the 'relying on you for eventual childcare storm'

It's hard! But on the plus side, you watch them grow and it's amazing:)
My kids are 22, 21, 20 and 17. I think of them as just that.. my children.

But when I see them in their own spheres (21 yr old ds is a support worker, responsible for a couple of highly volatile chaps with schizophrenia and learning disabilities.. 22 yr old is a 5th yr medical student, 21 yr old 3rd yr nurse student)... I realise that the outside world sees them as adults! This is mindblowing to me

Tonight I have DD1 and DS1 (who still lives at home) with me.. they are entertaining, funny, discussing the Scottish Referndum and they are just as loving, cuddly and gorgeous as they were at 5. The separation period of 18+ has settled back into a much closer relationship ..with me and Dh and with eachother.

DD1 will be a doctor in 10 months time... that actually blows my tiny mind somewhat... a real fully functional adult! But she still comes home when she can, still cuddles me on the sofa... and it is FINE.

You let them go, and they come back:) My girls have been at Uni for 4 and2 years so far and it just makes the times together more precious. Hang in there!

We had a big party for my daughter's 21st recently. So many people there I didn't know, her friends from uni and people from her casual cafe worker job. Made me realise how grown up and independent she was. She's living an adult life as she should, but I do wonder where my baby girl went. Wasn't it only the other day she was all excited about starting school?

Do you have any younger children or are your girls the youngest? I say this because I have 16 yes old dd, who was an only until she was 14 - and I was sooo sad all of the time before I had dd2 in 2012. If luff had been perfect id have had 3 kids but it's too late now being 42 and hating my H!!!
Anyway I just wanted to say that I relate and I think it's very normal to feel like this as they get nearer and nearer to being 'grown up' and leaving home - you can still do things together tho, go for dinner, shop, movies concerts If you like music, go see a show - it sing the end, just a beginning of a new stage

It's hard, but don't say anything. I moved to London after school & had the time of my life. Only when I returned five years later, did my mother say that she'd missed me. It would have been a burden to me to know that as I was very independent. She did the right thing & now that I'm older, we see each other all the time. Still calls me by my childhood nickname sometimes!

DD is 16 and I feel her deliberately looking to be more independent (hard living somewhere where you need a lift to do anything).

I'm going to miss her, if/when she goes to uni., but DH and DD2 will miss her more.

She's utterly the apple of DH's eye and the person who understands DD2 best.

Don't worry they often leave and then bloody well come back.

Anyway my oldest have left home so we still have the teen girls.

They are still and always will be my babies but I know that they are inky that to me and dh and quite grown up to everyone else really.

Worrying gets worse though I think as they get older. Littlies are a doddle.

He's still your baby! Of course he is. But it's a secret.

My eldest baby, who was obviously my first baby, has had his own baby. It's like Inception!

Sometimes I can't get my head round it and want to just mother them both and then I remember he's a grown up and the baby has his own mother.

I'm not actually a baby person and it is so nice that I can enjoy my DC as adults and not need to do things for them, it's a privilege that although they don't need you anymore they want you there. I can understand though if you are someone who likes the baby/needing you phase it must be really really difficult.

Just think of it as the next exciting phase! Once you have got used to it it is very enjoyable to have your own space and be free to do your own thing. If you have done it well, given them roots and wings, then you see quite a lot of them anyway. It is good to be able to go and stay with them rather than them always staying with you. The older they get the more they appreciate you!

Medusa, that is just what I needed to hear. 21 yo DS heads back to university for his fourth year, and 19 yo DD1 (who has just a year out in which she did a lot growing up things) heads off to do medicine, both on Sunday, I think I'm going to feel bereft. I'll be losing half my children in one go. Not really looking forward to next week tbh.

Medusa, you are so right. I still can't believe I have managed to grow a proper adult human being .

I feel your pain, my daughter is just turned 18 and planning to go to University in Sept. She is such a fun, loud, crazy, huge personality and the house is going to be so so quiet with just me and 14 year old (much quieter) DD in it. We will both miss her terribly, especially as her plans include being at a Uni somewhere down south, so she will be a long way from home and not able to visit home very often.

Mummydeer - correction, your 18 year old is an ADULT not a child, and unless the relationship she is in is an abusive one, it is not yours or your husband's business to discuss / comment on whatsoever.

What lovely posts this has inspired. Mine are in nursery and year 1. I hope I can speak with such heartwarming confidence when they are older.Really nice.

I dreaded my 2 lovely DS's leaving home, DS2 went to uni at 18 and I really thought I would not cope, his DB left at 22 so we have an empty nest now they are 25 and 21. Life is good, we never have to think about what they are doing, if we have a fridge full for them or worrying and listening for them coming in after a night out. they keep in touch enough so I don't worry but I am amazed at how I have adjusted to not having them around, they come home for hols , xmas etc and we have a lovely time, we are actually much closer now we don't have to share a home / bathroom etc! I do sometimes get nostalgic for their baby years but on the whole we have our own life back as a couple and are enjoying the different relationship you have with older (adult !!) children.

Oh FFS! This is zombie thread!

bugger caught out with a zombie! why just why?