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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I must be such a crap mum.

13 replies

PiperIsOrange · 17/09/2014 22:55

Ds is asd and we have been through hell and back, but last year managed to get him a statement of SEN and the funding that goes with it.

Dd started school last year and I thought everything was fine, but her teacher has now put her on the special needs register. Her teacher has said she needs a lot of help with reading specifically her phonics. That her number work is hit and miss and she lacks concentration.

I just feel at this moment in time that I must not be nurturing my children academic side enough. How could I have failed both of them.

OP posts:
HamstersAndHockeySticks · 17/09/2014 22:58

I don't have any experience of this, but you haven't failed them at all

And have a Brew and a Cake. I am sure you are an amazing mum.

NerfHerder · 17/09/2014 22:58

She's only reception? Well- lots of R aged children find concentrating difficult!
Did the teacher give you any strategies to improve her concentration?

Your son having ASD is not your fault! You haven't failed him- he got a statement (and that's really difficult to get atm).

BobbyDazzler1 · 17/09/2014 22:59

Hey listen don't do this! It's not you. The situation of your children's special needs is not a reflection of you as a mother. It's beyond your control. Things for you are tough enough without adding a guilt trip!

Original poster
PiperIsOrange · 17/09/2014 23:03

Dd is in year 1, I am petrified of history repeating it self.

OP posts:
halfthewaytothemoon · 17/09/2014 23:05

You are a great Mum what was the school thinking of putting either of your children in a box before they have had a chance to pass go. This appears to be the teacher`s problem fixating on targets and outcomes...she is only in Reception mine could not even reliably find their own pegs at that age. Trust yourself and your kids you will always know best read stories play games eat cake all will be well.

NerfHerder · 17/09/2014 23:08

So she's still only 5?
Ask the teacher/TA for their advice on how to improve her concentration span.
Go back to basics on her phonics- go back to phase one, and make sure she knows what each sound actually sounds like, going over it will help.
Ask the teacher for the scheme of work for Reception, and go back over it with DD, filling in any gaps in her knowledge, so she can have a good foundation to work from now in Y1.
Can she follow instructions from you? Do she sit calmly when it's time to read to you at home? Is she attentive when you're reading stories to her?

MostPeopleAreMad · 17/09/2014 23:09

You are NOT a crap mum Flowers Brew Cake

Bogeyface · 17/09/2014 23:11

Are you sure she said Special Needs Register? I ask because unless she is Statemented (as you know) she wont get assigned dedicated help. What is a SNR anyway?

In our school they have groups where children who are struggling with various issue be it socialising, numbers, reading etc are taught and helped in a smaller group.

I would be asking to see the HT and find out what percentage of kids are on this "register" (a high percentage could indicate poor teaching rather than issues with learning) and what exactly that means.

You have not failed, having been through the fun that is statementing I can say without fear of contradiction that you have achieved something to be proud of.

Original poster
PiperIsOrange · 17/09/2014 23:11

I don't really do stories at home, even though we have a lot of children books DC are not interested.

OP posts:
HamstersAndHockeySticks · 17/09/2014 23:14

To be honest it's still only early days, a lot of children still struggle at that age, but it doesn't always mean they'll struggle forever.

If itt helps at all, I'm autistic and I also struggled with concentration and academically throughout my early years at primary school and tbh pretty much a good portion of my later primary school years. It wasn't really until secondary that I pulled through and I went from being in the bottom sets to top sets, winning awards for work, etc. I also got good GCSE's and A Levels and am starting my degree in February. I doubt anyone wlould have ever imagined I'm manage those things when I was in primary school.

Some people do struggle early on but really make improvements later. Chin up.

NerfHerder · 17/09/2014 23:17

Has she had a hearing check or sight test?
My smallest wasn't into picture books at all... but then we found out he was almost blind!
Not saying that's the case, but it's worth knowing.

Can you start to do stories with her? Children learn so much from their parents reading to them- even just hearing your voice, and having 10 minutes 1-1 a day just the 2 of you can be so good for them. I appreciate that may be difficult if your other child has ASD, don't know your family set-up.
Reading together can help reinforce her phonics too.

Do you point out words/sounds on packets/signs? That can help reinforce her learning.

Original poster
PiperIsOrange · 17/09/2014 23:27

She has had a hearing test and a recent eye test.

OP posts:
Balaboosta · 18/09/2014 07:41

I wouldn't worry one way or another about this register-thing. The main thing is that support is in place for your dc. DS - also ASD- got his statement and 1:1 in place at start of yr2. Obviously he was behind academically at that point. No guilt in that. By end of yr2 he had gone from reception level to almost caught-up to the average - in other words, almost three years progress in a year! Let the school do its thing now that help is in place and see what happens. Incidentally, school never really shared with me how behind he was until he caught up, which is strange but I'm fine with it. And definitely definitely ditch the guilt already! What's with that? You're doing a good job and getting help for your dc.

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