Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the mum?

27 replies

Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 15:47

I really don't know what I should do to be honest.

DS goes to a special school, a child came out, went to his mum, ran back in and hit another child. Mum grabbed him and mum and teacher took him away. Children with the condition this little boy has can sometimes lash out like this.

Other child was being comforted by what I assume was a TA although she could be a teacher, but if she was then I would be even more worried.

The little boy who had been hit's mum came and obviously asked what the matter was.

Now as a teacher I would explain the situation quietly as it happened, while not mentioning any names.

This TA shouted (so parents waiting far away could hear even though she was inside) "Ben!! It was Ben! There *points he just came in and hit him. He always hits, he's been on one all day, it's such a shame because Kai was smiling and then Ben just came and hit him for nothing!"

(Names obviously changed)

Mum was busy getting Ben in the car so didn't hear. Ben is not normally a violent child.

If it was my child being spoken about like that I would want to know. Everyone heard and looked quite shocked.

Do I tell the mum what happened after she left? I would want to know but I don't know if I should.

OP posts:
Pheonixisrising · 17/09/2014 15:49

No don't tell the mum , report it to the school if you are concerned

Thumbwitch · 17/09/2014 15:50

Tough one! I think something needs to be said somewhere, but I don't think I'd want to tell "Ben's" mum about it :(
Perhaps you could have a quiet word with the head, or deputy head, about it? Say that a lot of parents heard the outburst and were quite shocked that a teacher/TA would be so unprofessional about a child in their care?

Ugh, I don't know, sorry.

TheRealMaryMillington · 17/09/2014 15:53

TA is bang out of order
I would have a word with the school

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 15:53

I do know the mum quite well, she's one of those 'distant' friends, if that makes any difference, she was on my Facebook when I had it, I don't anymore.

DS isn't violent but whenever he was a victim of a hit out at his old school I would be told quietly, factually, and not told any names or anything else about the child, other than say "the child was in time out and was having a hard time it wasn't anything to do with DS"

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/09/2014 15:54

Personally, wether or not I told Ben's DM, I'd be tempted to drop an email to the HT. The TA shouldn't publicly shame a DC like that.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 15:55

I know I should tell the HT but I'm going in on Friday with my own gripe (lack of named 1:1 for DS even though it's funded and written in his EHC plan)

I don't want to be the pain in the arse mum. He hasn't been there long

OP posts:
ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/09/2014 15:56

Xpost.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 15:57

To be honest, I'm starting to question my choice in school. It's only 2 weeks into the first term and there's already been a bucket load of issues Sad

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 17/09/2014 15:57

Well the thing is that Ben's mum can't report the outburst as she didn't hear it. So even if you told her, and she took it up with the school, it would only be hearsay - so it's better if you (or perhaps one of the other shocked parents?) had a word, as you actually heard it!

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 15:58

Argh Sad I'm going to have to say something aren't I? To be quite honest I'm starting not to want him there anymore. I thought it was a good school. What have I done?

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 17/09/2014 16:02

Oh dear, that's a shame - but if he's only been there 2 weeks, then better to know now and think about changing, rather than leave him there for longer and find out later when there's more chance it will have adversely affected him, iyswim?

Yes, I think you do have to say something - add it to your list of "things that are wrong and need addressing". :(

ElephantsNeverForgive · 17/09/2014 16:03

Don't worry about being a pain in the arse mum. Sometimes things need drawing to schools attention.

Most TAs are absolutely brilliant, but they aren't teachers and some of the tact and rules of confidentiality drummed into teachers, can be forgotten when they are stressed.

Missunreasonable · 17/09/2014 16:04

You will have to say something to the head and then to the governors if there is no resolution and methods put into place to prevent this TA / teacher or any other staff from doing something similar in the future.
I am disgusted that a child with SN can have a member of school staff behave in such a way about him.
Please don't leave this.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 16:05

There's nowhere to change to in this LA. There is one other school that has been on the news for abuse of children so I won't be sending him there. And that's it.

OP posts:
AnnieLobeseder · 17/09/2014 16:05

Wow. I thought is was standard procedure in childcare and education settings that if a child is hit by another child, you pass on the details of the incident to the parent but not the name of the perpetrator. That's just asking for all kinds of trouble and issues.

I'd have a word with the school. Could you ask if they have a policy on such things?

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 16:07

It's just the way she spoke about that child with special needs. I didn't think any human would do that never mind one who works in a school for special needs.

I don't know if she was a TA, could have been a teacher, but I just didn't think that was likely given what she did.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 17/09/2014 16:11

Maybe she's new? And hasn't been given sufficient training? In which case you're doing the school a favour to let them know that she needs more training ASAP!

That's a right bugger about the school situation though - but I think, if you can bear it and have the time and energy, that you need to be that PITA mum to make sure that they up their game as much as possible - maybe even join the PTA, if there is one and you have the time?

PastorOfMuppets · 17/09/2014 16:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 16:16

Just changed DSs nappy and he hasn't even been cleaned properly. Full of bits of shit all over his poor little bottom and now he's all sore. I don't want to send him back.

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 17/09/2014 16:17

Oh lovely, that's rubbish! Poor boy :(

PastorOfMuppets · 17/09/2014 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoodleOodle · 17/09/2014 16:25

Oh no, of course you aren't happy if even his basic care needs aren't being met. Agree with a pp that you NEED to be that pita mum now, to get things to a satisfactory level asap.

Triooooooooooo · 17/09/2014 16:25

tBH I do think parent / teacher relations are a lot more relaxed in a sn school, we all know each other quite well and are a lot more tolerant to violent behavior.

My D's can be aggressive and he's also been assaulted, on either occasion the kids names have been mentioned and I've never taken issue. with this.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 16:27

I rang school. The head was away and the deputy head had left so I spoke to someone from management and she said it is not the sort of thing that goes on in school and it definitely is not something that should be discussed in a public way and thanked me for my call and said someone would ring me tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurr1cane · 17/09/2014 16:30

I've not said about DS yet. I am going to wait until the headteacher is back on Monday I think and have a word with her. He did have a 1:1 for about 2 days and then she disappeared and they were very vague saying they hoped she would be back, so I get the impression she's on long term sick.

I'll give them till Monday to sort that out and have a word with the head. I think I'll have a quiet word about DSs nappy with whoever gets him from me in the morning.

I know sometimes it can be hard to get all the poo off but that's what the shower rooms there are for. And there was quite a lot left on. Enough to blister him.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread