Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to ask friend to leave?

12 replies

Elfina · 17/09/2014 14:12

I have a friend coming to stay overnight on Saturday. She's a lovely person, and she sent me a message a week or so ago saying that she feels like I am becoming distant, making less of an effort, etc. This is true, mostly because I'm the first (and only) one of our group to have a baby (she's two, now). They all live in North London, I'm SE London which has seriously bad train service at the weekend, so can make seeing each other tricky. Additionally, I'm finishing off a doctorate. Its fair to say I've a lot going on, but I am sorry that I've been neglecting friendships, and am trying to get back on track, hence getting her to come over and stay on Saturday night (this is so we can have a drink and relax, without either of us travelling hours on a night bus).

Problem is, I start a brand new job on Monday. I'm really jittery about it, and I would like Sunday to be really low key, just spending quality time with DH and DD before my first day.

I feel terrible, but how can I ask this friend to leave in the morning?! I don't know how to say it without sounding like a complete knob, pushing her out of the door. Or, am I being unreasonable, and I should just let her leave when she wants?

OP posts:

jopickles · 17/09/2014 14:17

maybe set a breakfast date then she can leave from there so you are both away from the house and not pushing her out of the door as such but you will have spent a nice hour or so together

BettyFocker · 17/09/2014 14:18

I think considering how your friend feels about your friendship at the moment (and you agree), I wouldn't want to do anything to rock the boat.

You can still have a low-key day with your friend at your house. And there'll be plenty of weekends for low-key family time. But by the sounds of it, there isn't much opportunity for maintaining friendships.

That would be my priority this weekend rather than having a family day, even if you are starting a new job. Even if you're feeling jittery about it, I don't really see how having your friend there or not the day before will make a difference.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 17/09/2014 14:19

I don't think it's unreasonable to want a chill day before starting a new job, did you not know about that before booking in the evening with your friend?

I think I would say something along the lines of, "Just wanted to let you know, I need to spend Sunday prepping for the new job on Monday, so will have to be a boring old parp and kick you out late morning, sorry about the timing. Can't wait to see you!"

Letting her know ahead of time would be less awks than trying to shoo her out on the day.

Roseformeplease · 17/09/2014 14:20

Why don't you "leave" with her and go somewhere for brunch and then you can take your 2 year old to wave bye-bye to the train etc as she goes. That will give you the rest of the day.

CheatingSucks · 17/09/2014 14:22

I don't think you are being unreasonable but tell her in advance what you want to happen on the Sunday! I'm sure she will understand.

Original poster

Elfina · 17/09/2014 14:23

Yes, I did know about starting the job before hand, but I guess inviting her round was a bit of a knee jerk reaction to her telling me how she felt. I'm really torn; I love her dearly and I don't want to upset her any more than I already have. Actually, maybe that's the the answer, the job nerves will pass and upsetting her won't be worth it.

OP posts:

Delphine31 · 17/09/2014 14:23

I think it would be a little unfair to ask her to leave too early in the day given that she is making the effort to come over to see you. However it is understandable that you want Sunday to be low key ahead of starting your new job.

If she were to leave mid afternoon that would still give you time to chill out. Perhaps you could explain the situation, say you still can't wait to see her but ask that she heads off around 2pm as you need time to prepare for work the next day. You could spoil her by making a nice brunch or something late morning?

BettyFocker · 17/09/2014 14:26

Rose's idea of brunch is good.

Maybe say, "How you fancy going to such-and-such place for brunch before you leave on Sunday?"

That gives a hint that her visit is to finish early on Sunday without making her feel like you're kicking her out early.

seasavage · 17/09/2014 14:40

YANBU. It's a bit unsympathetic of her to take pot shots at your effort, rather than trying to understand what your pressures are (but maybe this weekend is fact finding. It takes more than one person to make a friendship work so it's not all you. Don't apologise, it's a shame maybe. But not your deliberate effort!
Enjoy the weekend. Be relaxed about getting her out, present her with a rough plan for the weekend. Whilst she is there maybe plan a slot (lunch? ) for just the two of you once you've got a feel for the new job?

PoirotsMoustache · 17/09/2014 14:53

Maybe having your friend over will take your mind off your new job and help to settle the nerves.

Topaz25 · 17/09/2014 15:00

I think the suggestion of brunch is genius, it gets her out of the house early while still spending quality time with her.

SummerSazz · 17/09/2014 15:04

Presumably your 2 year old wakes up at c.5.30 (don't they all? ). As it sounds like she is not used to children she'll be out of the door by 8.30 mark my words........

Flip