AIBU to work? please help, don't know what to do

[Failingfreakishly]

I have recently started working full time in a job I really like. However I have an ongoing health condition with a crappy immune system. Since starting six months ago, I have missed a lot of time, maybe 6 days when I was having a secondary spinal issue checked out (turned out to be not as serious as could have been so I am lucky) and worked from home with chest infections for about 8 days. I do hit my deadlines and haven't made any grave errors yet.

Today I came down with a sinus infection and I just feel so exhausted and don't know how to keep going. I went to work because I'm afraid I've worked from home too much lately and something will be said. But my head was totally blank all day, I hardly got anything done. I was so sick and shivery and in quite a lot of pain.

What do other people do who are frequently ill?? How do they manage? I cried on the tube home, couldn't help it because if I lose my job I am fucked, I was just coming to the end of my savings when I got this job. I have no family to support me. I'm totally by myself and if I mess up I'll end up sick on the street.

AIBU to try to keep hold of my job though? I can see the way my colleagues look at me when I leave at 6 and don't stay late, they probably think really poorly of me for not 'leaning in'. It's a graduate entry position doing interesting work so there are people out there who would give their right arm for my job.

I am so sad because I feel like I'm only able to work to about half my potential, because I have no support and am ill so much. Am I selfish to try to hang on to my job when some eager grad a couple of years younger could probably do it all better than me using half the energy??

:( I wish I had some answer for you. Your situation sounds untenable.

I would not say that you are selfish though.

Is your employer aware of your health problems? Is there any way that you could arrange to work from home more and maybe claim benefits to top up your income?

Hopefully someone will come along with some useful advice!

So sorry to read this. They recruited you. They obviously think you can do the job. Are they aware of your situation? Are you ill enough to be considered disabled? I'd be sending you to occupational health for an assessment so I could understand the adjustments you needed.

My employer was aware of my disease from the initial interview. But they probably didn't understand that I would get ill. I even wasn't expecting to get ill this much, I have never worked full time before so all through uni or other jobs I could push myself when really busy but always had enough time to rest, say after a month working flat out, etc. It's because I've been full time six months now and as if I have accumulated exhaustion, with no recovery time.

Would not be eligible for benefits on my current salary.

Thanks for the support. Yes, I believe too that I can actually do my job to a good standard, when I'm moderately well. Unfortunately it seems to be one thing after another, its like I have burnt out very quickly with no reserves.

You're meeting your targets and deadlines.
So you're doing well

Who cares if you leave at 6? I know the feeling of thinking others think you're slacking but you are not.

If you're sick then stay off work. You will make yourself worse.

Also can you go part time? For health reasons I bet you could. So 4 days a week with say Wednesdays off or work from home one day a week.

Do you have a sympathetic manager OP? Is the organisation disabled-friendly? They were aware of your health condition from the start so should be able to help you with 'reasonable adjustments'. Is it the sort of job where you could routinely work from home or adjust your hours so you get some down time? 6pm is not early to leave the office!
Is there a charity for your illness/ disability rights organisation/ trade union that could advise you? You are not being unreasonable to work, but you may be finding your limits, particularly if you have taken something on which has a long hours culture. Do you have some holiday you could take to have a rest? Make it clear that you are not whingeing/ swinging the lead, you have a medical condition which you need to manage so that you can do the job to your full ability, and are looking for some flexibility to help you do so!
Good luck

I think it will get better. I remember being utterly exhausted by my first of work. It is such a big shift (I found this even though I studied full time and worked 20hrs a week at Uni).

Hang in there, look after yourself, and I think you will find next year easier.

For goodness sake don't lean in. You need to take care of yourself. I'm a
great believer that you get more done working hard in reasonably hours than fluffing about all day and stretching it out to a 14hr day.

I think you need to have a meeting to explain. It's incumbent on them to make adjustments but they need to know what the situation is before they can adjust to it.

I had a health problem for 2 years OP and luckily for me it resolved itself but when I was going through it and didn't know the outcome it was extremely upsetting and scarey for me. I remember very well that feeling of worrying if I would lose my job, being afraid of the judgement of others and feeling such frustration with myself and the situation. I really feel for you.

I have a good friend with a long term health condition that affects his immune system. He is now classified as disabled and is therefore afforded various rights and benefits that have really helped him. His employer has been variable in their response to his difficulties but this extra protection has made them see things in a more favourable light. Is that a possibility for you?

Thank you again for your thoughts and ideas.

I'm in the process of applying for PIP, so if I get that I also have official recogniton of having a disability. Not sure how to have it officially noted otherwise though?

The boss is very nice and I have explained about my health a bit, I'm just worried that as a small company they will eventually think they could get someone much better than me with boundless energy. I mean, as a small business owner, you would obviously much prefer to have staff you don't need to make any allowances for.

Had a think, and unless they sack me I think I want to try it for a year and see do I adjust and graduallly feel less exhausted and run down (which in turn then might lead to getting fewer bugs) as I get into the swing of it.

Ask a silly question but have you taken a decent chunk of your annual leave since you've started?

In your position, you should make sure you take a week every 3 months if you can to rest properly.

Contact the disability adviser at your local job centre. They are there to help people get jobs and also to help people keep their jobs.

They will look at what you need and put it in place and pay for it.

Not sure what they could/would put in place but they can do thinks like pay for a taxi to/from work if you have fatigue.

I second sashh 's suggestion - there may be funding your boss can access to assist you staying in work as you have an ongoing condition.

In my work (although admittedly a large company) there would be a complete review of what could be done to help you (which in turn helps the company) - you certainly wouldn't be pensalised. There sometimes comes a point when everything which is reasonable has been done but at the moment it sounds like you are struggling on alone so there is probably lots of things which haven't been tried yet.

Have a look at the Equality Act and reasonable adjustments, sorry can't link on phone but ACAS have lots of info. You just need to make sure you know your rights as your employers do have to make reasonable adjustments ie I have in the past, reduced my hours, varied my working pattern etc.

People don't often believe that you can be sacked for long term illness etc but unfortunately you can under capability procedures so it's worth knowing your rights. Having said that, I don't want to alarm you, it seems like you are doing very well, your employers are understanding so have a think if there is anything that would assist you. It's better to approach your bosses and have them on side as if you are an asset to the business (and it sounds like you are!). Please do make sure you use your annual leave and rest as much as possible at weekends or when you are not working.

Good on you, I know how hard it is to work when you have a health condition,

Excuse my typos and random words, am tired.

Will things change if you manage it better or get better medication? Or is this it now. I have had two long periods of being very very unwell and I didn't miss a day of work because I literally didn't do anything else other than work and slept as soon as I got home and rested all weekend.

That was just about manageable but if I had felt like that all the time I couldn't have just resigned myself to only ever working and doing nothing else, i would have had to work less hours or taken a much less demanding job because life has to be about more than just working.

I am so sorry for you PP

Thank you all

I am hoping it will get better - and actually my results etc in hospital clinics have been improving over the last year so I should be improving my long term situation healthwise. It should all get better, it should.

Will investigate the local disability adviser, I'm not sure if they only fund people under a certain income (I earn a very modest amount for London but more than min wage) but is worth a try. I find standing for two hours a day on my commute adds to the exhaustion when I'm already having a bad day health-wise.