to ask where I went wrong and what I could have done better re 6yo behaviour

[Daddypigsgusset]

After school we were all busy, as usual dds went from room to room playing and leaving mess everywhere as usual.
Dds had eaten earlier and I asked 6yo (the eldest) to move what was hers from the table so that I could clear the rest and dh and I could sit down to eat. She came down watching a film on her ipad and stood for about a minute staring at it. I called her name twice and got no response. I called again a little louder and asked her to put the ipad down and move the stuff that is hers before it gets mixed up with everything else. She said 'no, I'm watching this' I said 'pause it, it will take 10 seconds dad and I are waiting to eat' she screamed at me, top volume 'I said no!!'
So I snatched the ipad away and switched it off. She started screaming and crying so I scooped everything off the table and dumped it all in the same box (crafty stuff) her screaming got louder because her stuff was mixed up with everything else. Still waiting to eat, she's still screaming so I sent her to her room. Was screamed at 'no!!' Several times before I took her by the hand and pulled her there where she carried on screaming.
Which point did I go wrong? I have told her no ipad until weekend but it all seems so over the top for something that would never have happened had she put a few pens and stickers away.

I would definitely have asked her to clear away the mess before putting the iPad on and I would not allow her to go from room to room making a mess. Ds's 1&3 were both quite unbearable tantrumy at that age but outgrew it (ds2 was silent treatment all the way). Ds3 is 8 now and we have a very peaceful life.

I don't think you did anything particularly wrong - she was rude as well as ignoring you when you made a reasonable request for her to move her things. But it could have been managed better.

On my perfect days I make sure DS is looking at me before I issue a request and he will get a clear consequence for non compliance and I do not tolerate rudeness. On my less than perfect days (tired, after work, stressed out etc) I end up doing similar and going off at the deep end.

ppaka mainly agree with you! but got to say I don think it's an unreal expectation when you can pause it. If I'd left stuff out after work (work from home) and dh said could I move it, I'd simply pause what I was watching and move it so I'd expect my children to do the same.

Sorry iPad ruining punctuation!

The only question I would have is as it's 'her' iPad does she have to ask you before she goes on it? My DS uses mine fairly often but he always has to ask first and I do take it away after a while as it makes him rude and self absorbed! Getting engrossed in anything like that does to most children. That's why I don't allow free access to it - does your DD have free access to hers?