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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excessive punishment at ds school

47 replies

supersop60 · 16/09/2014 18:49

My son's teacher punished him today; he had to miss his PE lesson (and watch the others do it) and tomorrow he has to miss his playtime and repeat a piece of work. What did he do? He forgot to put his name on his work.
WIBU to complain to the school? DS has pleaded with me not to, because he'll get told off again if I complain. Any suggestions how I might word the email/letter? or should I go in person. Additional info - he's in yr 6 and he's Head Boy.

OP posts:
Chunderella · 16/09/2014 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

concernedaboutheboy · 16/09/2014 18:51

Hmmm, are you sure he did no more than forgot to put his name on something? This sounds very unlikely. Just sayin, there may be another reason for him being desperate for you not to speak to school.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2014 18:51

How many times has he forgotten?

He shouldn't be missing PE as it's part of the curriculum, that's just weird.

If he's been told repeatedly to remember to write his name on his work, I think missing playtime would be punishment enough.

youbethemummylion · 16/09/2014 18:52

Have you heard this from his teacher or from him? Perhaps the teachers view of the incident will be different.

WorraLiberty · 16/09/2014 18:52

And yes, find out why he was given 3 punishments for one 'crime', just in case there's more to it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 16/09/2014 18:53

Overreaction much! A name? Really. God you'd think he'd punched a teacher or something

thatstoast · 16/09/2014 18:55

Tell him to misbehave in PE and ask if he can miss maths as punishment.

AnguaResurgam · 16/09/2014 18:57

When you make enquiries, do be aware of the possibility that your son is pleading with you not to raise it because the events are not quite as he has described them.

thedancingbear · 16/09/2014 18:57

I think you've got to confirm this is what really happened before you go steaming in. It sounds very implausible to me.

ilovesooty · 16/09/2014 19:00

I agree that you need to hear the teacher's version of events.

MissMillament · 16/09/2014 19:02

From a teacher's perspective that certainly is an excessive punishment for the reported crime, and you should never use missing a lesson as punishment anyway. However, be prepared to find out that the offence was not as stated. I have lost count of the number of times that parents have phoned up indignantly to contest a detention because the child was only 'insert innocuous activity' only to find out that actually the true story was rather different to the way their DC had presented it. So by all means speak to the school but do it in a way that ensures you get all the facts before making a judgement.

Bulbasaur · 16/09/2014 19:05

Yes, I'd ask the teacher what's going on. Forgetting a name is a non-issue.

3 punishments like that probably means he was acting up in class, and forgetting his name was one of many things wrong that he did.

Oakmaiden · 16/09/2014 19:07

I find the best way to approach things like this is to say to the teacher: "I understand there was an incident yesterday, which E was quite upset about when she got home. Would you mind telling me what happened?"

I tend to find either the wrongdoing has been downplayed by my child, or the punishment has been overstated/exaggerated. If that turns out not to be the case, then ask the teacher to explain why she feels it was an appropriate response.

Gatehouse77 · 16/09/2014 19:08

As others have said, I would approach the teacher first and clarify your understanding. Perception and interpretation can be skewed by anyone...

LadyLuck10 · 16/09/2014 19:10

I would also find out from the teacher and think it's more than what he is telling you. Probably why he doesn't want you to speak to the teacher.

DefinitleySpeltWrong · 16/09/2014 19:12

Have you had a look at the schools discipline policy?

stealthsquiggle · 16/09/2014 19:12

What oakmaiden (and others) said - get the teacher's version (without telling them what DS said, or telling DS that you are asking) before you go in all guns blazing.

KnackeredMuchly · 16/09/2014 19:13

Yes you should speak to the teacher to find the truth. If it is as your son says it then yanbu to complain vigorously!

Brightbutchilly · 16/09/2014 19:16

Children don't generally get told off because their parents complain...

soverylucky · 16/09/2014 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
supersop60 · 16/09/2014 19:22

Thanks all. I will ask for the teacher's perspective first. It is unusual for him to get told off - he's one of the 'good boys' generally. It's the second time he's had this teacher - first time was in yr 3 and I didn't care much for the way she worked then.

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 16/09/2014 19:25

Sorry but there is NO WAY that a child would miss PE, miss Break and have to do work again simply for missing off a name-even in year 6 when we tend to get tough! If some of mine miss their name off any work they have to share the marks/team points/level given between them, that's usually enough punishment for competitive year 6's!

GoblinLittleOwl · 16/09/2014 19:29

I would leave it; he has misbehaved, been punished, and doesn't want you to know why.
And I am always astonished by children who are in trouble, are punished, and then go running to mummy for sympathy.
He clearly doesn't accept that he has done anything wrong, and you are going to reinforce that.

Fairenuff · 16/09/2014 20:08

I think the reason he doesn't want to you contact school is because you will find out what really happened. There is no way someone would miss PE simply for not writing their name on something. No way at all.

I would send the email to school asking what happened first.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 16/09/2014 20:11

Agree with the majority on here - he hasnt told you the full truth OP.