To give this girl a piece of my mind (or even uninvite her)

[Joolsy]

DD's friend's bday today (11). We gave her several little things, one of them being a friendship journal which she could fill in. At school today she said very loudly so DD could hear, to some of the other kids "H got me really rubbish presents. I mean, who actually has a friendship journal?" This girl just seems to play mind games with DD on an almost daily basis. Luckily DD and I can see straight through her. She's not all bad & her and DD do have a nice time together some of the time. When this girl was mean to DD a couple of months ago, DD said to her that if she behaved like that again she would no longer be her friend and the girl said "oh please don't do this to me, you're the only proper friend I've ever had!" So she forgave her. It's DD's party next weekend and this girl has managed to pretty much ruin the last 2 of DD's b/day parties with her princessy behaviour. So I'm tempted to tell her not to bother coming if she's going to treat one of her best friends like this. Or at least have strong words with her. Or AIBU and should I just accept that girls will fall in & out with each other?

I wouldn't uninvite at this stage. But then, I wouldn't have invited her in the first place, based on cinema behaviour and bad manners.

Keep a close eye on her. At the first hint of her being so terribly rude, I'd be on the phone and getting her picked up. That'll take her away from her audience.

If the girl's grandparents are looking after your younger DD for the party, I find it very difficult to see how you could univite her. Considering your views about this girl, I think you're far too tied up with her.

I would hover at the party and as soon as she plays the bored card - just say 'bored? No problem and put your phone to your ear and loudly call someone to come and collect her. I'd also remove her from her audience 'come and sit with me whilst you wait to be taken home, if you are so bored' and take her to sit with the adults in the food area where nobody can see her.

She will probably shrink down and say 'no it's fine'.

But you need to help your daughter deal with her nonsense, by giving her a few phrases to use when she starts.

Hmm, this is a tricky one - it must be so hard for you seeing your DD upset over and over again by this girl, but at the same time you don't want your DD to start to rely on you to deal with all her friendship problems as she needs to learn to deal with them on her own.

I had a similar 'friend' from the ages of 11-14. She could be so much fun and when we spent one on one time together she could make me feel so special like I was the most important friend to her in the world. And then out of nowhere she would turn on me and say really nasty personal things about me (and even worse, about my family) and also tried to exclude me from things and get other people to laugh at me in group situations.

My parents were not the type to get involved so they left me to it. After nearly 3 years of being her friend I just felt like I couldn't take the nastiness anymore, so I confided in another friend. Turned out this girl had been doing exactly the same thing to this friend and she had also been upset by her for the past few years! We had a little cry together and then made a pact to stop being this nasty girl's friend and stick by each other. The nasty girl made a huge fuss when she realised we weren't going to stand for it any more, and even tried to accuse us of bullying her by now leaving her out! But thankfully enough people had heard her nasty comments so didn't want to be involved with her and after a couple of weeks it all died down, she found some new friends and me and the other girl became good friends with some other girls who had all been a bit scared of the nasty girl.

I think the best thing to do is to build up your DD's self esteem and make her realise that she should set boundaries and not be afraid to disconnect from anyone who crosses those boundaries. That way she will grow tough and be able to stand up for herself, which will be best for her in the long run.

I know it will be tough for you for a while though

"the girls' grandma is looking after my DD2 and the girls' little sister (who are also best friends!) while the party is on."

Hmm, that got me thinking - does your daughter feel OBLIGED to be friends with this girl because of the little sisters? Do they kind of get thrown together because of them, and it's less of a friendship and more of a convenience? I can't be the only person who was expected to be friends with the children of my mother's friends, and this sounds a bit like that.

There is no way I would invite someone who behaved badly at a previous party anyway. I took my ds and some kids bowling and one moaned the whole way through he was bored. I never invited him again.

I don't think you can uninvited her. Your dd could I suppose but not you.

ANd I def. wouldn't invite her ever again, regardless of whether your dd is in a high or low with her at the time.

This sort of bitchy to-ing and fro-ing is a nightmare. You have my sympathies.

No don't uninvite her, but yes as somebody has said, if she starts to complain reach for the phone and call her mum/gran to come and pick her up, and no invites next year. Tell your dd that she does not have to be her friend, and to gradually distance herself. Arm dd with the right tools she needs to stand up to her, but yes if it is becoming too much for dd to handle intervene.

Why have you invited her so many times if she does not behave well , it would be the last time the first time she misbehaved.

You can't control who she's friends with at school but out of school it wouldn't be happening.

She's already shit on your Ds party twice. How many more times are you going to allow her to do it?