To be mildly concerned at school putting girl's knickers on DS1 after a toilet accident?

[RachelWatts]

DS1 is 5.4 and just started Y1.

Despite being dry in the day for quite a while, he has recently started wetting himself - I suspect a UTI so will be booking him a GP appointment tomorrow.

After apparently having an accident at school, someone gave him a pair of girl's knickers. They are pale pink with a picture of a cute dalmation on.

Normally I wouldn't mind - they're only pants - but he had an after school sports club which meant he had to get changed in front of his classmates, some of whom would not hesitate to point it out and ridicule him.

Even worse - his own wet pants are nowhere to be found. DS1 thinks the TA might have put them in another child's bag by mistake. Mortified!

[sashh]

I think there's a difference between a girl in boys pants and a boy in girls.

Why?

Difference in adult pants maybe but for a 5 year old?

[Primafacie]

I would not have been bothered if a school had put my daughter in boys pants, but if I had a boy I would have been bothered if he'd been put in girls pants ONLY if he was of an age where it mattered to him.

Gender identity is important, whatever you fluffy tea cosy wearing dreadlocked puffbags think.

So gender identity is important, but only for boys?

[BomChickaMeowMeow]

Quite right OP, he might have caught the Gay from being exposed to pink for several hours.

[BomChickaMeowMeow]

It dismays me that parents of boys bring their sons up with such a negative view of "girl's" things that doing anything remotely girly is absolutely the worst thing ever.

Have a fucking word with yourselves, will you.

[insancerre]

Did you not ring 101 op?

[mooth]

Gender identity. In relation to this incident? what rubbish!

[Delphiniumsblue]

Just send in spare pants and problem solved.

[Hakluyt]

This is one of those threads which makes me wonder whether many mumsnetters have actually met a child! Or at least not a child over about 6 months old.

It is ridiculous to suggest that many 5 year olds no have not been socialized by the society we live in to find a boy wearing "girls" things (and vice versa) teasable. It's wrong, but it's a fact. Yes, we should be doing everything we can to combat it. But the fact remains that a 5 year old boy wearing pink girl's knickers is likely to be teased by his peers while changing for football. Obviously not by mumsnetters 5 year olds, who are all either blissfully in a state of innocence where they do not notice gender differences at all or so sophisticated and educated in gender politics that they would not bat an eyelid if a mini Danny La Roue or Sally Bowles turned up in reception........

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

Light red pants with a picture of a cartoon dog?

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

Hakuylt

Yes, but if that teasing happens, it's the teasing that should be dealt with. As per the purple sun hat.

[Hakluyt]

Of course.

But the teasing has happened by then.

[AuditAngel]

We always used to keep spare pants and socks in their PE bag in case of accidents. In fact, at yr3 and yr6 I still keep spare socks in their PE bags after a huge storm meant DS's class all had no socks for the rest of the day!

[Delphiniumsblue]

You can deal with teasing- you can't actually deal with what children privately think. Teasing happens and I think you need to arm children to deal with it. As adults you don't have the resilience to cope with the big problems of life if you haven't built it up earlier. Adults always being there and always stepping in isn't the answer.

[HavanaSlife]

Me too Hakylt I wonder if some people have ever met a child.

[HavanaSlife]

And Bom its not just the boys

[Hakluyt]

"Adults always being there and always stepping in isn't the answer."

No. But when you're 5 you should have a reasonable expectation of an adult not to do something which is going to make you more likely to be teased.

[HavanaSlife]

Actually a couple of weeks ago some little girls aged about 4-5 wouldnt let ds3 play with them as he was a boy, this was the 3rd time it had happened in the school holidays, same thing about a year ago at a wedding.

Now im sure little boys do the same but ive never seen it. My older boys are 19 and 11 and I remember the same happening to them when they were younger.

[odyssey2001]

Are you aware that there isn't a spare pants fund in schools? Teachers have to buy them using their own money and rarely get them back from parents. Please be grateful.

[thereturnofshoesy]

this thread made me lol
so if you know the difference between boy and girl underwear you are sexist.....pmsl
I am sure you ds was ok op, but kids that age do bully about stuff like that.
I speak from experience as my ds had to put up with it.

[Delphiniumsblue]

There is teasing that isn't malicious- you can't get 5 yr olds to watch every word they say. You can't can't control it- and you certainly can't control what they privately think- so you arm your child to deal with it.
Children get teased- so do adults- I have just been with an adult who doesn't understand and it is very wearing to have to keep explaining 'it was a joke'.
On the name boards I tell people the likely teasing from a name but they won't have it- they stick their head in the sand!

[Delphiniumsblue]

Of course adults should stop it- but they are not always there.
Just surprised that schools are expected to have supplies of spare pants.

[Delphiniumsblue]

Whatever the ins and outs- OP now knows that the school struggle to find spare pants so always have a spare pair sent in with the DC.
If you could stamp out teasing and being unpleasant MN would be a nicer place! Why we expect 5 yr old to manage it when adult women can't beats me!!

[RachelWatts]

I said on the OP that pink pants doesn't bother me, unless it sets him up to be teased, and in my experience teasing is normal at this age, although not pleasant and to be dealt with if and when it happens.

I wondered if noticing he was in girl's pants was unreasonable, and apparently it is, so fair enough, but I think suggestions that I'm worried it'll turn him gay are ridiculous and uncalled for.

I didn't even mention that the pants were two sizes too big for him, but that would have been unreasonable as I can't expect school to carry a range of sizes to cover every bottom, when most 5 to 6 year olds can be expected to fit into age 5-6 pants. Not school's fault DS1 would comfortably fit in age 2-3 pants.

[RachelWatts]

I'm realising now why preschool were always so grateful when I washed and returned their emergency clothes. It never occurred to me that other parents didn't bother!