to feel like a failure with my son

[2boysandcounting1]

And to think the GP should be more supportive?

My son is just 4 and for 2 years i have been worried that there is something going on with him with regards to his development since turning 3 his behaviour. He was referred to a speech therapist when he was 2.5 as he used alot of jargon which was very unclear. He waited 9months for the appointment but due to the high demand we were discharged and told to go back once he is 4 if his speech is still unclear. He has improved slightly but not many people can understand him and you cannot hold a proper 2 way conversation with him and if i ask him what he has done at school he says the same things and nothing more.

He also has a poor diet, will not eat cooked dinners and picks at sandwiches and also will not open his bowels on the toilet as he gets very distressed. I have got a pot, a seat for the toilet and i have tried not giving him pads but as he is still wet overnight he just waits until then and does it in his pad.
His behaviour is also very challenging. He screams, get easily frustrated, cannot sit still for example he is always climbing or rolling around. I have had to come downstairs now as i have been up there since 6.00 doing his bath and trying to settle him down and once he gets into bed he is doing headstands up the wall and just generally not settling down. I try reading to him and he continues to do this. I am in tears of frustration and upset as i just do not know what to do.

I have been to the doctors who asked if i was thinking along the lines of ADHD which i was. I even wrote some things down to tell the doctor. He was all for referring him but phoned me that same night to say he had spoken with a senior doctor and they asked me to keep a log then go back with it. Trouble is i would be writing in it constantly. He also has a poor attention span.

Is this normal 4 year old behaviour or could something else be going on? I just want to help him and i feel i can never reach him if that makes sense. Feel like a complete failure. Im also 7 months pregnant which i don't know if that is why i feel so upset.

YABU

You must be absolutely bloody shattered to go on for four years like this with no support and so must your boy be.

Nothing to add to what others have said, except hopefully now he is starting school the doctors might pay some attention. The health system imo neglects children whose parents don't push for support. My dd was diagnosed at 12 months but the undiagnosed time was the hardest in my life. You have had four years of it.

Autistic children can definitely be outgoing! I have one of them, he has asd and ADHD. He's very social (but thinks everyone is his friend as opposed to distinguishing between levels of friendship), almost never gets embarrassed or shy. He was a nightmare between the ages of 3-7, meltdowns, tantrums, no attention span, very active, but has settled into himself since then. Looking back there were niggling things from very early on that were signs of asd/ADHD but it took a while for a diagnosis.

Re. Parenting courses. I've been that soldier too. The thing is most typical parenting course techniques just do not work for children that have asd/ADHD. Visual timetables, routines, and dealing with sensory issues (which might require OT help) etc I found helped much more.

YABU! You could be describing my DS at the same age. He has PDA, on the autistic spectrum. Ask your HV for support, or an educational psychologist, there's lots of support available. Hugs.

2boys it might be worth seeing if the National Autistic Society have any parenting courses going on in your area.
Definitely speak to Health Visitor or School Nurse.
With regard to SALT this is a common problem. I was SENCo at a school until I retired 6 years ago, and we often had children we were desperately worried about and we would be told they were not bad enough because they had to prioritise. The School Nurse was sometimes more successful, because she was referring from a health rather than an education point of view. I think it is yet another funding issue and has probably got worse over those six years.

Its helpful to read other people's experiences to know i am not imagining how he is.As a baby he was very happy and sociable. I only really started seeing signs when he was around 2.

He has no boundaries with regards to talking to people even his friend who is also 4 asked him why he says hello to everybody.

I am definately going to make a nuisance of myself as it does feel you get lost in the system.