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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to consider buying baby monitor for 3yo?

33 replies

vvviola · 15/09/2014 04:41

Our baby monitor suddenly stopped working last night. Just out of nowhere.

DD2 is 3, and doesn't sleep through. I can't hear her when I'm downstairs and the tv is on/living room door closed. I can (it seems after last night) hear her from bed, even if it does take me a little while to register when it isn't coming from the monitor by my ear.

I mentioned to a colleague that I would need to buy a new monitor and how expensive they are, especially as we don't want all the fancy extra camera/movement sensors etc. She looked at me as if I was completely insane to still use a monitor at this age. Am I?

(We used a monitor for DD1 until she was almost 4, but only when we were downstairs as the house we lived in then had the bedrooms very far from the living area, and slippery stairs. We stopped using it at night when she was around 3)

OP posts:

Darkandstormynight · 15/09/2014 05:00

YANBU! I used a monitor way (way) beyond three years! We've had homes that were too large to hear dc..., in fact, dc was pretty sick not too long ago (he's 12!!!) and I asked hi if it was ok if I put it in there so I'd hear him if he called for me. He wanted it in!! He felt better knowing I would hear him if he needed medication.

Surfsup1 · 15/09/2014 05:35

Why would you need to hear a 3yo when she wakes in the night? Surely if you can hear her from your bed you just put your pillow over your head until you go back to sleep? I don't understand what the monitor is actually for.
Does she have SN? Is there a medical reason you're worried?

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle · 15/09/2014 05:41

Buy a cheap 2nd hand one from eBay. We still use a monitor for our nearly 3 year old because I can't hear her when we're downstairs in the evening. We turn it off at night as I can hear her from our bedroom.

Surfs... I need to be able to hear her incase she wets the bed, needs a poo or has a nightmare. She's too young to deal with these things alone.

Icelollycraving · 15/09/2014 05:41

Do what you want with your own child. I thought everyone used them for about a year or two tops.

Original poster

vvviola · 15/09/2014 05:43

If I did that, surfsup I'd be spending my mornings cleaning up vomit. She's a bad sleeper, always has been. If I go to her (not immediately to give her a chance to settle herself, which she often does) then she'll go back to sleep pretty quickly. If I leave her, she'll scream until she's hysterical and she vomits everywhere. Yes, she probably should be settling herself, and she is improving, but frankly I'd rather get up once a night, twice on a bad night, than have to deal with vomit

have you been colluding with my mother

OP posts:

Coughle · 15/09/2014 05:49

Who cares what your colleague thinks? She won't be coming over to your house to comfort a 3 year old who's been crying in their own poo and vomit for hours before anyone heard her. My 3 year old usually gets out of bed and comes to find us but there are times he's been too disoriented to do so, and if we didn't live in a shoebox I'd definitely get a monitor

Surfsup1 · 15/09/2014 05:55

Well that does make sense! I realised after posting that I had sounded a bit judgey, which I hadn't intended - just wanted to clarify the situation!

If it were me I wouldn't be able to settle, long-term, for getting up during the night, so before I invested money in a new monitor I would invest some serious time and effort into some sleep-training (I find bribes work well!)
During the day if she wakes up can't she just get up?

So, YAB a little bit U - they are called baby monitors for a reason, but given the puking situation I can see why you've stuck with the easier option.
It might be time to sort it out though your mother will be so proud

Surfsup1 · 15/09/2014 06:03

Wowsers - I really cannot type for sounding judges today. Time for another cup of tea.

The point i'm really trying to make is that we all overestimate the difficulty of dealing with the actual cause of a problem because we're exhausted, but when you actually put in the hard yards to fix it, you always look back on the situation and ask yourself why on earth you didn't do it sooner.
No judgement - we ALL do it, whether it's sleeping, bottles, dummies etc etc etc

KatyN · 15/09/2014 07:54

I think it's fine to gets monitor but I ould also consider getting walkie talkies. Then you can talk to each other and they can be fun when you want to stop using the monitor?

Original poster

vvviola · 15/09/2014 07:57

I'm not seeing judgemental surfsup - I may be a teensy bit sensitive about her sleep - it's been a long road to get to this stage (a year ago it took up to 2 hours to get her to sleep and she woke up to 5 times a night).

So while you're right that a bit of effort needs to be put into getting her to sleep through the night, it's a bit of effort at the end of a lot of effort up to now.

Mind you, little minx told me last night that she'd like to sleep through the night. As if I was the one waking her up!

OP posts:

JoandMax · 15/09/2014 07:59

We use a monitor for 4.5 and 6 year old. Our house has thick concrete walls and we use AC so doors are shut, you can't hear a thing!!!

Only in the last couple of weeks has the 4.5 year old started sleeping through, usually he would call out and we'd go and get him and he'd sleep the rest of the night in with us. This was the easiest option for us, we were't prepared to do any form of sleep training which caused him upset and knew he would stop when he was ready.

Fairylea · 15/09/2014 07:59

I love baby monitors. I used ours until dd was about 4 and could easily come and find us or shout loud enough to wake us up - she is 11 now and I have ds aged 2 and plan to use the monitor until he is about 4 as well. I guess it depends on your house etc but if I'm downstairs watching tv or cooking there is no way I can hear him if he's woken up! We just got the cheapest plug in ones as they got older and they've been really good.

FrootLoopy · 15/09/2014 08:04

They're called baby monitors because the BIGGEST consumer group are parents of young babies. NOT because that is their sole purpose!!!!

Just like Sudocreme (amongst other things) is available in the BABY section of the supermarket/pharmacy, even though it's brilliant for grown ups too.

You use them for as long as you WANT to. (Although if you still wanted to use them when they were in their teens regularly I might start to judge!!! ).

I'm kicking myself for getting rid of ours, would love to still have a monitor for those warm summer evenings when the DC are in bed and DH and I want to continue sitting outside for awhile - they're so bloody rare that I resent having to get up and check on the DC as often as I need to.

Original poster

vvviola · 15/09/2014 08:05

Coughle it's not that I care majorly what she thinks, it was just that she looked at me like I'd totally lost my mind and I was beginning to wonder if I had!

I have no local friends at the same parenting stage as me, really, so it's not something that comes up in conversation, so I came on here to check in with you lot

OP posts:

icymaiden · 15/09/2014 09:07

YABU .She is not a baby or even a toddler.
You do realise that she is manipulating you with this 'if you don't come i'll vomit' business?

Surfsup1 · 15/09/2014 09:11

Froot how often would you need to go and check on sleeping children when you're sitting in the garden? I can't imagine going in any more often than I/DH would need to pee! Every couple of hours or so?

Lozzie12 · 15/09/2014 09:12

I think you have to do what's right for your circumstances. I bought a monitor again when the children were 5 and 9! We moved into a very strange house that was 2 bungalows joined together by a corridor, so I couldn't hear them in lounge. One bungalow was bedroom area, the other was living areas. We put it outside their room and both boys were happy knowing if they were ill, scared, wanted something... They just needed to call. We used it for 3 years until we left the house and both were happy. It also gave me peace of mind in case anyone had attempted to break in, I know it sounds paranoid but we moved to this house just after Madeline Macann was taken.

GiveMeCheesecake · 15/09/2014 09:13

We stopped using a monitor when DS was between 18 months-2yrs. We could hear him in the night without it. DS is now 3 and walks in to our room if he wakes in the night and first thing in the morning.

SolomanDaisy · 15/09/2014 09:16

Umm, judgy people, other people parent differently to you! Their children are different to your children. They are different to you.

Shelby2010 · 15/09/2014 09:20

YANBU we use one for DD1 (nearly 4) and she is generally a good sleeper, but if she does wake up I want to know before she stumbles down the stairs half asleep. And on the positive side because she knows we'll come to her she never gets out of bed when she shouldn't.

Mrsantithetic · 15/09/2014 09:26

Wouldn't occur for me not to use one to be honest! I have a video one so I can watch her which can take the need away for running up to check she's ok when a quick peek tells me she's asleep and shouting out during her sleep. (Very handy especially when baby is cluster feeding)

I intend on using one until the baby gate comes off the room door which could be another 2 years yet.

Do what you want to do, you can always resell when finished.

nomdemere · 15/09/2014 09:30

My 7 and 5yo still have a baby monitor in their (shared) room. We have a very vertical house, and can't hear them in the evening when we're in the living room. This way we know when they've stopped talking and settled to sleep, or if theres any bumping around etc. IMO it would be neglectful to be completely out of earshot for hours at a time, which is what the shape of our house would mean otherwise.

Only1scoop · 15/09/2014 09:33

We used dd monitor until she was about 3.5.... It was the same ....just stopped working. I very nearly bought another but didn't. So I can see where you are coming from.

RumbleMum · 15/09/2014 09:36

YANBU. I still use one sometimes (especially when we're away) for my DS who is 4.4, because he gets too disoriented to come and get us if he has a nightmare, and I can't hear him when I'm downstairs. Plus he's only fairly recently grown tall enough to reach the (very high) door handles so it was an absolute essential before that!

RoseTheHat · 15/09/2014 09:40

I always feel like a lax parent on these threads as I never had monitors or baby gates!! My dc must be very loud as I never felt worried that I wouldn't hear them

But we're all different, and YANBU to use one as long as it is needed.

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