Would you be annoyed if a relative invited themselves on your holiday?

[NumTumDeDum]

Dh and I have not had a family holiday with our children ever. We booked a four night stay for the Easter break as that is what we could afford for next year.

Mil has asked to come. Dh asked me first, I felt put on the spot and found saying a clear no difficult, not wanting to hurt his feelings. This has somehow translated in his head as maybe (probably not unreasonably). He is aware however that my relationship with mil isn't brilliant.

Mil then asked me over dinner and again I felt put on the spot. It was wrapped up in a lengthy speech about how she is fed up of not going on holiday (fil doesn't like to travel) and she wants to see the children paddle in the sea. I said well, we haven't ever had a family holiday before - meaning me and Dh and the children, so I wasn't keen. I now feel like really it didn't matter what I said I wasn't going to get a great outcome. 1. I agree knowing I won't particularly enjoy it or 2. Say no and have dh and mil unhappy with me. It all just feels tainted now, which makes me feel childish, so some outside perspective would be appreciated.

[MiuChoos]

We're in the same predicament. We're thinking of next year doing one long weekend with MIL, and another holiday just us.
Fully expecting that not to be good enough though, and won't like us going away without her.

[ImperialBlether]

How old is your MIL? Is this where we find out she's in her 50s, yet won't be around for long?

[Bouttimeforwine]

josh Did you make her cancel?

[Thumbwitch]

When we were little, we used to go to a static caravan on the south coast for a week. My mum's parents would drive down for one day to visit us and an elderly uncle of my mum's (her dad's brother). That was fine (and my Dad loved my Nan anyway) - but I don't think anyone (except possibly us children) would have been happy to have had Mum and her parents together for any length of time!
Visiting Dad's parents was a lot tougher as we had to stay with them for the week - and gran didn't like Mum. :(

[Oneandonlyone]

Hells no. For all the reasons stated. And because if you don't put your foot down now you'll have her on every holiday you even think about taking until she dies.

FIL issues are her problem, not yours. And DH needs a spine, and to support his wife.

I get one pretty well with my in laws, but our holiday styles are entirely different. There would be bets on just who was going to kill who by the end. You already have plenty of issues, and a holiday is supposed to be fun and relaxing for ALL of you. So make it so. And leave the MIL at home.

[Ketchuphidestheburntbits]

Your DH has to tell his mother that he wants a holiday with just you and the children. It sounds simple written down but it really is just one short, clear statement to tell her together. Anything else that MIL says is just noise that can be ignored.

[Fluffyears]

Oh no. My mil started to make noises about 'oh holidays are no use on your own' just after she was widowed. Then she started moaning to dp who wants to make her happy about it so he said we'd take her on holiday. I told him to go alone with her. Luckily she booked one to go herself after we had said we couldn't afford a holiday. I then got a windfall for a small about (£00 rather than £000) so we booked a holiday as she was sorted. Cue cats bum face directed at me! Ignore pp saying you can go later with her, offer this and she'll be after you all the time desperate to book up.

My mil used the line 'I want a family holiday as I'll not be around forever!' She is NOT my family and she never showed an interest in going with dp previously on holiday. It would have been awful as she would be trying to command his attention continually and getting annoyed if he showed me affection.

[Sicaq]

Don't give in to the won't-be-around-much-longer stuff. I have relatives who 've been "not long for this world" for over 20 years.