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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who Gets the Big Bedroom?

58 replies

Awks · 14/09/2014 21:21

I've 2 lovely dd's (22 and 14). Dd1 has been at uni for 3 years and is now elsewhere starting a years postgrad. She's a bit of a home bird and didn't really settle in at uni so came home a fair bit back to her big bedroom This rankled with dd2 as she was still stuck in the boxroom while her big sis flitted between uni and home. They had occasional words about whether this was fair or not, and my view was that dd1 had to come to the decision herself to swap rooms.

Anyhow she's now gone off to start her postgrad and is living in a family owned palace free of charge, living the life of riley and expecting dd2 to still stay in the boxroom.

AIBU to just tell her she has to swap? There will obviously always be a room for her here, it will just be smaller?

OP posts:
thereturnofshoesy · 14/09/2014 21:22

just make her swap

5madthings · 14/09/2014 21:23

Make her swop!

Littlefish · 14/09/2014 21:23

Of course dd2 should have the bigger bedroom. How ridiculous and unfair of dd1.

Tell dd1 what is happening, and help dd2 to move!

OraProNobis · 14/09/2014 21:23

It's your house yes? Absolutely tell her it's game over with the big bedroom - otherwise how on earth is that fair to DD2?

OneSkinnyChip · 14/09/2014 21:23

Time for her to swap.

GiveTwoSheets · 14/09/2014 21:23

Swap

Aherdofmims · 14/09/2014 21:24

Make her swap. It's not fair on dd2 otherwise. She is 22 and should listen to reason though!

OneSkinnyChip · 14/09/2014 21:24

But be sensitive about it if she's a homebird.

PiperIsOrange · 14/09/2014 21:24

I would just change the bedrooms.

At 14 she will need the space to do her GCSE coursework and revision for exams.

MissMillament · 14/09/2014 21:24

No question - it is DD2's turn now. Just swap the rooms.

Floggingmolly · 14/09/2014 21:25

Of course make her swap. Surprised you have to ask, tbh.

Wait4nothing · 14/09/2014 21:25

She sounds quite mean to not have given it up already. I helped my younger brother decorate the larger bedroom the weekend before I went to uni. He had put up with the box room for 16 years - it only seemed fair. Tell her she needs to swap

seasavage · 14/09/2014 21:25

It's YOUR house.

I could add my parents turned my room into a study/ library before I'd been at uni a week.

Doilooklikeatourist · 14/09/2014 21:25

Should have swapped before now
Swap

BOFster · 14/09/2014 21:25

Definitely swap.

NameChangerNewDanger · 14/09/2014 21:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLuck10 · 14/09/2014 21:26

Swap it and then tell her. Don't let her have a say in what happens. Off course she should have offered her sister the room.

mausmaus · 14/09/2014 21:27

swap.
just do it.
it's not dd1's main residence anymore. but dd2 is living there full time.

MaidOfStars · 14/09/2014 21:28

my view was that dd1 had to come to the decision herself to swap rooms

Why?

Older girl had the benefit of a big room just for being older. Younger girl gets benefit of big room when older girl moves out. Anything else is favouritism.

Why should your older girl call the shots?

I lost my bedroom the day I went to university. I have room at my parents' house whenever I want it. I just don't have my room. And I was home nearly every weekend.

Original poster
Awks · 14/09/2014 21:32

I have swapped dd2 into it today. I sort of feel a bit disappointed in dd1 really - I truly thought she would have decided herself as it is obvious to me it's the right thing. But she didn't so I've decided for her now.

I think the reason I was shying away from pushing it was that I think dd1 won't come back from the city she is now in. It's a lovely place, she has a free house for a year, she plans to look for a job there etc. And we will miss her, she's a darling apart from the room issues

Letting go is bloody horrible, you know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Awks · 14/09/2014 21:34

my view was that dd1 had to come to the decision herself to swap rooms

Why?

^
cos she's a grown-up and that's the grown-up thing to do. I don't force her to do anything these days as she's an adult. But with this, she didn't behave like an adult, sadly.

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 14/09/2014 21:37

Swap. Your 14 will get at least 4 years of full time use.

Perhaps let older dd redecorate the box room so she feels more connected to it.

DealForTheKids · 14/09/2014 21:38

You've done the right thing now.

When I left for uni, there was no question that younger DSis would move into the bigger room. And I'm glad I did - I'm now back at my parents with DP for a few months temporarily and she's very kindly returned the favour so the two of us can have some more space! She'll obviously get it back when we move out in a few weeks.

I'd be a bit disappointed at your DD1, tbh!

morethanpotatoprints · 14/09/2014 21:39

Yes, definitely swop.
My ds1 aged 23 has unofficially been left since about 18 and everytime he comes back I have some more bags packed for him. He stays in the box room but it isn't his room anymore he left and is bloody 23. Grin
He knows he can come and stay when he likes, but if you don't get their stuff out of your house it will still be there until they are 30, like a shrine Grin

Littlefish · 14/09/2014 21:41

You've done the right thing.