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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really not be arsed with housework anymore = lazy according to DH.

42 replies

WideAwakeNow · 14/09/2014 17:53

I have always been completely anal about keeping the house and DCs clean in my 18 years as a parent in that a bottle of bleach used to be my best friend (not used on DCs of course). Now 4 DC later I have reached burnout as I know it a complete waste of time and it is not appreciated by anyone.

House is reasonable in that floors are hoovered every few days, swept in between where visible mess is, and are mopped once a week (downstairs is wooden flooring), loos are unstained and kitchen cleaned and washing up finished before I go to bed. DC also wear completely clean clothes every day with clean sheets are on the beds weekly. I admit to having dumped baskets of clean washing in the wardrobes in the bedrooms and they are ironed as they are worn. I do sometimes not put on a wash on a few days but there are enough clean clothes to go round usually.

Youngest DC started school this week and I want to chill for a bit before I hit the rat race working again, last worked 4 years ago.

Today DH was unhappy as he was down to last pair of clean boxers and his white socks were grey underneath which he blamed on me not mopping enough. He very rarely does anything except load the dishwasher.

WIBU to tell him to fuck off and wash his own pants and remind him where the mop is?

OP posts:

goshhhhhh · 15/09/2014 06:41

He would hate living in my house. We both work & it gets done if we have time. (Although my DH seems apparently unable to think for himself ).

PumpkinBones · 15/09/2014 06:45

Sorry but....I will admit to being a bit on the fence on this...!

When DH was briefly SAHP between jobs, I really resented coming home from work and then having to scurry around putting in washing, putting clothes away etc, especially when DC's at school all day. I still did a share of the housework, but it didn't seem unreasonable for him to do more, given that he wasn't going out to work at the time. We live in a small flat and have always agreed that we need to be on top of housework otherwise it gets overwhelming really quickly. So I don't think YABU but also if things have changed it is only fair to talk about it to your DH.

shaska · 15/09/2014 07:05

Pretty sure white socks will go a bit grey on the floor even if it's sparkling clean. They're socks. Who gives a shiny shit.

'Down to his last pair of boxers' so he had clean pants to wear and he complained? What, does he like to view his pants collection of a morning?

YANBU and your husband sounds like a bit of a dick.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 15/09/2014 07:11

Yanbu
Even after my floors are mopped, the next days socks go black.
Slippers for him for christmas if you haven't killed him before then.
Good luck with your return to work.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 15/09/2014 07:13

But he doesn't do a fair share if the housework pumpkin
and he isn't having to run around, putting stuff away.
He had clean clothes, his dcs are looked after by his dw and the floors in s house are swept frequently and washed weekly.
Nothing to complain about whatsoever.

YouTheCat · 15/09/2014 07:17

Does he have spot checks on the cleanliness of his socks at work or something?

Get him some of these .

Humansatnav · 15/09/2014 07:24

What a moaneyarse.
If my dh gets down to his last pair of grundies he throws a wash on.
Simples.

redskybynight · 15/09/2014 08:46

Hang on - OP has no children at home (all are at school) and DH works. I'd be pretty pissed off if my OH was at home all day and I was still expected to run round and do washing and housework when I got home.

CinnabarRed · 15/09/2014 08:51

But presumably the youngest only started at school a couple of weeks ago, so everyone is finding their feet in a new phase of life.

It comes down to the 'equal amounts of free time' thing. If he has more down time than you then he's being an arse. If you have more free time than him then he might have a point (depending on whether he accepts your standards of doing things in return for not being responsible for them).

Either way, a discussion clarifying who is responsible for which chores, and to what standard, might be in order.

icymaiden · 15/09/2014 09:15

If you are at home during the day with no chilkdren, I think you should be doing the housework-including his washing!

lylasmam2012 · 15/09/2014 09:19

her youngest DC started school just this week. She's entitled to take it easy for a few days. I couldn't be a SAHP, there are no days off! You can't call in sick. I think she's more than entitled to relax for a few days and then get back into things!

iklboo · 15/09/2014 09:23

Where did OP say she does nothing now all the kids are at school? She said the youngest started school this week and she was finding her feet before going back out to work. The washing is still done, the floors are still swept, mopped & hoovered, the kitchen still cleaned and everything put away. Her DH deigns to load the dishwasher occasionally.

She also said her 18 years of being a complete skivvy were totally unappreciated. It's only in the last week or so that her DH has noticed that his exacting five star standards have slipped. Before that the washing/cooking/cleaning/ironing/tidying/putting away fairy miraculously did it all for him. He's going to be in for a shock when OP does go back to work & he finds out the fairy's gone with her.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 15/09/2014 13:21

Even if finances allowed, this is one reason i couldn't be a SAHM.
For so many people that seems to mean that you're expected to be a personal servant to the "working" parent.
Four children to look after and pretty decent standards of housekeeping. The youngest child has only just gone to school. The Op is about to return to paid employment after 4 years as a sahp.
OP yanbu.
Should her Dp not have to lift a finger just because he is in paid work? Ffs!

PatSharpesfabulousmullet · 15/09/2014 13:35

Definite yanbu from me, but also my kids white school socks are constantly turning a very unappealing shade of pale grey and pink on the soles due to dye wearing off their new school shoes as they run around with hot little feet. Might this be the cause? Definitely not my extremely clean carpet causing it, you could eat your dinner off it. Disclaimer- do not put food on my lovely clean carpet, I will not be held responsible for my actions!

caeleth84 · 15/09/2014 13:52

YANBU. Your standards are waaaay higher than mine and we have a bloody cleaner to do it for us!

Once a week unless we spill something for hoovering / cleaning (obv not things like kitchen floor and counters). I generally only put laundry on in the weekends, so everyone better have enough clothes to last a week. If DH doesn't bother going out and buying clothes for himself that's his own problem. Though we do both work fulltime, so maybe, just maybe the standards would be a little higher if I were a SAHM, but I hate cleaning so I doubt it :)

Either way, sounds like you're very much on top of the housework / cleaning, so if that's not up to his standards he can very well do it himself.

Crinkle77 · 15/09/2014 18:50

Too right, tell him to fuck right off.

ithoughtofitfirst · 15/09/2014 19:04

Tell him to stick his high standards up his ass if he doesn't do anything to maintain them himself.

The current level of housework you have described is more than adequate.

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