to ask (if i may) how you cope with overly competitive people?

[ithoughtofitfirst]

I've never really had this problem before... or possibly just been oblivious to it when it has happened. Basically a family member doing constant one-upmanship with me. Maybe i'm imagining it? But i don't think i am... it's driving me nuts. Not because i want to be better just because it's really getting on my tits. I feel like i can't do anything without hearing a week later that they've done the same thing but better/bigger/more expensive/faster (daft punk anyone?) ... you get the idea.

Does anyone else have this? What do you do to not give a shit?!

Oh, she sounds a treat.

I've got a few of these in my family - I just completely disengage. Wouldn't respond to the whatsapp message.

Practise the bored and looking at something else over their shoulder face while they're gloating - you are physically showing them that you aren't engaging with it.

She's obviously deeply insecure if she feels the need to try to do one better all the time. Feel sorry for her everytime she does it.

Thinking she's a sad case will cheer you up

"Yes, it's bigger than mine. That's your point, no?"

I'm assuming your whatsapping in a group. If it's just the two of you, ignore the lunatic!

I do like 'I am sure you tried your best'

you're not your. Gah! I've done that three times today!

My spelling's caught a virus off the internet

Oh god I just avoid these people like the plague now. Unfortunately I am related to the worst offender in my life (DBil) and have just taken to my favourite catchphrase of "it's ever so vulgar to talk about money". In my experience people who behave like this are just insecure in some way. I've actually grown to find it quite sweet; in fact I think it infuriates these types if you refuse to play the game.

Youareamouse, I have an ex friend like that. Every bloody thing I did provided that kind of martyr reponse with a sniff. When grumbling about our drawn out house sale "well I'm glad that we can't afford to move" sniff. My Mum calls it reverse snobbery.

Right, this individual is clearly a cunt. Is it an option to eliminate them from your life?

If not, I would either be supremely disinterested, or (in the example of the cake one where she tried to...what...cake shame you?) say something like "ha ha, you need to re-read your post because when you say it like that it's like you're trying to prove you're a better person by baking a bigger cake than me! That would be hilarious, I mean, imagine being such a loser!"

My Dad's sister is a forced competition grandmaster. We ignore her. As Dad says:

'Aye, her, if she hasn't eaten it she's shagged it.'

hermione

i have cut them out a fair bit. Not completely. That is kind if my safety net plan if i can't give myself a talking to/learn how to not give a shit.

If she hasn't eaten it she's shagged it ... absolutely pmsl

Awww Op you sound lovely.
I made a boring cake the other day -blueberry jam and butter cream.It was wonky but my DS said it was the nicest cake he had ever eaten
He scoffed most of it!

Think about why she needs to compete .
A. She is very insecure and has low self esteem.
B.she secretly thinks you are better than her.
C. She is unpleasant.

Ignore the picture or reply
Mm lovely ,best not have too much

I know a couple like that (relative), think the best one was when they heard I was saving for a new (second hand but new to me) car, asked the usual questions, what car, colour, when was I getting one. Two weeks later she purchased the latest model in the colour I wanted. They have also decorated their house using my planned colour scheme, furniture, etc. Most of the time I don't care but have had fun in the past, making things up.

I used to be an overly competitive person. My Dad instilled it into me, though probably not deliberately. In my late teens I saw that he had massive mental health problems and my non-competitive Mum didn't, but this was not enough to cure me of my over-competitive ways. What it took was doing something that could be perceived as a massive failure and realising that my family (parents and extended family of origin, I didn't have kids yet) still loved me.
Anyway, yes, it usually comes from some insecurity. But that isn't your problem. It probably makes little difference how you react (unless you are really close) so feel free to underreact. That will probably have the most impact.

Start feeding them with more ridiculous feats - see if you could get them to do a sky dive.

This:
I ignore, or say "Oh well done" and gradually stop telling them anything at all to do with my life.
I also nod and smile. People who are like that tend not to ask you any interested questions about what you do, so telling them nothing is easy. It also lets you play a very long game as you slowly but steadily do something amazing.

Can you tell that I have done this?

You're all proper cheering me up! Awesome replies so far. Thanks x

I agree-be very selective about what you tell them and feed them a bit of nonsense .
Its her problem not yours !

Brilliant I might tell them i have signed up for a triathlon for 2 weeks after my due date. Or an ironman. See what they come up with to trump me.

Tell them you're going to run the marathon dressed as a Pom bear in aid of Pom bear rescue .

Tell them you're going to Tenerife and see if they claim to have booked a trip to Elevenerife

You could have a lot of fun with this Op.
Now about that naturist triathlon you have entered...

Not only would I not give a shit, I'd probably not even notice if they were out-doing me.

I live my life. I make my choices. If I make a sponge cake, it will be the best bloody sponge cake I can make within my limitations of resources, including time. If they did a bigger one, I'd assume that was their priority for their resources, and they are different to mine.

However, I'd probably not even notice. If they said it was a bit different I'd take it at face value and say 'er, yes it is different', because it is.

We didn't go abroad this year. We had nearly 5 weeks camping in the UK. It was fab. Those who comment that I didn't get a break like they did in their 2 week All Inclusive resort know nothing about what is important to us. And I know little about what is important to them, except perhaps they don't like to cook on holiday. Good for them.