To dislike doing things at short notice

[DrCarolineTodd]

We have a lovely circle of friends who often do things at short notice: taking the kids swimming or for a picnic, going to the pub.

This always throws me because I like to plan ahead and am not good at having last-minute plans sprung on me. Is this just one of those things (like unannounced house calls) that polarise people?

I'm sure some people will say it's just precious but I've never got the hang of doing things at the spur of the moment. AIBU?

YANBU to be the way you are but if you want to change it then you could make small steps.

Our swimbags are repacked straight after washing so i just grab and go (and pray ive shaved my legs!). Same with the changebag - repacked each evening for the next day.

I'm a short notice person. The idea of having my calendar booked up six months in advance seriously depresses me (big events aside).

So say I phoned you now and said 'Fancy a pub lunch?' (and assuming you were available), what exactly goes through your mind, where's the anxiety coming from?

Yanbu, I hate it. Even if it's a crappy plan to laze around watching shit films all day, I very rarely have nothing to do.

I would much rather have had an invite the day before and know what I'm doing when I get up for the day. Maybe it's odd but it does bother me when an off the cuff 'meet you in 20 minutes' invite crops up.

Maybe I'm really unsociable though

It's your preferred way of doing things. You could take the initiative and plan more ahead/ take the lead with these friends (but be prepared that impromptu plans may come up for them).
I prefer a mix really, definitely I wish my ex was more structured with childcare. I do wish people would drop in more but as my friends are more distant it's pie in the sky thinking.
As long as they take 'no' well and occaisionally you think 'why the hell not' then go with it.

I just never feel ready to go. And often feel a bit upset because if I'd known a day earlier I might have rearranged something else so I could go.

My parents were not short-notice people and my mum would have flapped a lot which probably explains it.

Cornettoninja just summed it up perfectly.

I have tried taking the lead but it never quite works out.

Ok, so let's say an invitation the day before is preferable. Would an invitation the night before for an early brunch still be better than a morning invitation for a late dinner?

Is it a desire to have your day mapped when you get up in the morning?

YANBU. I prefer to know what I am doing as far in advance as possible, but I do try and be flexible when I can so I don't lose ALL my friends. I've got one pal who always makes plans at the last minute, it's just the way she is. I regularly get texts like, 'Fancy going for lunch?' sent at say, one o'clock. Er no, seeing as it's already lunchtime and I've got my sandwich in front of me!

You need to embrace spontaneity being in control of things all the time must be exhausting for you what do you get in a flap about ?

nothing wrong with being a little spontaneous is there? but if you don't like it then you don't like it.

If I have too much notice of social events I start to panic and it becomes an ogre in my mind so that eventually I'll be thinking "this time tomorrow and I'll be home again and it's done with"

I really do get jittery and try to find reasons not to go.

I do prefer a phone call last minute inviting me somewhere as I don't have a chance to get worried about it.

I have no idea why I get like this!

Humans are strange with all our little quirks I am like squirrel I tend to get in a tizz about advanced stuff

I too don't like advanced stuff. I worry about it, go off the idea of doing it and wish I didn't have to go. I'd much prefer to wake up in the morning and get a text inviting me somewhere that I can accept or decline according to my mood.

I regularly get texts like, 'Fancy going for lunch?' sent at say, one o'clock. Er no, seeing as it's already lunchtime and I've got my sandwich in front of me!

This is a majority of lunchtimes for me. Except I would abandon the sandwich and bugger off for food with my friend.

Coffee? Pub? Lunch? All usually planned within five minutes of actually doing it. I've even been known to purchase tickets for just-starting gigs, on a whim, after walking past a ticket tout office. Rock and roll.

YANBU. DP being the only shift worker in his family (his DB, SIL, DM and DF all have 'normal' hours jobs), and me working part-time shifts around his shifts, means that we get left out of a lot of get-togethers as they tend to arrange stuff for the weekends then spring it on us last minute. Its just not possible to cover weekend shifts with less than one or two days notice. Its been like it since forever, and we do get the huffing and puffing when we can't be there. Meh.
I tend to arrange stuff ages in advance simply because I don't want to be letting people down last minute. I'm not adverse to last minute arrangements if I am asked though.

DH has a really hard time with spontaneity and last minute plans whereas I don't at all. Causes us some problems sometimes. I think it comes from him growing up in an army family where everything was always planned months in advance with military precision.

YANBU to feel that way, some people do. Just pre-arrange some things and don't go to ones that are too spontaneous for you.