Regarding DS/XH and major school trip...

[CallMeExhausted]

So this all makes sense, let me preface that we live in Canada.

DS is 16, his in his second to last year of high school (Grade 11). He came home and asked me yesterday offhandedly "Mum, can I please have $3000?" figuring I would laugh him out of the room

Curious, I asked him what he wanted it for. It seems that the major school trip next year (March 2016) is to Italy. I invited him to sit down and we started to talk about cost, budgeting, etc... I spoke to DH about it this morning, and he is in agreement. This is a fantastic opportunity, and with this much lead time, we can add it specifically into the budget for him.

So... Here is my question. DS's father, my XH, has not been consulted in this. We have worked out the budget without any contribution expected from him.

Would I be unreasonable to let him know about the trip and ask if he would be willing to contribute (not expecting anything, though )?

Of course! Are you not in regular consultation anyway about your son's education?

XH is aloof and uninvolved (sees DS maybe once every 3/4 weeks and doesn't call/email in between).

He has never paid maintenance, either, but frankly I don't get my pants in a twist over it. This is why I don't expect that he will contribute to the trip. However, stranger things have happened...

Of course it's not unreasonable to ask! Why would it be?

Presumably you will need his permission for your son to go on the trip, so you're going to have to speak to him about it at some point.

But at your son's age, I would also expect him to make some effort towards the trip. Part time job, saving pocket money, etc.

If he has never paid maintenance, he should pay for the whole bloody trip. Why are you letting him get away with not paying for his son?

Where do all these 16 year old get part time jobs? or the volume of pocket money to be able to contribute to school trips?

I do realise the Op is in Canada which may be entirely different to the UK. Where I live in the South of England near A Very Large Shopping Centre, they will not employ on a casual basis anyone who is not in a 6th form/college, meaning they are 17. The supermarkets in the high streets will not employ until the age of 18 because they don't want to have to be answering the buzzer all the time as Saturday shopper shove their crates of beer and bottles of vino through

This does preclude waitressing in greasy spoon joints etc.

So where are all these part time jobs that MN always suggests every teenager gets?

I am aware of supermarkets that take applications from 15yrs&10 months with a start date on their 16th birthday-other than high risk areas.
Where we live garden centers, high street shops, out of town stores all employ 16yr olds.
Hth

Op yanbu to ask.

Ask, of course. I agree he should pony up for the lot.

I actually wasn't asking if I should chase XH for maintenance, but thanks for your unsolicited opinion.

DS has savings - he has been contributing to his education account for ages, and will cover his pocket money and meals for the trip (and pay for a new passport, as well).

DH and I have signing authority for DS and I'd be surprised if XH even knows the name of DS's school... DS will be travelling on an adult passport, so he does not require the authorization of his father.

I figure I will ask, and if I see even a penny, I will likely faint right there and then. I am certainly not going to demand he pays the lot - all that will mean is that DS is let down and misses out on an amazing opportunity. They will be taking a battlefield tour - following the route Canadian soldiers travelled in WWII.

As my grandfather lost his leg there, it is part of our family history and is important to DS. Not a reason for petty squabbling between his father and me.