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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be baffled by DH and my ex- boyfriend

20 replies

LuluJakey1 · 14/09/2014 00:27

I have been out with a friend tonight to the cinema. Am 24 weeks pregnant .
Came home in a good mood, feeling very relaxed and thinking DH and I might go up to bed and have a bit of a thrash around.

Opened the front door to hear him and a male voice laughing.

My ex- who was my boyfriend from 14-23 yrs old had turned up earlier in the evening in tears after a few drinks, having left his wife and two boys after finding out she has been having an affair. He wanted to see me and talk to me (we are still friends of a kind, mainly email and the occasional coffee. He has never met DH).

DH had invited him in, had a few more drinks with him, and there they were getting on like a house on fire, chatting about ex's marriage problems and music they both like.

I was welcomed like their best friend, offered a beer (!) and they started to look through the DVD collection because they thought they might watch a film.

I have come up to bed. They are watching 'Black Hawk Down' and DH has offered ex our spare room for the night. Ex appears to have forgotten he has just left his wife and two boys- is now quite cheerful and they have ordered pizzas to be delivered.

Confused Baffled!

OP posts:
RJnomore · 14/09/2014 00:30

It's a bit bizarre but rather nice...

I'd try to get sleep though as the morning won't be so nice, especially after the poor man has had a revelation like that. I take it he was decent to you?

InTheNorth123 · 14/09/2014 00:33

Must have felt very strange to come home to that, but I think it's nice Smile

wafflyversatile · 14/09/2014 00:34

I think it's nice that your DH can show kindness to a stranger at his door whose only connection is he used to go out with his wife! Smile

He sounds like a goodun.

Original poster
LuluJakey1 · 14/09/2014 00:39

Yes, ex is lovely. We just grew up and apart.
DH is great, love the bones of him.
It is just weird.
And tomorrow will be weirder!

Ex has to go tomorrow, I can't have him staying here! I can see us getting a lodger.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 14/09/2014 00:52

Your dh sounds like a very nice chap

midgetjems · 14/09/2014 00:54

I've just reverted to an old name for this as I'm fairly well known under the usual one I use now.

My ex turned up just after my current partner and I had our dtds. Distraught, his gf had aborted their baby at 23 weeks because she no longer wanted it.

We offered him a bed for the night obviously.. he then sofa surfed for a couple of weeks, then rented a flat, and then when we put the word out that we were looking for a lodger, asked if we'd accept him.

Initially we were a bit WTF - but DP and he were good mates, a lot of water had passed under the bridge since our relationship, and we decided to take him. We knew he was clean, tidy, honest and reliable!

That was fourteen years ago, we've actually moved house and taken him with us. He's still clean, tidy, honest and reliable and very much part of our family.

Zacapa · 14/09/2014 00:57

Nice but slightly surreal, I think!

itsbetterthanabox · 14/09/2014 00:57

Midgetgems he left his gf for having an abortion? Sad Imagine her alone going through that and he's fucked off.
Op your dp sounds awesome. A good guy who trusts.

Zacapa · 14/09/2014 01:01

itsbetter tbf I have no doubt that your baby being terminated, as a father, would be incredibly distressing and definitely relationship ending worthy (although she was of course well within her right).

I remember running into my ex at Legoland (where he was with his girlfriend and her kids). We had an awkward but nice chat, my DC liked her kids and his girlfriend was very lovely and disturbingly similar to me (not in looks, but we liked the same music and films and everything) which meant we chatted for quite a bit, ended up spending the day with them. DP was a bit bemused but got along with him quite well.

Anotherchapter · 14/09/2014 01:01

Keep your friends close but your enemy's closer.

I came home from school one day to see my dad's ex wife (my mum) my dad's ex gf (after my mum) and my dad's current wife serving tea and my dad hiding in the kitchen.

My step mother was a Wiley woman

Anotherchapter · 14/09/2014 01:02

Oh my dad's ex gf had flew over from Canada visiting family and tried to 'catch up' with my dad. Grin

Floop · 14/09/2014 01:09

How lovely, if a tad surreal!

midgetjems · 14/09/2014 01:13

itsbetterthanabox sorry didn't make it clear. He hadn't left her, she'd left him. Or to be more precise moved her new boyfriend into their house.

All very Jeremy Kyle.

I didn't actually believe it until it was confirmed by a couple of mutual friends!

Original poster
LuluJakey1 · 14/09/2014 03:42

DH came to bed half an hour ago and I woke up.He said ex has gone to bed.

DH is now fast asleep and snoring. I can hear ex snoring too. I HATE snoring and usually go into the spare room if DH snores ...........but of course ex is in there.

I could take a knife to both of them quite cheerfully.

I might have to sleep on the bed chair in the nursery with the unassembled cot, the moses basket, and the full travel set.

perhaps DH and ex could share a room and I could have a room to myself, or is that too weird?

OP posts:
MexicanSpringtime · 14/09/2014 03:45

Your DH does sound lovely, shame about the snoring

missingmumxox · 14/09/2014 04:28

Not odd if you have a partner who is great and an ex who was too but not really for you.
I met my Dh's ex girlfriend who he only saw occasionally last time had been about 2 years previously she lived about 200 miles away but was in town on business, after we had only been dating a month, he offered to cancel, I said don't be stupid ...
They had lived together for 3 years....WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING!
Any way she arrived, she knows I am in residence .... Long story short we hit it off she was a scream, I really liked her and she also confirmed the don't hate you but don't love you split up.
Meeting her actually made me fall in love with him more, as she was a no nonsense kind of girl, intelligent, sure of herself but vulnerable and funny basically a normal female.
Made me think if he loved her he has taste, so he is worthy of me Wink
We have unfortunately lost contact since children (both me and dh's ex) and all moving abroad but my boys are 9 now and she gave them a present, I keep it even though they are too old for it now.
I have pics of my deceased parents with ex's I love the idea they had a life with love long before the love of their life.
I am friends with most my ex's before DH, they are all wonderful and I thank each and everyone of them for being decent people, they just or I wasn't quite the one Grin

Preciousbane · 14/09/2014 09:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LuluJakey1 · 14/09/2014 11:07

He has gone- snored all night. DH stopped so I stayed in our bed. I am still in bed, exhausted.

They have had bacon sandwiches together for breakfast and ex has gone home to talk to his wife- who is Russian and does not smile much- and will then go to his mum's.

He came into our room, while I was in bed in a vest top and pants (under the duvet of course) to tell me how great DH is and say thanks. I felt a bit odd at that point but hey, in the scheme of things ......

I still think it was a strange thing for DH to do; let someone he has never met who turned up drunk and sobbing and wanting to see me, into our house for several hours.

Anyway, DH is making me tea and toast and bringing it up to bed and then going out on his weekly bike ride with his pal. So I might get some sleep.

Men Hmm

Weird thing is they were born on the same day in the same year and have the same middle name- which is a very unusual name. Woo! Grin

OP posts:
francisdrakehasleprosy · 14/09/2014 12:55

cute story. Smile
...
(then there were three)

AdoraBell · 14/09/2014 13:03

Yes, cute story, glad your DH is so well adjusted.

Hope you get some sleep.

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