to not understand the " would you have reacted the same if it had been a women" comments?

[Toizzy]

I've seen it quite a few times here and have seen it again tonight.I just don't understand it, although I realise what message it sends I would think it's quite normal if the answer is no .
Am I wrong to see it like that?

"I'm not sure I can agree with you bulbasaur ( awesome nn btw I used to love pokemon)
there's as many bad women as men out there imo"

I guess the evidence is in all those gangs of women we see around the country grooming vulnerable, male children and teenagers, then raping them, beating them, torturing, threatening their families and so on.

It's all kept out of the papers, of course, because the media is run by a feminist collective.

however
I haven't said that you hate all men.

I am repeating that you have stated that you have posted that you said

"When 2 men a week are killed by their female ex partners I'll start being less prejudiced."

You are prejudiced against men, this agrees with what the op is posting.

"Uh huh. It could be a lot more. I'm pretty sure the likes of India and Pakistan drag up the average."

It wouldn't raise the numbers up for the UK though.

You haven't asked me to not help a vulnerable person, but I am pointing out that your prejudice is preventing you from helping a vulnerable person.

Shoudn't ignore 50% of the population
Why not?
Isn't that an historical fact re females...?

Surely there being more male criminals is more about men desiring control over others due to society patriarchal system more than women. Are there more male drug addicts and alcoholics is it to do with women maybe hiding addiction better as a father who is a drug addict will not be judged as harshly as a mother

And maybe in 100 years we shall see as many women winning the Nobel Peace Prize

It's hard to be seen as talented when you start from behind and once you are on the same level playing field you have to fight the negativity that goes with along with it

I don't think the OP is talking about threads commenting generally about the patriarchal society.

When an individual posts about a particular situation, eg an abusive partner there is often a very different reaction from many posters if the abused partner is male than when the abused is female. In those circumstances it is valid to ask if people would say the same if it was a female victim of abuse.

If they would not say the same then they should at least be able to say why they would advice an abused husband differently from an abused wife.

It's not really much help to know that you are part of the privileged sex in a patriarchal society when you're being abused by your partner.

Pippity

But we are not talking historically for the people that are currently suffering DV/EA.

We shouldn't forget what has gone before but should history prevent you from helping someone now?

Not here in Mexico

Oh really? I have friends in and from Mexico that would be happy to tell you the majority of people in the cartel are men. Any women are just grunts like the kids.

But kidnapping in Mexico is slightly different than the rest of the world in that it's more of a business than anything else. I had a friend that was training to be a nurse that kidnapped at the hospital and held for ransom. After that she left to come work here in the US, because the hospitals are too dangerous over there.

The question's fairly absurd, imo. As, obviously, are the accusations of vitriolic man-hating [yawn]

OP: My partner keeps me locked in the house, controls my food and won't let me have any money.
MN: This is terrible abuse. You must escape somehow - can you tell him you need to see your GP?
OP: I'm a man, DP's female.
MN: Same thing. How about this doctor's appointment?

OP: My partner's quite bossy and lately has shoved me into the furniture & thrown things at me. I'm scared.
MN: This sounds dangerous for you. He's escalating his abuse into violence.
OP: I'm a man, DP's a woman.
MN: Same thing really, how do you feel about reporting this to the police?

In every case, MN offers valuable hand-holding, pragmatic advice and refers to appropriate helplines.

Where you will find differences are in the responses to physically violent situations (or potentially so,) if the man's shown a tendency to throw his weight around literally and/or the woman's vulnerable due to pregnancy or having recently given birth. If one partner's more vulnerable due to disability, say, respondents take that into account regardless of sex.

It's a non-issue.

You might not like the fact that most men are much stronger than most women (neither do I!) or that some men abuse this fact. But they are both facts, which can't be altered by an onlooker's attitude. I would say the same of patriarchal privilege, actually, although it isn't strictly the topic here.

those that accuse posters of using "man hater" use this equally to derail and stop threads.

"In every case, MN offers valuable hand-holding, pragmatic advice and refers to appropriate helplines."

Not every poster offers "valuable hand-holding, pragmatic advice" etc.

"You might not like the fact that most men are much stronger than most women (neither do I!)"

and you may not like the fact that some women physically and emotionally abuse men (neither do I)

Nobody here has suggested women don't abuse men My fictional examples specifically suggested they do.

No, not every poster offers good advice ffs! Just as not every man or woman is an abuser. I don't need to qualify every collective noun I use.

You have no case.

Garlic

I am not trying to make a case. this isn't a court of law.

But only a fool would state that there are no double standards on here with respect to DV/EA.

Your examples show posters giving advice on the basis that the OP is about a woman being abused then not backtracking (not something I've seen many of as it goes). On threads where it is clear it is about a man in the OP the range of reactions vary quite a lot from threads about women unless there is violence in the first post.

Yes some people give the same advice they would otherwise but many fewer, and there are more responses that are disbelieving, unsympathetic, negative or looking for excuses for the abuser's behaviour.

looking for excuses for the abuser's behaviour

The only times I have seen this is where the OP seems to be leaving out more than he's saying, and where there's good reason to suspect a revenge thread. Admittedly I don't read every thread in Relationships.

But there are examples of double standards in various types of threads.

the MIL vs DM threads are a classic example.

If the DW hates the MiL the DH should back the DW.
If the DH hates the DW's DM he should suck it up and back up his DW.

It is not every poster that does this but there are a fair few.

Maybe the perceived differences are because men and women are not equal.

Accepting that there are always exceptions, women with children usually earn less and cannot climb so high in their respective jobs or careers. In general women are physically weaker than men, so abuse can take different forms.

I have known men who have been victims of abuse, but usually different mechanisms are used to keep them in that situation.

Women often suffer abuse in a society that sees a lot of this abuse as normal, like housework and child-care being obviously the woman's job, whereas men who suffer abuse have even greater difficulty acknowledging that abuse, again because of society's prejudices.