To consider getting married

[Mummabubbles]

When I don't actually want to get married?

DP and I have been in a relationship for about 6 years. He has been married once before and has a child from this marriage. I have 2 children from a previous relationship but have never been married. We have 1 child together and another on the way.

We are in a loving, solid, happy relationship that I hope is forever.
I have never liked the idea of getting married. I think its a lot of fuss and expense for a piece of paper and believe our children are a bigger commitment and statement of our relationship anyway.
DP has strong views and ideas and believes that we should be and very much wants us to be married.
I don't think being married would change anything. He thinks it would be nice for me to have the same surname as our children (although I would then have a different surname to my older children). He also thinks it would be a good idea for the more formal, legal side of things if anything were to happen to him.
He knows how I feel and that if we do get married I will be doing so for practical reasons.

(I feel I should add we are very much in love and my feelings for him have nothing to do with my uncertainty)

Sapat

You are very foolish if you think that marriage negates the need for Wills. I know so much about it but haven't the brain tonight to lay it out here. I'm sure others will come up with it if they haven't already.

LouiseBourgeois Lol. Surprise your husband on your next anniversary by looking at your marriage certificate, making a note of the date and producing a cake on your the day.

AS others have said:

No need for big party - you and 2 witnesses (can be anyone) are enough. Less than a month's notice required for registry office ceremony - email or phone your local office and see. Ceremony is very short and (in my experience) officials are wonderfully tactful and charming
No legal/financial need to change name
Really important legal protection for you - and your children/DP's children
Your DP would like it - compared with how many men behave, that's a terrific compliment to you
The civil ceremony is very plain and simple but still rather moving and life-affirming. At least my DH and I found it so...

You could always have a very quiet ceremony and a fun party several months later, maybe combined with another important event in your family lives. Anything from a DC reaching 10 years old or starting secondary school to a DP or DPIL reaching 50 or 60

HappyAgain, not only would he be completely taken aback and wonder if I had had a knock on the head, but I would be freaked out myself by the out-of-character act. It's in March, I know that much.

If you're worried about your family, my son and his (now) wife eloped without telling a single soul. DH and I found out via text message "Mum, don't freak out" followed by a text picture of their marriage certificate. Her mum found out by phone AFTER they texted (and had talked) to us. They just felt that their marriage was FOR them not a public spectacle. Although we would rather have had the 'big do' we are just really happy that they found each other, so we have 'forgiven' them. Most of the people they work with still don't know they are married.

No practical advice - but if you do marry, I'd double barrel my name so that I had the same name as both of my children's names.

That's very practical advice floop and a very good idea

Acrossthepond's son's experience has been ours, really. Yes, I feel sure the vast majority of immediate family would rather gave seen me drift up an aisle in white to met by a sermon that pretended we hadn't lived together for many, many years, followed by photos, embarrassing speeches and stodge at a hotel (the classic Irish wedding experience), but they did grasp my point that this was never an option. The options went:

(A) stay unmarried
(B) marry civilly wearing jeans on our lunch break

We got married for practical reasons on our 18th anniversary. I would have preferred not to have got married, but if anything went wrong, or one of us died, I in particular would have been in a very sticky place despite him having covered me in his will.

A no fuss wedding with just us and two witnesses.

LouiseBourgeois One fine day you will have to sign some sort of form which asks for the date of marriage so you had better know it!

My older children want to change their surnames to DPs if we marry as he's been their father figure, they adore him so we would all have the same name eventually.