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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she was being a little bit unreasonable?

51 replies

extremepie · 13/09/2014 13:29

I have a facebook friend (ex work collegue) who was showing off a new tattoo in a picture. In the picture she was wearing lacy black and red pants and nothing else!

One of her male friends posted a comment on the picture, something along the lines of 'hey, sexy pants lol'. She then got all offended and started posting back stuff like 'yeah my BOYFRIEND thinks so too, you can't be posting shit like that when I have a BOYFRIEND' (including the capitals) and then loads of her friends started piling in too calling him a pervert and telling him to grow up because the picture was about the tattoo not the underwear etc.

He responded by saying something like 'calm down I was only having a laugh, we do it all the time at work!' and people were still responding saying things like 'well obviously she doesn't find it funny' and getting all angry with him.

AIBU to find it a bit weird that you would post a picture of yourself practically naked on facebook and then get all angry and indignant with someone who comments on the fact? The tattoo in question was on her ribs so in fairness if she wanted to show it off then showing some skin is necessary but aibu in thinking she could quite easily have just pulled her top up rather than being naked except for pants?

Just find it weird that she would post a picture of herself in underwear then call someone a childish weird pervert for looking at it!

OP posts:
Original poster
extremepie · 13/09/2014 16:03

It was on her ribs so no she didn't need to be in underwear!

OP posts:
gincamparidryvermouth · 13/09/2014 16:05

I've defriended for far less.

fuzzpig · 13/09/2014 16:08

Attention seeking IMO

Nomama · 13/09/2014 16:18

Well, she does indeed deserve to get some 'unwarranted' comments. In the real world that happens to people who flaunt their semi dressed selves on social media.

We spend hours of our lives in FE college warning 16 - 19 year olds not to do such stuff... I wonder why? Oh yes! Incidents like this!

Application of Common Sense is required. If only I could bottle it...

poolomoomon · 13/09/2014 16:41

She was showing off her tattoo and she was asking for comments on her tattoo, not on her choice of underwear. Granted, she could have taken the picture with jeans/leggings on and a crop top maybe instead... But she chose to do it in her undies and that's her choice to make. Oh the horrors that a woman is proud and unashamed of her body and wants to show it off! Hmm not that she even really was wanting to show her body off, 'twas more the tattoo that happens to be in an area she would have to 'expose' herself to show off.

Can't believe people think a woman should expect men to openly leer over them and make inappropriate comments if they take a photo in their undies. Would you feel the same if they were in a bikini at the beach and someone commented something similar?

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/09/2014 16:50

Leer?
Saying "sexy pants" when someone posts a picture of themselves in their pants is not leering.
She was being very unreasonable.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/09/2014 16:53

If i went to the doctor and had to strip off to my pants and s/he said "hey sexy pants" i would not be pleased.
If i post a photo of myself just in sexy pants on fb? Only one coomment? Id be miffed.
They were sexy pants.
Get real.

Nomama · 13/09/2014 16:54

Can't believe people think a woman should expect men to openly leer over them and make inappropriate comments if they take a photo in their undies.

Really? I mean, do you absolutely honestly believe that or is that just your MN opinion? Of course women get noticed in bikini's! It is only when there are hundreds of them that they become commonplace.

I mean, it is because men leer at women and women leer at men that the human race continues. Or is there a special breed of human that does that with no sexuality involved.

I am really bemused that anyone would be surprised that an underwear piccy would not, under any circumstances, get any even mildly sexualised comments.

Then again, even at 50 I do have a sex life and have never been a nun!

Cabrinha · 13/09/2014 17:04

It doesn't matter if she was attention seeking or not, the man shouldn't have commented that way, it's rude. Whether there was another attention reason or not, she posted her tattoo for comment, not her pants.

Nomama · 13/09/2014 17:18

Cabrinha, that made me laugh so loudly I woke the rat Smile

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/09/2014 17:24

So now a caption is required about the "part" of a photo to comment on?
Maybe on page 3 they could add "please only comment on the tits, not the hair do"
Ffs!

headinhands · 13/09/2014 17:37

I would say that to a friend if I saw their pants whatever they looked like. I wouldn't say 'hey, sexy pants, I'd like to rip them off with my teeth', that would be leery and disgusting but 'sexy pants' isn't inherently letchy unless there is a backstory we don't know, and her getting all defensive would make me wonder if her boyfriend was a bit controlling and/ or her a bit of a drama llama.

Flipflops7 · 13/09/2014 19:02

YANBU, she sounds like an idiot.

mommy2ash · 13/09/2014 19:14

she sounds like she was attention seeking and she got it. people like that really annoy me. why the need for the underwear? of course she was showing off and the comment wasn't even a bad one. anyone I've ever seen on fb half naked get comments like that as that is what pictures like that welcome. i once posted a pic of me in a playsuit and some guy commented nice legs i didn't get all indignant what's the big deal. if I were her boyfriend i would be more worried about why she feels the need to show herself off on social media half naked than some guy commenting on it. I feel sorry for the guy.

i would still say all of this if the person who posted the pic was a guy

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK · 13/09/2014 19:20

Look at me look at me LOOK at me..... Don't look at me im shy

CarryOnDancing · 13/09/2014 19:23

She is everything I hate about Facebook.

She took the picture in that fashion because she wants to think people are looking and are attracted to her. Someone commented to that effect and she starts with the faux offended bullshit that

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 13/09/2014 19:25

Hmm. If he does this "all the time" at work then maybe she doesn't like it there either?

CarryOnDancing · 13/09/2014 19:25

(Posted too soon)...that is so popular nowadays.

I would imagine the boyfriend will be more concerned that she wants people to see her in her underwear than someone commenting on it.

I feel very irritated for you! Block or delete your Facebook account!

Explored · 13/09/2014 19:57

I must live in a parallel universe.

She posted a picture of herself in sexy pants and he commented on the sexy pants, even though she had only asked him to look at the tattoo and he's in the wrong? He wasn't unkind or abusive. If she'd made a post about a tattoo and she was wearing a silly hat or had outrageous make-up would he still only have been allowed to comment on the tattoo?

If she walked down the street in her pants, should she expect to be able to do so without the threat of violence or abuse, of course, but should she expect to do it without anyone looking or commenting? Really?

He isn't her doctor, or her boss and they weren't at work, it was on a social networking site.

LadyLuck10 · 13/09/2014 20:04

She deserved it. Why would anyone put themselves in underwear on the internet? And in the rl people would comment, but on mn off course people don't judge and take a holier than thou attitudeHmm.
She was attention seeking, I feel sorry for her bf actually, he should dump her.

FuckOffWeasel · 13/09/2014 20:12

If he had just called her "sexy" and she'd been in jeans would that have been OK? It would be weird and inappropriate. So because you don't approve of her clothing you are saying it is OK to objectify her.

Itsfab · 13/09/2014 20:16

She sounds like a prat and the other people bullies to attack him. It was obviously a joke. She could quite easily have worn plain cotton pants but then...

slithytove · 13/09/2014 20:19

If someone looks sexy regardless of what they are wearing, what's wrong with saying that? Isn't it a compliment?

Excepting age/cheating issues of course!

slithytove · 13/09/2014 20:19

Or is it only a problem when a man says it to a woman

TheRealAmandaClarke · 13/09/2014 20:20

I dont disapprove of her clothing.
I just think its ridiculous and disingenuous to claim offence when someone posts a picture of themselves in their sexy knickers and gets comments about their sexy knickers.
And i dont believe that anyone actually believes that remarking on such a picture in the way this man did is objectification, or offensive or inappropriate. I just dont accept that.
But just in case anyone does think that. Youre wrong.