To think that I know the teenage years are going to be tough, and that doesn't exactly help me when my dc1 is six

[manchestermummy]

Having a tough time with DD1 atm (nearly 7). Rude, cheeky, grumpy, non-compliant. Nothing out of the ordinary - I don't think - but causing a bit of grief at the same time.

We had a horrible morning. She was awful. Screaming at us, not getting ready, wanting an unfeasible hair style that I didn't have time to do. She shouted; I shouted. Lots. Eventually got her blotchy-faced and sullen into school. I felt awful, cried all the way to work and spent the rest of the day stifling sobs at my desk. Massive over reaction but I was tired and upset and disappointed in myself for how I handled it. Very pathetic I know.

I was meant to be going out after work with colleagues. I mentioned I just wanted to go home and I might not come. I was derided: "A bit of shouting does no harm. You have to tell them off sometimes you know" and then "You just wait until she is a teenager, that's when it's hard. What happened today is nothing". In a sneery way, not a gentle "not to worry" way.

I had just about got over myself when dh called to say he had been injured at work and felt he needed medical attention (this from the man who only goes to the gp at death's door) so I had to go.

My colleagues think I'm making it up. And that I am pathetic.

I am not stupid and I know teens can be challenging. But my present is a six-year-old. AIBU to think I'm allowed to have a crap day with a younger child?

Yanbu. I arrive at work upset every so often. Not cried yet but my colleagues all have crappy mornings too. We just get the tea on and have a mope for 5 mins.

Yanbu. It is no comfort to think times will be tougher in future. I have a 7mo and a 2. 7yo and the only thing that keeps me going is the hope it will get easier. Your friends are unsympathetic.

Sorry about your dp - hope he is ok.

People say stuff to try and make you feel better in a twisted round about way you sound just exhausted and maybe a little sensitive your friends were just trying to help we all have bad days yours sounded tough and tbh teenagers are no different to little children when they misbehave they are just taller

Those kind of mornings are horrible and it's so easy to let it dissolve into shouting and screaming on both parts. Screw your colleagues, they should be more supportive, can't they just smile sympathetically and make you a brew??! I find what makes me feel a bit better is going through what happened and thinking how I can deal with it better next time with a better outcome all round. Kids fees off the stressful atmosphere I often think, although it can be nigh on impossible to keep calm sometimes!

Really hope your Dh is OK!

Ds1 was much harder work aged 6-11 than he's been from 12-15 if that helps at all

All ages have their problems, it's just that it's easier to get in the car and leave them to it for an hour to cool off when they're older.

Absolutely hate it when people say that to me! YANBU! I have a 7yo ds and he's been like this a lot this year so sympathies. The behaviour lady at his school was really helpful last term with him when I was at the end of my tether.

DSS1 hit his "teenage" years at about 8 and was awful until 11. At 14 he's the loveliest, most helpful, cheerful person I know.

DH is fine .

Thank you for the kind words

I have three- 2 12 15.
It's actually the 5-9 years that I found hardest for confrontation .
With teenagers I think you half expect it and handle it better, acknowledging its part of growing up.
Keep a sense of humour and have some time to yourself too - it's amazing how a few hours of me time freshen you .
My other top tip is to cuddle or touch plenty- non verbal love is mega important . It reassures and grows confidence .
I've had plenty of tearful screamy drop offs and we've survived so stop beating yourself up !

Don't believe all the "wait until they are teenagers hype". Not all teenagers are awful. I think if you put the groundwork in now you get the dividends later.
We all feel like an awful parent at times. Don't beat yourself up about it.

My two are now 16 and 18 and I can hand-on-heart say the teen years (so far!!) have really been quite nice. I'm still waiting for the hideous tantrums to start.
The main issue is their constant bickering with each other (which drives us mad), and the endless piles of dirty plates, glasses and empty food wrappers they leave strewn around the house.
Apart from that, it's fine. Don't allow others to scare you.

They do like to try to scare me it has to be said. I am generally disliked at work (youngest and quite senior but more than qualified) which makes a bad start even better!

Been thinking about this my 2 were a pita between 6 and 9 whinge y whiney stroppy and argumentative and the teen years really have not been that bad

I think girls especially are growing into teenagers younger and younger these days as they seem to hit puberty younger.

So I wouldn't be worrying about the teenage years too much.

I do think girls mature quicker yes but some girls start puberty at 9 or 10 so it makes sense that they act teenagery younger

And teenagers don't have to be horrible. Most of them are lovely. I think if you expect them to be horrible, they will be.

Op I'm joining your 'my kids are such hard work' circle. Dd is 11 and so stubborn. The only way I cope is cold robotic repetition with the occasional well timed 'bark'. But keep the barking quick and purposeful. Do not get drawn into a joint tantrum iyswim. Don't take it personally. Drink wine when they're in bed and remember that they might move out one day and you'll be free!!!

Manchestermummy, I'd keep my mouth shut at work.
Really. I know it's easy to moan and complain, but if you're senior and more wualified and also younger then you have to be senior and not overshare.

Your dd and you need to have a when you do/ say this, I feel this conversation.

You need to negotiate a new way of being at home with each other and you must both sign a contract about what you've negotiated.

Things you might say are: when you shout and scream about your hair, I feel totally stressed as we are running late and I need to be on time for work.

Or when you shout, I feel like I don't want to live here in my home anymore? How do you feel about shouting? Maybe we could agree not to shout anymore?

It takes time and there is bound to be a period when the shouting (hers ) increases, but just point to the contract which you have pinned up, and walk away untill every ones calm again. And repeat.

This book by maggie reigh called ways to bring out the best in you and your child [[http://www.maggiereigh.com/conscious-parenting-resources-products/9-ways-parenting-book/]] is very good. I'd recommend you get it.
We haven't looked back.

And keep your problems with her to yourself at work, it's no ones business after all, and would be very bad for your dd if she knew you were bitching about her.
I'd imagine those you work with wouldn't turn a hair by calling her that stroppy shouting madam, or the like if they were to meet her- how would you feel in her place?

Good luck with it all. Hope your DH is ok.

Link, sorry
Maggie reigh's book

My 13&16y DDs are lovely.
DD2 was horrible at 6 and at 9/10.

Both are steps in growing up and wanting to be an independent person, but not being old enough to handle it.

I guess some 13yo feel the same, but mine have only asked for freedoms they are old enough for. DD2 is off with her friends today, but I have addresses for both houses she'll be at and she has her phone.

Oh and she texted a hug to big sister who's feeling ill.

Agree with many pps. My Ds is a delight at 14 (with the exception of being reluctant to shower - but he nevers refuses or answers back ; he's really incredibly biddable, would just rather not shower!): he was really, really difficult as a 7 year old.

Now he is a boy, and with AS, so not exactly the same, but, in short, I'd say: ignore your mean colleagues. They obviously just get a kick out of picking on someone who is already down.

Be fair and consistent with your dd and I'm sure things will get better.

This is a great website with some lovely ideas for tricky times with children:

www.ahaparenting.com

Venus I wasn't over sharing: all I said was I might not join them for dinner after work as I'd had a bad morning and wanted to see dd1 before bed.

Neither was I bitching about my dd. I'd washed off my make-up through tears and as I look terrible without make-up at the best of times it was obvious something was wrong. They asked. I told them!