To want real life to be more fun?

[jenny1969]

Like a lot of people in real terms our household income has dropped like a stone over the past few years. That, along with the rising cost of living means we are getting by but that’s about it. Years ago I had an active social life, but that has all gone. A takeaway and a bottle of wine if we are lucky is the nearest we get to fun thesedays. No holiday for 3 years and none on the horizon. Friends have stopped asking me on nights out as they know I never say yes. Don’t really have many friends left to be honest as they all seem to disappear if you can’t spend any money.

I thought that at this stage of life, no small children, more freedom, life would be getting easier, but it isn’t. I am so bored of the daily grind, come home to watch crap on TV, repeat times X 5 and then weekends just more of the same as we can’t afford to do anything or go anywhere.
I have tried getting a better job, but getting nowhere, even within my own company. I am so fed up of it all and the constant struggle to make ends meet. DH has gone as far as he can in his field and the pay is not going to get any better. I just want a nice sun holiday, a few weekends away and a trip out once a month. Is that too much to ask?

How do you have any kind of life when there is no money left after paying bills? My lifestyle is so far removed from my family, who fill Facebook with lovely holidays and cheeky days out. I am the poor relation and it hurts. My mum has even stopped asking me shopping as my supermarket clothes embarrass her in the designer shops and I can never afford to buy anything anyway.

That's a bit crap....I feel for you. But first of all, I think you need to rethink your ideas of what you consider to be good ways to pass your time. For example, it looks like shopping as a leisure activity isn't going to be on the cards for a while.

I'm a long term "poor person";- I've very rarely had much disposable income for the whole of my life. And I still manage to have plenty of fun! But then again, I've had years to develop interests that are cheap/ free. We have an allotment, for example, love doing stuff like picking blackberries and cooking them, going for walks, making home made wine.....We also go to the beach a hell of a lot (and I've finally got the money together to buy a wetsuit, so am looking forward to lots of wild swimming!)- although that's a lucky accident of geography, obviously.

I think it helps that most of my friends are on a low income too, so sitting around a fire in someone's garden sharing supermarket wine is a pretty standard evening out. But you could always invite your friends round for a meal where everyone brings a dish?or make new friends

Can you afford to run a car? That really helps- if you can get about a bit, there are lots of things to do.

And, if you want a free day out THIS VERY WEEKEND- it's Heritage Open Days Weekend! www.heritageopendays.org.uk/ Loads of free entry to places! Quick- pack a picnic and get out there!

You are right and I do need a new group of friends. Tried suggesing the meal round here thing, but my old friends are just not interested. Not got a clue where to start with that either and no idea how to meet people. DH works weekends and evenings a lot so I am on my own. We do have a car, but I dont drive, but can never think of anything to do that doesnt cost money! The Heritage Day thing sounds just up our street, but DH is at work all weekend. It is good to know there are free things out there. Thank you. I also needs to find things I can do on my own too. I cant afford lunches out or the weekends away I used to have with my friends.

It will all change when they start having kids, don't worry.

My social life is pretty busy, but doesn't often involve meals out or shopping.

I'm in a craft group and we meet once a month round each others houses, also 2 book groups, which again meet at someone's home. And, don't laugh, I recently helped set up a new WI group, have met loads of people that way.

What other things do you like doing? Could you find a group locally?

Pity fest much?

Come on, there are loads of things to do without much money - yoga/pilates in the park, fitness, art/painting/sketching, reading library books, making stuff from stuff bought in charity shops, baking, DIY, volunteering, leading/helping at guides/scouts/brownies/cubs, gardening, allotments or guerilla gardening/community gardening groups et etc etc...

Your friends and mother sound like arseholes byw if they drop you because you are the willing to spend money on pointless shit BUT the good news is, that if you do any of the above you'll make new friends

Go on get out there - it won't change until you do!

• you are not willing to spend money

morerogermore - You are 100% correct my friends are all childless, several still live at home (in their 30s) so maybe thats the problem.

I think I do need to broaden my horizons. Gardening is a chore as is DIY and fitness. I dont like kids much so brownies is out. I dont have a crafty bone in my body. I would imagine book and craft clubs to be full of posh, educated people who would turn their nose up at my council house! Activities like that just seem alien to me.

I like eating out, concerts, theatre, boozy nights in the pub, long lunches over a bottle of wine chatting with the girls, bingo, shopping, all involve money. I have no idea how to entertain myself without spending!

Having no money for fun is crap. When we were really skint I made use of the following:

Tesco club card vouchers - can trade them for 3x face value for meals/days out

The cheap holidays in newspapers - we upgraded, paid for the entertainment passes & still come in around £100 for 3/4 nights in a holiday park.

Sites such as hot UK deals & money saving expert

Also, not sure where you live but make use of everything that is free - music events in parks, museums, galleries, council run fun days etc.

OP I feel exactly as you do and my life is like yours. I miss the good old days. It feels like all I do is work and all I can afford is scraps

Also its all very well saying there's lots to do but when you're holding down 3 jobs trying to make ends meet. Working non stop and relying on leftovers from work, hand me down clothes and food banks its not so great!

pity fest Wow bunch you are a charmer!

op I am in a similar situation, it sucks! I have had to give up work as childcare costs were ridiculous and we were significantly worse off so now I feel even more awful because I don't even have my own money to not spend.

I do however have much more understanding friends it would seem as they dragged me to the pub yesterday afternoon with kids and practically sat on me til I agreed to them buy me a coke (I don't drink). we also arrange coffee mornings and fuddle lunches at each others houses.

I agree with others that organising some sort of social event for the neighbours would be good?

have you done anything about arranging playdates for the kids, that might be a good way of meeting the parents?

There are always free things to do.. just Google free things to do in >your area< what you're really bemoaning are the things you're accustomed to which you are unable to do atm.

Why can't you go to bingo? Are you on the mailing list for your club? I've got a free mains for the gala sitting waiting to be used. Most clubs have cheap nights.. just don't play the pound a go games.

You can have a day put just pick somewhere free entry and take some sandwiches, that's all we do.

Shopping.. Make a game of it. Pick pretty decent city areas and visit all the charity shops.. you can find decent stuff if you put the work in.

Great ideas WiseGuy, thanks.Just the kind of tips I was looking for.

That’s how I feel TheHobbit. Like the good times are behind me. Life is such a struggle, but I know I am very lucky that we are both in work and can at least cover the basics.

My only child is all grown up (I am still only in my late 30’s) and do their own thing wheresthelight so that’s part of my problem. Lots of free time, but not much money to do anything. Its evenings and weekends I have an issue with as I work during the day as do most of my friends and family. I say friends, but I don’t really see them these days. Hardly know my neighbours, even after 20 years here! If I invited them in for coffee, they would probably think I was bonkers!

Well you've pretty much dissed everything I like - volunteering, fitness (cycling, walking and running for me), craft and book group.

My life is loads of fun but it does involve all the things above plus eating-in with friends (bring a plate stuff). We're hosting friends this afternoon providing teas and coffees and one couple are bringing home baking.

I think you need to try thinking again about all the stuff you're just dismissing out if hand. Or you can stay as you are.

Look at this website for volunteering and see if there's anything interesting. It sounds like you might need more friends and volunteering can be a good way to meet different people www.do-it.org.uk

museumum Its not that I am dissing it, I just think they are not my kind of thing. Fitness would be a chore for me, like the ironing! I dont mind a nice walk and a picnic, so that is an idea.

I have no friends to invite round really, so that needs to change, but no idea where to start.

have you thought of volunteering with something like guiding or scouting? we have an excellent social side for the grown ups and training weekends usually end up as night fuelled by food, wine and giggles.

I've not looked myself but have heard good things about the Borrow my Doggie website. Perhaps buddying up with a local dog owner could help - free walking, getting out, a happy dog and the owner might be okay too, you hope

also, does your mum really shop in designer shops? That suggests disposable income. Could she not treat you a bit? Not the big stuff, but cinema tickets, the odd theatre visit kind of thing.

If you like walking, why not join a walking group? The Ramblers have under 40's groups (I belonged to one when I used to qualify!) they're a great way of getting out and meeting people. Group walks are very chatty and they very often run evening walks and other social events too.

To get new friends:
Take up a new interest. Evening class, or club or something. They may cost money, but although they are usually an upfront cost, it works out cheap in the long run. Also try MN local page. Are there any facebook groups? Is there anything advertised at the local library? Can I also recommend joining a political party - you meet all sorts.

To have more money available:
Earn more
AND/OR
Spend less

Earn more: You say that you are not having much luck progressing. Have you asked for any feedback on any applications you've done?
Are there any jobs you could do at the weekend to give you a little extra? Dog walking, ironing, babysitting, tutoring (have no idea what would be appropriate as you dont say much about your job) etc.

Spend less:
Have a look on money saving expert.
Where are you doing your shopping? Waitrose? Switch to Aldi/Lidl.
Have you checked to see if you can get cheaper deals from other utility providers?
Could you get by with a cheaper mobile contract?
Go through the last 3 months of bank statements and see where you spend money.
Do you buy books? Go to the library instead.
Do you budget? I was once told that 10% of my income should be for my clthes. If you dont use it one month, then you can afford something bigger the next etc.
Find cheaper stuff to do: get on the mailing list for every venue in your local town. There will be free events. A friend started following skint london on twitter - is there anything like that for your area? Can you sign up for groupon or other money saving deal sites?

I recommend this book all over mmsnet: How to do everything and be happy by Peter Jones. Will definitely help get your life to resemble more what you had previoulsy imagined.

amigababy Your post about my mum did make me smile. She is quite happy to spend £100+ on a t shirt but takes her all her time to put £20 in a card for grandkids birthdays. Tight is not the word!! Guess thats how my parents are so wealthy! I could never afford the designer shops in the first place but even keeping her company costs money. Subway for lunch is out of the question with her and £3 a time in Starbucks adds up. She would never, ever offer to buy lunch or treat me in any way.

I wondered, and I'm really sorry.

Craft and book groups are not made up of posh people. Every knitting/ craft group I've been a member of has been full of nice people who generally can't afford new stuff so have had to turn to making their own. Depends totally on the group, but creative people are nice.
Have a look on meetup.com. Lots of ideas on there. Walking groups, art classes, yoga, volunteering - there's lots to do on a budget. Cut the takeaways, they're so expensive, and put that money towards classes in something. The W.i is also much trendier these days, ours had a cocktail making class and I believe hula hooping.

If you like theatre could you join an amateur theatre group? There are lots in my area and you can help out backstage if you don't want to perform. The children can get involved too if they are interested. We also go to other local amateur performances which are cheap to attend.

Another idea if you have children is to have a family games night with another family. We have food and then play board games and take it in turns at each others houses. You could provide a main and them bring the pudding.

Check the local paper for village hall events or organise one yourself. Easy to organise but great fun for all ages is a beetle drive. Are your children at school? There are often cheap social events run by the PTA.

How about house swapping for a weekend away?? I think the NCT organise this between members but there are other groups.