To think she's allowed this feeling

[Notacs]

Three years ago my friend was left permanently disabled after hospital messed up a minor op; she can't really talk (she can make sounds) and move her arms a bit but she can't walk or anything.

She had a time hop picture of her holding her baby DS (4 years ago) out for a walk picking blackberries, and she said 'I miss days like this' cue lots of posts telling her not to look back and don't reminisce and so on.

I know they were being kind but AIBU for acknowledging she obviously will feel bad about it?

YANBU.

As I get older I think more and more that our evolution as thinking creatures who are aware of our own mortality and feelings is really in its primordial stages. We seem unable to process our own or other people's feelings adequately, we want them put away out of sight as though they are bad demons that will infect us with their negativity.

IMO the only response to someone expressing sadness is to acknowledge their feeling and invite them to talk about it.

No I don't think so. She is of course entitled to look back on her life in whatever way she pleases. It is not for others to tell her how to feel no matter how well-meaning they are.

I notice it in here sometimes if I'm honest, people are very insistent at offering advice, things must be fixed, do this, take that, go here.

Sometimes I think you have to just ... Ride feelings out?

I agree. Sometimes things can't be fixed so you have to learn how to manage that in yourself.

Resilience is built over time by allowing yourself to feel.

I would think the memories make life more worthwhile. I can't imagine telling someone in a bad way that they shouldn't dwell on happier times.

This is invariably about their own feelings of impotence and inability to help. So many people are hung up on finding solutions or their own discomfort with holding the pain of others.

I think at the moment those memories do make her sad, and angry and frustrated, but she's allowed to feel those things.

YANBU. Sometimes people encourage someone to push these kind of thoughts back because it makes them feel uncomfortable, which is very selfish imo. Your friend experienced a tragic and life changing incident and of course she will think back to before it happened, especially if she has a child.

Blimey, can't believe people are so insensitive towards here. It is so sad and she's allowed to be sad

We are all unutterably shit at being in our own emotions or letting others be in theirs. YANBU and neither is your friend.

I'm trying to practice this with DD. Naming emotions including anger and sadness and letting her be angry or sad if she is. It's hard.

Your poor friend

It's terrible, Lapsed, she will hopefully get a lot of money in compensation which will help provide care and mean her home is converted properly etc. but it obviously won't even start to compensate for what she has lost

YANBU she's more than entitled to feel however she wants.

Yes, not allowing herself to think about it and then feel won't make her any better, any faster.