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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think sending 3DC off to boarding school after they had 'lost' two father's was a bit off of my mother?

12 replies

WideAwakeNow · 12/09/2014 21:15

I am the youngest of 6 children. My mother had her 1st 4 DC with her 1st husband who apparently died suddenly. My father then left my mother after she had had a further 2 DC with him (my older brother and I) when I was 4.

My mother then married again quite soon afterwards and the oldest 3 DC were packed off to boarding schools (2 at one school and the other at another) at the other end of the country to where we were living at the time.

I don't have much to do with my siblings. We were not brought up to be close. In fact I have just realised how odd it was that us three remaining siblings at home were all sent to different secondary schools even though there was only 3 years between the oldest and me. No SN to account for that either.

Having my own teenage DC now, I have just been asking myself how my mother could have sent the 3 oldest away after they had suffered so much trauma (my father was violent) and effectively lost two fathers. I feel sad for them.

AIBU?

OP posts:
WideAwakeNow · 12/09/2014 21:20

Sorry 'fathers' not father's

OP posts:
hippo123 · 12/09/2014 21:22

Have you asked your mum or siblings about it?

WideAwakeNow · 12/09/2014 21:24

No the past is not something that is spoken about on the rare occasion we speak.

OP posts:
furcoatbigknickers · 12/09/2014 21:24

What does your mum say?

furcoatbigknickers · 12/09/2014 21:24

X post

PurpleWithRed · 12/09/2014 21:25

It's hard to comment without really knowing the people and situation - but you're right, it's not what you'd expect.

WideAwakeNow · 12/09/2014 21:26

TBH it is not something that I could ask her. Stuff that happened when grew up is not to be questioned.

OP posts:
gentlehoney · 12/09/2014 21:26

Maybe she thought they would benefit from the stable environment that boarding school provided?

greenfolder · 12/09/2014 21:28

May be there was provision to pay for private education in dad1 estate for his kids. May be it seemed the best way to deal with 6 kids? Older ones at school,able to focus on younger ones? Lots of good and logical reasons.

WideAwakeNow · 12/09/2014 21:32

Nope apparently 3rd DH, my stepfather paid. Military boarding school allowance or something.

OP posts:
WideAwakeNow · 12/09/2014 21:34

She had 2 further DC with 3rd DH so not really focusing on us middle 3 still!

OP posts:
Flexibilityisquay · 12/09/2014 21:34

If she was struggling to cope, it may be that was the best she could do. Difficult to know without speaking to her. It is sad that things worked out that way. It certainly doesn't sound like an ideal upbringing!

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