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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused by the term "friend" these days!

13 replies

zeezeek · 12/09/2014 14:00

My DSD is currently doing a course in London (she normally lives in Sweden). She's lovely and we all get on well, but she keeps mentioning going for walks, or weekends away with a friend and I'm just a bit curious about whether it is a) a female friend b) a platonic male friend or c) a FWB or d) a potential new boyfriend.

I don't have a problem with any of it, as she is single, adult and not hurting anyone.

I just find it curious that one word can have so many different meanings these days.

What's wrong with saying boyfriend/girlfriend if that's what they are? Or admit that you are having a casual relationship.

And it's not just DSD, a single female friend of mine is interested in a guy that she works with and he seemed interested in her too. They got to know each other better, got more friendly and closer and then a couple of times he casually mentioned that he had done something with a friend at the weekend (just a walk or something innocuous) and now she's wondering exactly what sort of friend it is (ie one of the four options above).

When did life get this complicated?

Thanks for the rant Smile

OP posts:
MomOfABeast · 12/09/2014 14:23

Maybe it's just a platonic friend or maybe it's an early/casual relationship and she doesn't want an inquisition or to be asked about it further down the road if it doesn't work out.

NotNewButNameChanged · 12/09/2014 14:26

As long as your DSD knows what sort of friend she has, it actually doesn't matter to you.

squoosh · 12/09/2014 14:33

Aren't Scandinavian types very liberated with regards to sexual partners? Maybe it is just a friend that she indulges in a bit of 'how's your father' with.

Frontier · 12/09/2014 14:36

Oh I don't know, I think friend is a necessary catch all TBH.

Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds wrong to my ears if they're over about 17, partner is just horrible and she's hardly going to tell her SM she has a FWB!

Sp1rals · 12/09/2014 14:37

Or a potential new girlfriend...? Might be why the word friend is being used?

Vitalstatistix · 12/09/2014 14:43

Why do you need to know?

I don't mean that in a snarky way Grin honest. But beyond you just burning with nebbyness Grin why do you need to know whether the person she is talking with is intimate with her or not?

She is telling you about social activities with someone she classifies to you as a friend. What would change for you if you knew whether it was a friend she was sleeping with or not?

Can't you just take it that this person is Friend. If there ever comes a point that their status changes - she'll probably tell you.

Is it the same friend?

If you don't even know the friend's gender, how do you know that she is not telling you about different people?

I went for a walk with a friend
I went away with a friend

Well, that could be the same friend, or two different people

Unless she's saying I went away with that same person I told you about before, who I went for a walk with... or otherwise telling you that it is always the same person. Is she? In which case, it's a bit odd to go to such lengths to tell you it's the same person without telling you their name or gender, isn't it? Unless the name is a gender neutral one, is it?

Original poster
zeezeek · 12/09/2014 16:05

Sp1rals - that kind of is one of the reasons why I want to know! SHe's had several boyfriends over the years, but sometimes I have wondered if she is actually gay!

Just nosiness really. And frustration on behalf of my friend who is being driven nuts trying to work out what's going on with this guy.

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 12/09/2014 16:27

Can't your friend just ask him? I like you, I hope you like me, do we want to do anything about that...

beats sitting there waiting and trying to work out how someone feels.

4amInsomniac · 12/09/2014 17:34

I like the term "um friend", as in ' I went away with my um ... friend last weekend'.

Everyone understands that there might be the possibility of more than platonic friendship going on, but that things aren't in the state where they might be described as a girlfriend/boyfriend!

fredfredgeorgejnr · 12/09/2014 17:49

So you want to know 'cos you're nosey...

... that's probably also why she's not telling you more.

Get your nose out!

YABU.

DreamerOfStars · 12/09/2014 19:03

What's an FWB?

Eauneau · 12/09/2014 19:11

Is anyone else thinking of The Inbetweeners right now?!

'Oooh friend'!

Original poster
zeezeek · 12/09/2014 20:43

Vitalstatistix - it's complicated as we all work in the same department. So no, not really as a negative would make things really uncomfortable for her. Fuck, I don't know.

fredfredgeorgejnr - you are so right!! I've been her step-mother for 25 years nearly, since she was 2 to be precise, so I don't imagine for a second that she is going to tell me anything!!!

I admit, I'm nosey, ok?

OP posts:
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