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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to have spoken to this lad about his actions?

28 replies

offtoseethewizard64 · 12/09/2014 13:21

I was driving to a regular leisure activity this morning, when I noticed in my rear view mirror that the driver of car behind appeared to be on his mobile phone (with his hand up to his ear). He followed me for about 2 miles during which time we negotiated roundabouts as well as left and right turns. Each time I checked my mirror, he was still on the phone.

By coincidence, he pulled up at exactly the same place as I did and was still on his phone when I walked past his car and into the building. I was still by the door when he walked in (having now finished his conversation) so I turned to him and said "Can I recommend that you invest in a hands free kit for your car". He looked at me as if he didn't know what I was talking about whereupon I explained that he had been driving behind me for some distance and I had noticed that he was illegally using his phone. His response was to ask me if I was a police officer and I questioned what difference that made, as clearly even if I was then I was off duty. I told him I was merely pointing out, as another road user, that he was unnecessarily breaking the law and could easily rectify it in future. He clearly took exception to me and was not about to admit to the error of his ways as he asked me "if I'd had a bad night?" I replied that I hadn't but that I just took exception to other road users who put other peoples'lives at risk.

At that point we went our separate ways and got on with what we had come for.

So WIBU to have challenged him in the 1st place in the hope that he will change his ways. I will add that I was old enough to be his mother and I have my own teenage son who has just passed his driving test and am constantly telling him "it's not just about how you drive, it's the other idiots on the road you have to watch out for".

OP posts:
deakymom · 12/09/2014 13:23

if he had asked me if i was a police officer i would have said no but i can call one on my hands free kit (also known as my teenage dd)

Pheonixisrising · 12/09/2014 13:32

Of course you weren't being unreasonable

Why would you think you were ?

BackforGood · 12/09/2014 13:45

Well, it was very public spirited of you to do so, but I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised to not get an immediate "Oh, that's a good idea, thanks for the suggestion" off him Grin. You were lucky he was so civilised, tbh.

randycheeseburger · 12/09/2014 13:48

good on you, he was probably embarrassed idiot

morethanpotatoprints · 12/09/2014 13:52

People who do this wouldn't get embarrassed and couldn't give a flying fuck.
YANBU OP, but completely wasting your time.
Also agree with BackforGood
He did sound quite civilised.

Original poster
offtoseethewizard64 · 12/09/2014 13:54

pheonix only because I am not in the habit of confronting complete strangers and MN opinion sometimes seems to be butt out and mind your own - so I wasn't certain I was taking the correct action - obviously I am not a police officer.

backforgood I had rather hoped he would be a bit more sheepish in his response given our age differences. I would be disappointed if my DS was cocky to someone of my age who had challenged him over a wrong doing. I can dream that the message will sink in for this lad plus he had what looked like a personalised number plate so I will definitely recognise his car if I see it again and may well report him to the police

OP posts:
youmakemydreams · 12/09/2014 13:55

People who do this don't care. I have driven behind a friend once and could tell at what points on the journey she was on her phone. She was all over the place.

Original poster
offtoseethewizard64 · 12/09/2014 13:57

morethan I would use the term cocky rather than civilised. He left the building before I did and as he walked passed me he said "Have a good day" to which I replied "Thank you - drive safely now".

Let's just hope his cockiness doesn't cost him or anyone else their life.

OP posts:
PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 14:15

Would you go up to a guy in a club and order him to stop taking drugs? Would you have confronted this guy had he been with a group of friends? Doubtful.

You could have also caused a crash by constantly looking at him behind you

You probably petrified the poor boy

Heebiejeebie · 12/09/2014 14:23

Ffs, it's torally different to taking drugs. The risk is to OTHER ROAD USERS, pedestrians, cyclists and children.

PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 14:26

Someone taking drugs is not a danger to others? Who's to say they wont get into a car? Get in a fight?

Original poster
offtoseethewizard64 · 12/09/2014 14:28

sportscar Dare I suggest your name says it all. If someone chooses to take drugs in a club they will not usually be causing harm to others. On the other hand this lad was sharing a piece of road that i was using. He could have quite easily have gone into the back of me at the roundabout. And I would have been more likely to cause a crash if I had not been using my mirror. I was using my mirror as I was changing direction - as was he. Although I was taught to drive over 30 years ago, I still remember the mantra "mirror, signal, manoeuvre. Sadly this is either no longer taught or too many drivers fail to use it - obviously yourself included.

OP posts:
PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 14:32

No I am very familiar with MSM.

I don't understand why you have posted asking if YABU if you are very determined you weren't.

If my young lad was approached by a woman having a go at him for using the phone I wouldn't be happy. He could have been on the phone for any reason, an emergency? Samaritans? To complain about the lady in front driving without due care and attention?

Original poster
offtoseethewizard64 · 12/09/2014 14:46

Seriously sportscar If he needed to use the phone because it was an emergency then he could have pulled over - it is still an offence to use the phone whilst driving, whatever the reason. Given that he then spent a relaxed 1/2 hour in the building, it can't have been much of an emergency.

And as you would clearly be happy with your DS using a phone whilst driving then I hope I never encounter either him or non-mirror using you on the roads. I was not driving without due car and attention, I was the one driving safely. And politely suggesting to someone young and inexperienced that they do something differently is hardly "having a go"

OP posts:
PleaseLetMeKeepTheSportsCar · 12/09/2014 14:57

politely suggesting to someone young and inexperienced that they do something differently

Not really anyone else's business though is it?

claraschu · 12/09/2014 14:57

Spprtscar is really scraping the bottom of the barrel here with this attempt to blame you and justify the teenage idiot.

There is a good reason it is illegal to talk on the phone while driving. I would have taken the boy's registration and phoned the police if he acted this shameless.

rb32 · 12/09/2014 15:06

You were not being unreasonable. It's the tip of the ice-berg though. I've told people to pick up their rubbish they've dropped on the floor before, told them to pick up thir dogs shit from the pavement and I probably would've done the same as you. People just don't care about anyone else than themselves. Atleast he wasn't rude to you.

Original poster
offtoseethewizard64 · 12/09/2014 15:11

I agree clara. I hope that sportscar is just enjoying the sport of getting into a bun fight to relieve an afternoon of boredom rather than seriously holding those views. sportscar it clearly is other people's business when they are sharing the road. Rather than rant at him for using the phone, I merely suggested a safer way of doing things in future - clearly something which hadn't occurred to him - otherwise he wouldn't have been risking his life, points on his licence and a fine.

OP posts:
ThatBloodyWoman · 12/09/2014 15:11

I think you were perhaps taking pointless chances that he might get really nasty with you.

Original poster
offtoseethewizard64 · 12/09/2014 15:28

I don't think I would have been in danger even if he had got nasty - I was in a building where there were other people that I know would have intervened if there had been any trouble. I wouldn't necessarily risk challenging someone if I was somewhere isolated.

OP posts:
Stratter5 · 12/09/2014 15:35

I've done similar, had a pop at a twat in B&Q who drive there behind me whilst on his phone. Busy area too.

It's everyones business when someone is doing something illegal that has the potential to kill.

BackforGood · 12/09/2014 15:57

Sportscar your sentence : If my young lad was approached by a woman having a go at him for using the phone I wouldn't be happy nicely sums up a lot of what is wrong with society.

This young man was breaking the law.
It's a law that came into force because it's such a stupid and dangerous action, that many, many people are killed or severely injured each year because of this action - before you begin on the 'minor' bumps and near misses caused. The OP was brave enough to speak out - politely and suggesting something he could do so he could still use his phone, no aggression or violence, and you seriously are saying 'you wouldn't be happy' ? Shock

This young man has to have been at least 17 - probably a bit older.
If my ds were ever stupid enough to use his phone and drive, I hope every single person who knew about it had a real go at him. If he's big enough to drive, he's big enough to cope with someone challenging him when he does something so stupid.

Pico2 · 12/09/2014 16:07

If he was my son, I'd be grateful that someone pointed out to him that he was doing something that may kill him. Or ruin his life by other means, such as killing another driver or pedestrian.

YANBU OP. People don't like to be pulled up on stuff that they know is wrong. It's a shame he didn't respond appropriately.

OnlyLovers · 12/09/2014 16:17

If my young lad was approached by a woman having a go at him for using the phone I wouldn't be happy.

If I had a young lad I would hope to God he didn't hold his phone while driving, and I'd read him the riot act if I caught him doing it.

Even if you don't care about all the other drivers and pedestrians he might be putting in danger, don't you care about him?

ScrumpyBetty · 12/09/2014 16:19

Sportscar, so it would be okay for your son to break the law and potentially endanger lives by driving and being on a phone, you wouldn't be worried about that. You would be worried about someone actually pointing this out to your son, or. 'having a go' at him Confused

Op you are clearly NBU!