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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rant at her or just move on and forget

24 replies

AlexVause82 · 12/09/2014 12:09

There is a girl who did something pretty (link removed by MNHQ at OP's request) and went to prison for it.

She is out now and has a new job and has become super fit and constantly speaks about positive mental attitude etc. She has not made any kind of apology to people around her or on Facebook.

I have known this girl for a while and she has always been a shadey character who is completely untrustworthy, obviously now she is trying to change her life.

One of the people she ripped off was my grandfather, I really want to say something to her or should I just leave things lie?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 12/09/2014 12:14

keep out of it. she has done her time. you wont look very dignified if you try to get involved.

not great naming and shaming on here IMO.

AlpacaMyBags · 12/09/2014 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rainbowinmyroom · 12/09/2014 12:17

I'd call her out. What a scumbag. She's a pathetic crim.

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 12/09/2014 12:17

Well I did consider that, however people post links to news stories about murderers, child abusers and the like.

It is public information and is available on the internet so I don't believe I am doing anything wrong

OP posts:
rainbowinmyroom · 12/09/2014 12:17

It's a matter of public record what she's done.

WaffleWiffle · 12/09/2014 12:18

The bitterness shown by naming and shaming on this forum takes away from your upset.

She has served her time and that is the point of our penal system.

I am sorry what happened to your grandfather.

Move on.

SaucyJack · 12/09/2014 12:19

I don't get your problem with her trying to turn over a new leaf. Would you be less resentful if she was mugging old ladies for their handbags or selling meth?

MrsWinnibago · 12/09/2014 12:19

Not sure what her fitness has to do with anything?

YABU to give her the time of day though. Just ignore her and why are you friends with her on FB? Confused

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 12/09/2014 12:19

I have a right to be bitter, however I only provided the link as a way of explaining what happened rather than typong it out!

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexVause82 · 12/09/2014 12:21

I don't get your problem with her trying to turn over a new leaf

This isn't quite my problem.

My problem is that she is ranting about how great life is and how positive and good we should all be as humans when she has ruined so many peoples lives. People who are too scared to open the door now

OP posts:
madamemuddle · 12/09/2014 12:24

What are you trying to achieve?

If she has become super fit and is always talking about positive mental attitude then it sounds as if she realised she had a problem and has worked on it. Perhaps she hasn't apologised because she realises people (like you) will drag her through the mud and she doesn't want to rake up the past.

If she is a shady character (like you say she is) then she will cock up again no doubt.

Let it go. We all make mistakes. Unfortunately, some of us are more foolish than others.

ILovePud · 12/09/2014 12:24

For your own sake I wouldn't. You may not get the response you want and that might you feel even more angry and bitter. I'm so sorry your Granddad went through this and can understand where you are coming from but I'd just avoid having anything to do with her on Facebook or IRL. It could be that she is remorseful and is genuinely trying to move on but doesn't want to put out an apology because she's too ashamed or scared that this will open her up to getting a load of abuse. I'm not saying this to make excuses for her just offering an alternative explanation in-case it's her lack of apology which is eating away at you. Like the others have said I'd get the link taken off or the choice of whether to say something to her may be taken out of your hands as this may get back to her.

DoJo · 12/09/2014 12:24

I get why you are frustrated, and wanting to have your say is a natural response to someone you love being treated so badly, but I honestly can't see how confronting her would help. It might make you feel a bit better for a moment, but it won't change anything in the long run and it won't undo what she did.

rainbowinmyroom · 12/09/2014 12:24

Once a crim . . .

Call her out.

MelanieCheeks · 12/09/2014 12:25

Will anything you say to her actually change what happened?

It was a bad thing, people you know got hurt, but she was brought to justice and appears to be now trying to make a living without resorting to crime.

You can choose to be bitter, with understandable reasons, if you like. But it will do you little good.

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 12/09/2014 12:25

Fair enough, was just trying to get some perspective by asking you first

OP posts:
Original poster
AlexVause82 · 12/09/2014 12:26

P.S I have asked MN to edit my post by reporting my original post and leaving a comment. Not sure how else i can do this

OP posts:
LineRunner · 12/09/2014 12:28

Did she pay back your grandad?

Finola1step · 12/09/2014 12:30

By posting a link to the newspaper article and then later posting that she had stolen from your gf, you have outed yourself OP.

Time for a name change.

She got caught, served her time, everyone in her community will know. She's trying to turn over a new leaf. Cut her out of your life and leave her to hers.

HelloLA · 12/09/2014 12:48

I'd move on and ignore her, but for your own sake. Don't think of it as doing her a favour.

It made me really angry just reading that link, so I can't imagine how it feels when one of your grandparents was a victim. Scamming cancer charity donations and altering cheques from elderly people, ffs, and then trying to blame an ex-partner. It's pretty much a tick-list of morally reprehensible behaviour. I would be highly skeptical that a person capable of planning that would totally and genuinely change within a few years. But there's nothing you can do about that. Disengage and ignore, ignore, ignore.

OwlCapone · 12/09/2014 12:50

So, you think that people should not be allowed to serve their punishment for a crime and move on?
You think they should be hounded until the day they die?

DollyDreamboat · 12/09/2014 12:53

Really rainbow ?

DarceyBustle · 12/09/2014 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
AlexVause82 · 12/09/2014 13:56

You think they should be hounded until the day they die

No mention of hounding, simply sending them a message expressing my disappointment

OP posts:
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