To think my friend was rude to me.

[sunflower49]

I know I was being a bit U.

I don't go out on a night very often. A friend of mine goes out almost every night, to see local music acts and stuff.

Last night, last minute I decided i was going to go to one of the events that's on in our town.

I have a friend who I used to be very close to, but who's been a bit 'off' with me lately. I would have text him, but for various reasons I didn't. I thought he would be working last night, and it was an impromptu decision and I didn't text anybody apart from the one person I was meeting, and he doesn't usually go to the particular place I was going to. So I was being unreasonable and he was probably upset with me for not getting in touch. But I think he over-reacted to it.

When I had been there for an hour or so I saw him walk in, and went up, gave him a hug and a kiss and he said 'You didn't tell me you were out, you said you'd always text me when you were going to be out'.

I apologised, said I didn't think he would be around, asked how he was and stuff. He didn't reciprocate my hug, just stood there stiffly. Not long after that, I went over to where he was, he was talking to somebody else but I figured he'd include me, or their conversation would trail off and we'd talk then. But he didn't.

I'd been sitting there long enough to finish the drink I had just bought before going over, so I got up and went. A few minutes later, I went inside to buy another drink and he walked past me, ignored me totally, passed me to go to the loo-then I saw him leaving, as where I was standing faced the door.

AIBU to think that yes, I could see I should have got in touch but he over-reacted to it, and that he was being rude in retaliation?

I don't know if I should bother with him again. As I said he has been off with me recently , I may just contact him and ask if he meant to be rude last night, is anything wrong?We've been friends for about 10 years, he knows my DP and they're friends too.

He's supposed to be a friend, not a parole officer. You don't need to tell him when or where you are going to be at any point in time.

YANBU, he was being very rude, and a complete twat. You have NO obligation to contact certain friends to go out.

He sounds like he's too much like hard work, tbh.

I think YWBU to expect him to finish his conversation with his friend and talk to you instead.

Just all sounds a bit silly and childish really.

Do not contact him again. He needs to know that your world won't crumble without him in it - and if he's capable of this kind of churlish behaviour then you really can do without him in your life.

Thanks.

He never used to be like this. We've worked together, he knows my family, we've been really close over the years. He's changed it seems. I put a lot of value on friendships especially long-term ones like this. I'm probably being a bit soppy! I'm sad about this.

I'm not sure what you think you have done wrong? He behaved like a nob. I certainly don't feel I have to tell all my friends each time I go out, and he clearly doesn't feel he has to tell you when he is out, so why on earth should you contact him to let him know when you will be out? You are surely allowed to have a social life independent of him?

I didn't expect him to finish it to talk to me instead.

If a friend of mine came over whilst I was talking, I'd acknowledge them at least. I wasn't standing there waiting, I was just next to them, watching the act that was on. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt I suppose after he was off with me when he first arrived, if I had have gone and stood away from him, he may have thought I was being rude.

I think what I did wrong, was to not contact him. Because I used to be always out on a night , we often met up at the beginning and went out together . I can see why he may feel like I've 'dropped' him or been hurtful by not giving him a ring or text to ask if he was about.

Does this "friend" really think you should check in with him every time you go out? What a ridiculous notion. When I was an insecure teenager/early 20-something, I used to take it as a huge personal insult and cry in my room if my friends ever arranged anything without me, and was convinced they'd snubbed me deliberately. Looking back on it now, I cringe with horror at how needy I was and am not remotely surprised that I didn't have many friends - I was such hard work!

But your friend is a grown man, and should be past adolescent angst over popularity. It sounds like he has self-esteem issues, and that he got stroppy with you says far more about him than it does you. I'd not bother with him again. If he has issues and hasn't bothered to address them by this stage of his life, he probably never will, and it's just too much hard work to make people like that feel adequately included.

Why should you always text him if you go out?!?! Does he control you?

I think you're very well rid. He sounds like a controlling tosser. Weirdo.

Okay thanks folks.

If it was just an acquaintance, I wouldn't be bothered. It's because we had such a great relationship (so I thought) and his behaviour recently is really upsetting toward me.

I guess I'll chalk it up to experience.

I don't think I'd ever behave like he did last night. If I was upset with somebody for any reason I'd approach them about it. Ah well.