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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be finding my husband hard to live with

6 replies

2boysandcounting1 · 12/09/2014 04:19

Im 7 months pregnant and can't sleep. I had a fall out with my husband last night. He got home from work just before 7 as he had a meeting. He usually finishes at 4 but had to wait for a meeting from5-6. I was in alot of pain yesterday with spd and also a sharp pain low down maybe ligament pain i'm not sure but he told me they were not being paid for the meeting and i admit i wasn't happy as i had been on my own for 3 hours longer than i needed to be when i could hardly walk.
I have 2 other children aged 2 and 4 and my 4 year old is very challenging. Anyway i as probably unreasonable moaning about his work but by this time i was in alot of pain. Anyway he gets all moody and goes out the front door to drive off in his car( he always does this when we argue leaving me with the children). I asked him to not go as i needed his help as i had to put the boys to bed and he ignored me and went anyway.. I got upset my 4 year old was crying as he hadn't had a kiss off his dad. That's what annoys me, im left to pick up the pieces. I get the boys to bed and my husband comes back about half an hour later acting like nothing happened. His reason was he needed to get out. I said he hadn't been in the house 30 minutes i was the one that needed to have a break. It annoys me that he can just up abs leave when it suits. I said whatever issue he has with me he should still help get boys ready for bed. My 4 year old can take over 2 hours to settle for sleep.
If this was a one off i could maybe ignore it but it's not. Also he swears such as saying for fucks sake while my 4 year old is around. I told him not to swear in front of the boys but he ignores me. When he is calm he admits he shouldn't but nothing changes as there is always a next time.
Also he took our dog to the vets last week as i found a lump on her. I gave him some cash out of savings but it wasn't enough so he had to put it on credit card. When he got back i wanted to know how the dog was and all he went on about was how much money i had given him and was moody over that and he said you only love that stupid dog anyway. He doesn't think twice about putting things he needs for his car on the cars, i just find how he is so hurtful.
He also in an argument throws in my face he pays the bill( Im a SAHM only due to childcare costing more than my wage) that hurts. I tell him that when i took redundancy i used that payment as our deposit. Also i had an inheritance from my nan when she died and i used it to do our house up and buy furniture etc. I also gave him£1000 to put towards his car and another £1000 to pay off his credit card which had been used for car and house items. So although im not earning at the moment i so contribute in other ways.
I was wondering if he shows signs of a narcissistic personality? I don't know much about it but he seems to put his feelings first. For example i was having pains the other night and as i'm a bit worried about the birth mentioned to him and he says things like im stressing me out. Don't know what to do as i don't really want to leave him but can't live with him like this. He used to be so different when we first met. Please advise. Sorry if rambling. Just thoughts going through my head in the middle of the night.

OP posts:
2boysandcounting1 · 12/09/2014 04:28

Sorry i realised i should have split my paragraphs up more, i thought i had but i am on my phone.

OP posts:
RRRJ83 · 12/09/2014 04:34

Hello, sorry you're going through a tough time.

Have things been like this a long time? You obviously planned another baby, so you must have been happy with the family life before (massive assumption for me).

I don't know if he is narcissistic, but he is definitely selfish. It's unlikely to be narcissistic personality disorder if you say he hasn't been behaving like this before.

It sounds to me like he resents working. Bringing the money up is ridiculous. You can't both works! ,you're raising his children whilst he is at work. When he gets back he should help, especially at 7 months pregnant. I understand that you are frustrated with him. I sure would be.

What positive aspects does he have/bring to the table. Can you go away for a few days and leave him with the docs so be knows how much you do. Tell him you need a rest and a break from his selfish behaviour and see what he thinks to that.

RRRJ83 · 12/09/2014 04:35

Docs = dcs

RRRJ83 · 12/09/2014 04:37

I do feel angry for you. Is there anyone else who you could ask to have words with him, especially about not helping you just because he's moody.

Hide his car keys!?

2boysandcounting1 · 12/09/2014 06:31

I dont really have anyone else to tell in real life. My mom saw how he was when we all went on holiday during the summer and i got a sickness bug the night before we were due to come home and he was very unsympathetic towards me. Asking me to sort the boys out while he sorted something else out on that occasion i said i couldn't as i had pain from a kidney infection aswell

During the night i was crying in pain as i was sick but my back hurt aswell with my kidney and he told me to stop fussing and he needed his sleep as he had a long drive which i understood he did but i felt really ill.

He has been like this in the past but not when we met. On the morning my dad died my eldest was still a baby and i asked him to look after him while i sat with my dad and he even huffed about that as he wasted to go to our house which we had just bought at the time to sort stuff out! In between these times he is fine but in starting to see that there is always a next time and i have had enough of it but i don't know what to do as i have no income so don't know how i would live. Also like i said he can be nice and when he is i don't feel this way towards him.

OP posts:
Seriouslyffs · 12/09/2014 06:42

He sounds ok, just feeling the pressure of being the sole bread winner. Tbh normally home at 4, home that one occasion at 7- is loads more hands on support than most people.
What plans are you making to go back to work? Obviously not imminently, but are you up to date with your industry? Can you do evening work? Childmind?
And, this is brutal, no monte children!

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