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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have the Arse. Friends, birthday, arrangements and all that

17 replies

ViviPru · 11/09/2014 23:12

It's one of my closest friends (A)'s birthday next Thursday. AGES ago I agreed to visit another friend (B) this coming weekend who lives some distance away. Last week, A's husband invited DH, myself and some others all out for a meal this coming Saturday to celebrate A's birthday as a surprise for her. I was quite disappointed as I'd actually have preferred to go out with best friends close to home but had to decline as already had the commitment to visit B, I'd kind of assumed we'd be celebrating A's birthday the following weekend but her and DH are going on holiday.

ANYWAY, incidentally B (who had no knowledge of A's birthday meal etc) got in touch to say that she'd not realised I'd been at a festival last weekend so would understand if I didn't fancy travelling again so soon after especially as I'm 24 weeks pregnant so offered to come and stay here instead. Great I thought, no travelling and we can all go to A's birthday. A's husband extended the booking to accommodate B, DH and I and all was good and I've been really looking forward to it.

B then said yesterday she's bringing her DP to visit too. She would assume that was ok as they've occasionally visited together before, we don't know him well but he's been cycling with DH when he's here and they get on ok. Also she only sees him sporadically at weekends and she knows I'm sympathetic to them being keen to see eachother when they get chance.

A's DH said the restaurant can't extend the booking any more, so basically we can't go, I'm gutted. What's even more annoying is some other friends going have visitors too whom A doesn't know, so a couple of strangers will be there while her closest friends (us) aren't... I was kind of hoping A's DH would suggest maybe finding another restaurant that could accommodate us all but he's not mentioned it so sod it.

I know it's fundamentally just a chain of events that's no-ones fault really, but I'm just annoyed DH and I have to miss a rare night out with our best friends who we don't see enough of as it is as everyone's always so mad busy. If A was organising it, I'm pretty sure she'd have suggested finding a different restaurant. I think her DH isn't considering that possibly because its nearby to where one couple attending live who are relying on grandparental childcare, so restricted to their town where there also happens to be an annual event on that's packed out all the restaurants. I think he's probably had enough of all the to-ing and fro-ing too. He's generally a good egg but it's usually A who arranges their social lives and he's a bit out of his comfort zone.

There's nothing to be done except sit and mope at the annoyance of it all is there. The fact there's a small person sitting on my bladder probably isn't helping my rational mind. I want someone to be cross at. DH looks ripe... I just need an AIBU slap please.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 11/09/2014 23:18

Let B and her DP have a night to themselves while you go to the party. They're adults, they can amuse themselves for a while. You'll have the rest of the weekend to spend with them.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 11/09/2014 23:20

Hmm..around here you wouldnt be able to book a table for that many at another restaurant at such short notice.

Couldn't your friend's partner stay at your place with a take away while the rest of you go out for the meal, and just not be out all that late? Surely he'd understand because of change of plan at such short notice?

Surfsup1 · 11/09/2014 23:21

You could offer to book a different restaurant?

FlossyMoo · 11/09/2014 23:21

This is friend B's fault for not asking you in the first place if her partner can come and it is your fault for not saying no sorry the meal we have planned cannot accommodate any other guests.

It seems to me like you want everyone to accommodate your constant changes and you are blaming friend A's DH when frankly he has done enough. If YOU are bringing extra guests that were NOT invited by the birthday girl then I am afraid it is YOUR responsibility.

Blame yourself.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 11/09/2014 23:25

Or, if you can book a table, find somewhere to eat out the 4 or you and meet the others for a pre or post dinner drink/snack/pudding/moonlit walk in the park/dance/gift giving.

ViviPru · 11/09/2014 23:29

Thanks for suggestions, I don't think I could bring myself to go out without B or her DP when they've travelled some distance to visit us. I didn't think it would pose too big a problem to invite B as she and A are well aquainted and the evening had already taken on a bit of an all-comers-welcome guise when childcare couple asked if it was ok to bring along their group of unknown visitors. At that stage I don't think anyone realised that extending the booking would be an issue as it's usually a fairly sleepy town... I realise asking A's DH to accommodate B's DP at this late stage was pushing it...

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 11/09/2014 23:29

I'm with Midnite Scribbler. If you're all really good friends B and her H should be fine on their own. Or meet later, after the eating bit of the meal? I appreciate you're 24 weeks upduffed and probably don't feel like a late-ey though.

AlpacaLypse · 11/09/2014 23:29

x posted

ViviPru · 11/09/2014 23:30

That's what I've done, Ye, I was feeling hard done by but you're right it's the best compromise.

OP posts:
mommy2ash · 11/09/2014 23:36

I wouldn't dream of expecting someone to change the location of a birthday meal to accommodate the partner of someone who wasn't even invited In the first place. yabu to even think he should offer to do that.

I would go to the birthday with your partner and let friend b and her partner Go to eat elsewhere. if there are drinks after the meal you can all meet up then. surely they would understand if she was the one who changed plans last minute

YeGodsAndLittleFishes · 11/09/2014 23:37

Hope you all have a great night! :)

BlackeyedSusan · 11/09/2014 23:42

have you spoken to the restaurant. if they hear they will lose three bookings for the sake of one more they may jiggle thisngs about abit.

iK8 · 11/09/2014 23:45

I'd ring the restaurant to see if they definitely couldn't squeeze in one more.

But I'm a cheeky bugger with no shame.

whois · 12/09/2014 01:22

Oh defo don't leave B and her DP alone while you go to the birthday meal! That's mega uncool since she is coming to see you.

I'd try and all go for pre or post drinks with the birthday group and eat the 4 of you near by.

Surfsup1 · 12/09/2014 01:38

Or maybe try to book a separate but adjacent table at the restaurant?

ViviPru · 12/09/2014 07:22

I wouldn't dream of expecting someone to change the location of a birthday meal to accommodate the partner of someone who wasn't even invited In the first place.

No, ordinarily neither would I, but in this instance, its not really to accommodate B's DP, it would be to accommodate DH and I; A's DH understands we're over a barrel a bit and wouldn't expect us to come without B/Her DH.

Of all parties concerned, it is A's DH and I that are the oldest, closest friends (and our spouses by extension over the years) so that's why I didn't think it too cheeky to hope to be accommodated, a request I may add that was worded with sincere apology and made clear that I understood it was pushing it.

I'd been looking forward to a nice sit-down meal out but I guess I can woman up and stand around in packed pubs afterwards hearing about how nice the meal was, even though it will be WAY PAST MY BEDTIME.

OP posts:
Surfsup1 · 12/09/2014 08:03

I wouldn't dream of expecting someone to change the location of a birthday meal to accommodate the partner of someone who wasn't even invited In the first place.
On the other hand, if my DH was organising a surprise dinner for my bday and chose to exclude my closest friends (due to number constraints) rather than just changing venues I'd be a bit disappointed.

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