How soon is too soon

[Namechngedforthis]

So DP and I have broken up. We were together a year and it was the most serious relationship I have ever had we had moved in together and were talking about marriage. I had fallen completely in love with him and the past 2 weeks we have been the unhappiest of my life, I had to take a couple of days off work and I haven't yet got through a day without tears. We won't be getting back together, this has been made very clear.

While I miss the deep feelings we had for each other, the love we shared and the closeness we had, at the moment I am really missing the physicality of having someone there, the sex, the holding each other in bed. So would I be completely unreasonable to go out and have sex with someone this weekend?

Your body,your choice. As long as you careful have fun!

I don't know. You're not going to get much real intimacy from a ONS, if that's what you're craving.
He may well shoot and leave, leaving you feeling like a used condom.

If you can have sex for the sake of sex only, there's no reason why not.

Thinking on this though,you may be hoping for something that might not happen. One night stands aren't really about being tender & loving but having sex. If it is just a quick fuck will you feel worse if you're feeling a bit fragile?

I can TOTALLY have sex for sex sake, and I know it's my choice and will always be careful and part of me thinks I should so I can get back on the proverbial horse (hopefully ) but then there's a little bit that thinks it might not have the desired effect and make me more unhappy.

i'd err with caution on this one as you still sound quite raw from the break up and might just end up feeling alone and sorry for yourself after sex with a stranger.

remember that ONS are not known for the warmth, physicality, shared closeness and holding that you currently crave.

give yourself a bit more time. the tears will pass and you will come out of this the other end.

X-post with icelolly. I really don't know.

It's just I'm completely alone at the minute and I appear to be craving physical contact (completely unlike me) at the moment.

I've had one night stands before so I know what to expect.

I haven't yet got through a day without tears

Shagging a random isn't going to make you feel better if you're still crying everyday.

And I think that part of it is down to feeling vulnerable at the moment. Before I met him I was fucking invincible, my friends joked that I didn't have tear ducts, so maybe this is a way of seeing if I can be that invincible again.

I think it's probably not going to make you feel much better :(

I really don't think you'd be left feeling invincible by a ONS.

Is a one night stand really what you crave?

Have you considered something like a facial? Another human caring for you, being gentle and , well, loving in a completely non- sexual way.

Only you know what you are craving now. Hope you find what you need. xx

Here's what I'd do.

Get dressed up with a couple of good friends, go to a few nice bars, get chatted up, flirt. Go home with my mates, have a laugh about it, enjoy the ego boost.

Heartbreak is horrid, chin up.

It's what I always do but I have realised it is the love I am craving. Sex is not love. Your choice but it had always made me feel worse

I have a close friend who has a similar need and, I am afraid to say, it's got her in a bit of a mess over the last twenty years.

Problem is the ONSs never stop at one night; they always end up becoming relationships of some form or another as she just goes back and back to the ONS chap to get her fix of physical closeness. Of course, as a rule, you don't judge a ONS choice in the same way you might a potential partner: upshot is that she's spent years of her life with men who have nothing in common with her whatsoever.

So long as you can be sure you won't fall into this trap, I'd say ... do what you feel -- but, seriously, remember to use a condom. You don't want HPV on top of a broken heart.

I wouldn't. It won't make you feel better.
Why not do something that you really enjoy, that you can do on your own?
Go and see a film or stay at home and watch one or listen to great music.

I wouldn't. I have in your situation and having done it, I wouldn't again. Made it a lot worse. Look after yourself a lot while you feel like this. Hope it all gets better soon