To tell ds1 not to tell the teacher about 'bad behaviour'?

[EmeraldLion]

Ds1 is 6 and an old soul. He's very serious, sensible, likes lists and timetables and rules.

Last year in Year 1 he was chosen as the class representative for the school council - which decide the schools 'laws' and help enforce them in the class (making posters, suggesting activities to the teachers etc). Things like being kind, not littering etc.

He excelled at it and was in his element. This year though a different child has the chance to take part and he was very upset that he's not in the council anymore.

Anyway...this morning he told me he'd decided that if he can't help make the laws any more, he's still going to try to make sure his class behaves and no one is naughty to help his teacher out. When I asked how he's going to do this he said by always telling her when one of his classmates does something naughty, and that he already started doing this yesterday.

When I asked for examples of things he'd told her, it was 'Alex left his book on the carpet when we're not allowed' and 'Thomas was flicking water' and 'Evie was throwing a ball indoors'...that sort of thing. All of which he 'reported'. Apparantly his teacher has told him it's a good idea for him to do this.

So...I told him that if he ever, ever saw someone being mean to someone (or to him) he should always tell the teacher. Or if he saw anyone doing something really dangerous. But not to keep reporting his classmates for anything else, and that it's the teachers jobs to notice.

When he looked confused and asked why, I told him because other children don't like tell tales, and although I knew he meant well, the other children may not want to play with him if he was always reporting them.

AIBU?

I think that's quite a common trait at that age, but I totally agree with you. I also suspect if those are the sort of things he tells about the teacher will soon get irritated.

I tell my dc that the rule is: if it's dangerous, or if it effects you and you can't easily avoid it, then you tell. Saying "Millie has her painting in the way of Jack's" is none of your business, even if you think Millie is unhappy about the situation. Saying "Millie has her painting in the way of mine is only the right thing to do if: 1. moving yours over one way does not solve the problem. 2. You have asked her (nicely) if she can move and she has refused.

I also tell my dc that sometimes teachers (and I) ignore minor rule breaking for a reason you don't know. They do not want to be told the rule is being broken because then they have to either say they are letting it happen (in which case others may do it) or they have to stop the person doing it. I tell them this story.

My dm was a teacher, one day in her lesson she knew that one of the children on the back row was eating sweets. She had them in her pocket, and she was slipping them slowly into her mouth and sucking them. At the same time she was working hard, as was the rest of the room.
Dm knew that this girl's mum had gone into hospital for a make or break operation that morning*. The girl was very private and didn't want her friends to know, but the staff had been told.
So Dm ignored her eating sweets, there was no one next to her and it wasn't effecting anyone else.
After about 10 minutes, one of the girls put up her hand and told that this girl was eating sweets.
Result was this girl burst into tears and rushed out of the room, one of the other girls who unfortunately had been told by her parents what was going on promptly burst out "How can you be so mean, when her mum's probably going to die this morning?"... and well, you can imagine how much work got done by that form for the rest of the day.

Now eating sweets was against the rules. But how would you feel if you were in that class with them? They usually say they'd feel angry with the person telling, because the eating sweets made no difference to her.

*Just to note she did get better thankfully!