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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to take my DD to see her Gran and Grandpa on Saturday?

19 replies

proview · 10/09/2014 19:35

I am a regular but this will out me so I have name changed.

My DD is 16. She has done something amazing sports wise. She has achieved something at a very high level. I am massively proud of her and put some pictures of her at the event she was at on my facebook.

My sister lives 150 miles away from me and my mum and dad - mum and dad live 20 mins or so from me. My dad is very ill at the minute and frail and can't travel and my mum isn't confident to drive on her own. They are elderly (late 70's). My sister has 3 dd's from 3 different relationships, one is a year younger than my DD and then there's one of 7 and the baby is just turned 2. My sister's life is rather chaotic and she has issues in that I think she drinks too much and she smokes dope.

So I put a couple of pics up on facebook and my sister fb messaged me and said "wow she looks great"

So I said "yes doesn't she I'm very proud."

Sister then said "so you should be. I'm just annoyed I didn't get to see her in her kit"

And I said "I know - can't wait to get her over to mum and dad on Saturday for them to see her."

And my sister went batshit. Utterly completely bananas. I was rubbing her nose in it that none of her kids had achieved anything and it was typical of me to push my kids in all the time and that I was trying to push her and her kids out of my parent's lives.

So. AIBU to take DD in her kit to see her Gran and Grandpa on Saturday and to hell with my sister?

OP posts:
PumpkinBones · 10/09/2014 19:37

Yanbu.

StarSwirl92 · 10/09/2014 19:37

Of course you aren't, but you know that. Your sister is unreasonable.

picnicbasketcase · 10/09/2014 19:38

Wtf? So because your DD has achieved something she should stay away from her grandparents in case she gets praise from them? Is your sister usually this jealous and spiteful?

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/09/2014 19:38

Seems a bit of an odd turn for the conversation you were having to have taken.

I'd go ahead with what you had planned.

Ticktockblock · 10/09/2014 19:38

Yanbu to take your dd.

Yabu for mentioning your sisters DC each gave a different dad. It's really not relevant.

Original poster
proview · 10/09/2014 19:39

I know. :( I am just so sad. I feel like the pleasure of taking DD over to see them is spoilt. And if my sister rings while we are there she will rant and rave down the phone.

OP posts:
Original poster
proview · 10/09/2014 19:40

I only mentioned the different dad's as an indicator along with the dope and the drink as how chaotic her life is. I didn't mean to sound like I was judging her - I don't judge her for that but I do for the drink and the dope

OP posts:
Charitybelle · 10/09/2014 19:42

Wow, amazed that you even have to ask! This is not about you, it's about your sisters 'ishoos' about her own life. Doesn't sound like you've done anything wrong. You should be proud of your dd, enjoy her success and ignore your sis.

Thisismyfirsttime · 10/09/2014 19:43

You know yanbu, there is no question of that but are there other issues here? It seems odd that you'd mention she has 3 dc's by different fathers in a seemingly unrelated matter and I'm wondering if she lives so far away through choice? Yanbu though.

Original poster
proview · 10/09/2014 19:45

We all as a family spend a lot of time praising my sister and her kids for stuff, normal stuff, my parents when they were well used to go and stay and mind the kids for her, my dad has decorated her whole house and done her garden, for example.

I think she's jealous of me. Not that I'm anything special - I am divorced, work in a very ordinary job, but her jealousy seems to be around DD and her elder DD - she cannot have that my DD might do well at something without bringing up something that her DD has done.

OP posts:
Original poster
proview · 10/09/2014 19:46

She moved away when she met the father of her 2nd daughter.

She has mental health issues, I think, her behaviour is unstable at times. And she has form for flipping her nut at minor things and causing a whole row.

OP posts:
Teddybeau1988 · 10/09/2014 19:52

Of course yanbu OP

You have my sympathies. Last month SiL told me I shouldn't have let my dd2 show her grandparents how she can now ride her bike without stabilisers, as her DS can't. Hmm

Original poster
proview · 10/09/2014 19:55

Teddy - that's exactly like something she would do .

OP posts:
Thisismyfirsttime · 10/09/2014 21:07

Well in that case although this obviously isn't your fault you may have to just take it with a pinch of salt and crack on with what you are doing and ignore any outbursts like this. It's horrible when you have a family member who has issues that cause them to rant and rave over nothing but ultimately there doesn't seem to be anything you can do but ignore.

CrapBag · 10/09/2014 21:29

YANBU.

My dads ex used to smoke a lot of dope. She was the most paranoid person I ever met in my life and would read all sorts of bizarre, non existent things, into perfectly normal comments. She was quite exhausting at times.

Be proud of your DD, take her to see her GPs and ignore your sister. Is there anyway you can give your parents a heads up about it and ignore the phone when you go over?

She does sound jealous but that is not you or your DDs problem, its hers so let her get on with it.

feathermucker · 10/09/2014 22:04

YANBU, except to mention her children's parentage; it has no relevance. She may be jealous as you live closer?

mineofuselessinformation · 10/09/2014 22:06

If she kicks off, tell her that you're not going to let her spoil dd's moment.
YANBU.

pilates · 10/09/2014 22:22

YANBU

RJnomore · 10/09/2014 22:24

Ffs I thought this was going to be my 16yo doesn't want to visit her gps on a saturday cos she wants to see her friends am I bu to make her go.

No YANBU at all.

Congrats to your dd.

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