To chuck dps tobacco away

[Bambamboom]

Fed up of his smoking, he's 27 with a heart problem and smokes everyday although only when he gets the chance, somedays he will totally go without. It seems to me he's addicted to the habit rather than nicotine. Either way he needs to stop for his own health and my sanity.
Throwing them away and telling him he's quitting probably wasn't the best way to go about it...right? But he certainly needed a shove, he knows he needs to quit, the consultant told him so but he won't without me promoting. He said it should be his decision and I'm being unfair, is it a case of cruel to be kind or am I totally out of order?
either way it's probably pointless he will almost definitely go to work and smoke

Don't be daft. What do you think that will achieve? He will quit when he's ready, you can't force him.

its up to him, not you

I think you know the answer don't you.

How would you like it if someone did that (put you under that pressure) to you.

Wether I agree with your reasonings (and I do) is besides the point.

Good luck with his health though that must be a worry for you.

Last time I checked 27 meant you are an adult.

Yabu

He would never quit if I never mentioned it.
Not saying me throwing his tobacco away will make him quit, but felt I've made my point.

He won't quit unless he wants to. It'll just end in a row and he'll go out and buy more.

I know you're worried about his health, but you dated him knowing he smoked. You can't ask him to change now.

Mentioning it and throwing away his tobacco and telling him youve quit are not the same thing though are they.

I get why your thinking this way esp with his health so I'm not trying to bash you honestly

And when he was laying in hospital being told he was having a heart attack he decided he was quitting, then he forgot how scary that experience was and started again.
Suppose that's what addiction does to you.

Did he smoke when you got together? If so, butt out.
Smokers know the following:
Smoking will kill me
Smoking stinks
Smokers spend too much money on fags
Everyone hates me smoking
AND THEY STILL SMOKE!
Because they are addicted/don't care/like doing it.
So unless you genuinely think that telling someone to stop smoking is all it takes to give up, wise up. And replace his tobacco.

He didn't smoke when we got together. And if he didn't have the heart problem I wouldn't mind so long as it wasn't around me.
But yeah, probably shouldn't have thrown it away, I guess I thought doing something dramatic might make him realise how worried I am, I failed, I'm just the bitch that chucked his bacci away

Sadly Yabu. You can't force him (doesn't mean I don't agree with you)

Also, may I recommend the Alan Carr course. I did it and quit and I was the biggest smoker I ever knew.
I would have smoked in my sleep if I could have.
Perhaps suggest this, or buy him the book. Gently discussion and encouragement is the way to go. Not what you are doing.

what is it going to achieve? You'd have to keep him chained up in the house or with no access to money otherwise he's just going to go and buy more. So now you've wasted more money.

I used to smoke, I've been stopped now over 2 years. But I had many many MANY attempts to stop and I tell you this - someone trying to force you to stop NEVER works. Telling yourself that you really ought to stop never works. Feeling like you should when that feeling is accompanied by resentment over it because really you don't want to stop never works.

The only way to stop is to really really really want to. And even then it's bloody hard.

Nicotine is very addictive. If he smokes every day then unless he is a medical marvel, he has a physical addiction. He may not be a 60 a day chain smoker, but he is still addicted.

All you will achieve is either him being very angry or resenting you and possibly becoming a secret smoker.

He will not stop because you try to force it. Addicts have to find the strength in themselves.

You have every right to say what you will and will not accept, if continued smoking is a dealbreaker, you have the right to feel that. If you don't want to be forced to be a passive smoker you have that right, but you don't have any right to tell him that he is not allowed to smoke. That's not going to help. Addicts get very very cross about stuff like that

But fwiw, I have a great deal of sympathy with your position. Here is someone you love who is killing himself and probably a great deal faster than a 27yr old smoker without a heart condition. There would be something wrong with you if you weren't angry and worried.

Sorry but you have just derailed any good intentions he may have been working towards. He will now smoke a bit more, not to serve you right but to re establish control over his own life and addiction.

You can't do that to a smoker, they only have 1 speed - their own. I used to run a cessation clinic and it could take 12 weeks for someone to decide if they wanted to talk about how to quit.

You have done the exact opposite of what you intended... and you have probably insulted him much more than you can possibly imagine.

Your not a bitch but put yourself on the other side of the situation. You would be outraged if someone threw your wine/shoes/food/makeup....whatever away and said its bad for you you not doing that anymore!

Your immediate reaction would be F*CK you, I'm 27 and no one tells me what to do with my own body/shopping habits ect.

Even if you knew what the person was doing/saying was exactly right, it would be the principle, no?

I'm pretty sure he started smoking because everyone at work does it. I don't know why he did. I just find it odd (because I'm not addicted to nicotine) that knowing that continuing for him is more dangerous than for many other smokers and may result in him
Leaving me and dd behind well before his time is meant to be up isn't enough for him to at least see my point and try to quit. Just to see him try would be encouraging.
He'll probably smoke more now because I've stressed him out about his health.

But that's not to say that I don't get why you feel that way, honest!

He should want to give up for his health his family for you for himself

You shouldn't be forced to be on the the side if it either worried/passive smoking.

Exactly! What's your worst/dangerous habit bambam?

Why do you still do it knowing the above sentence is true?

What would you do if someone put pressure/forced to stop it?

The above situation could be about anything with anyone not just about smoking

Probably my sweet tooth, me being overweight is dangerous too, but I'm aware of it and I'm desperately trying to lose weight and at least realise that when people close to me try and encourage me to lose it it's because they care.
Guess if someone snatched a cream cake out of my hand and shoved it in the bin telling me "you can't eat that you're far too fat" id be pretty pissed.
Perhaps in his eyes that's what I've just done to him...whoops

Hi bambam

Don't feel too bad!

You love him and desperately want him to be healthy so you guys and your dd have a long life together that's all.

I was only pointing out that sometimes as humans when something is forced on us we immediately jump to the other side just because we can! Even if we know that is the wrong choice.

I really wish you luck with him because it must be very hard to watch him do something you know is so bad for him when (as you see it) a simple stop is the answer.

Oh and good luck on the weight loss it's a total bitch to lose isn't it!

Another vote here for Alan Carr as it changes the way you think about smoking. At the moment he's probably scared and stressed about his health and the future. The problem is smokers are conditioned into thinking they need nicotine as a crutch at times of stress so even though he knows he needs to quit he's probably feeling more like smoking then ever. Speaking from experience (i was the smoker) putting pressure on him is unlikely to work and probably have the opposite effect as he will be even more stressed. Someone who has never smoked will never really 'get it' It is possible to give up but its very hard and you have to really want to. Until he gets to that mindset somebody throwing your tobacco away would send you into a blind panic so not helpful although I totally understand why you did it.

Good luck too with your weight loss OP I've managed to give up smoking but I don't think I will ever have enough willpower to diet successfully. I liked smoking but I love chocolate!

If he won't quit,then LTB if it's that important. ie.cancer,copd,emphysema and general stinkyness.Oh by the way I hate the term bacci as in short for tobacco.It makes it sound like a snuggly, little comforting treat.

Even Alan Carr won't work if he's not ready to stop.
There is no cut and dried way to get somebody to stop but just chipping away everyday will make him stop and think.
Don't nag him but be sympathetic, he knows he needs to stop and he is probably very scared though he won't admit it.
I know it must be a worry for you and at least he knows how much you care.
Good luck with the weight loss, that will surely make him think as well, even though he may not acknowledge it.