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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she should have waited?

25 replies

WittyUsername102 · 10/09/2014 07:16

So I have a blog, and one of my readers (spoken to her before, acquaintance I guess) asked if she could copy one of my ideas. I said that would be fine, so long as she waited until after I was done posting (it was a series).

Fast forward to today, and I see she's already started posting. I sent a very long message, explaining that I was very busy right now, but I was planning to post my series quicker so she was able to then post hers. She replied saying 'I thought you were done because you hadn't posted one in like 5 days' (I had posted one that very day).

When I explained I had posted one and had been busy (so I wasn't posting as fast as she might like), she said 'well I wasn't going to wait a month when I asked to do it two weeks ago'. I then pointed out that the fact she thought I hadn't posted for 5 days when she posted hers, doesn't mean she would be waiting a month, and that she asked me 6 days ago, not two weeks.

I then apologised and explained my reasons for being busy (DH working longer hours so I'm doing all house/kid work, plus my mum are in hospital so visiting them), and then added on the end if she planned to apologise. She replied saying that my personal life is irrelevant, and that there's no reason for her to be sorry.

AIBU or is she?

OP posts:
Coughle · 10/09/2014 07:19

You both sound U.

She didn't need to ask at all, as odds are it's not an idea that's original to you.

But since she was polite enough to do so in the first place, yes it would have been nice to wait. Not necessary though.

FranksWife · 10/09/2014 08:00

I don't really understand blogs, but could you make a comment on her blog that you liked her 'copy', but as the original, yours is better because of XYZ', then link to your blog.

Youv'e learned the lesson in being nice, in future don't share. Business is business as she's so blatantly shown.

MelanieCheeks · 10/09/2014 08:03

Sorry, blogs are not copyrighted, once you've released somthing onto the internet you have no control over what happens to it.

poolomoomon · 10/09/2014 08:19

Depends really. Was your idea original or did you copy someone else? If the former I wouldn't have been as kind as you were and allowed her to copy at all. Blogging is still business, you can't allow other businesses to come and trample on your business.

If the latter then yabu. She was polite enough to ask and really didn't have to do that at all. It's not an idea of your own creation so you can't really take it personally that she's done the same as you have.

splendide · 10/09/2014 08:28

Of course blogs attract copyright! No different legally to publishing work any other way.

hormonalandneedingcheese · 10/09/2014 08:46

Yanbu to think she could have waited and not got humpy when you took a few days. But you can't copywrite an idea, there's only a certain number of plot devices in the world and they are free for all. She did not need to ask permission that was a courtesy.

If she has taken word for word or action by action then it's different and is plagiarism. You can google livejournal stop plagiarism group for advice if she's done that. In fact if you look there you can see more information on copywrite and plagiarism.

It sounds like she's using the same idea which is fine though she could have waited or could acknowledge where the idea came from and link to your blog. Yanbu to be annoyed that she's acting humpy now, take your time and enjoy your writing.

Original poster
WittyUsername102 · 10/09/2014 16:06

I have no problem with her copying my idea. That really doesn't bother me. It's just the fact that she said she'd wait an then didn't, and dismissed everything I pointed out with a different excuse (first that she hadn't seen my posts, then in her next reply she suddenly had and just didn't want to wait, etc.)

OP posts:
Original poster
WittyUsername102 · 10/09/2014 16:10

And my blog isn't any sort of business, just a fun thing I do.

OP posts:
KnackeredMuchly · 10/09/2014 18:06

Yabu, for someone that doesn't mind, you seem to mind a lot...

Bulbasaur · 10/09/2014 18:11

She was nice enough to ask you when she didn't need to.

Working in media, I can promise, every idea has been done before. It's how it's executed that counts.

Original poster
WittyUsername102 · 10/09/2014 18:39

KnackeredMuchly - Where did I say I mind? I didn't think I said that.

Bulbasaur - Except this isn't the media.. it's dance. I can promise there are many, many things in dance (also similar sports/arts like gymnastics, skating and rhythmic gymnastics) that haven't been done before. Many things that also won't be done for years to come. (Nice username by the way.. DS loves pokemon)

I guess maybe IABU. She was just so rude, it really upset me.

OP posts:
Original poster
WittyUsername102 · 10/09/2014 18:42

KnackeredMuchly, sorry, meant to say 'where did I say I didn't mind?'

OP posts:
FrootLoopy · 10/09/2014 18:44

Dance? Have you posted about her before?

Bulbasaur · 10/09/2014 19:00

(Nice username by the way.. DS loves pokemon)

Thanks! I was actually surprised this username wasn't taken. Grin

Well, even in dance, most things have the same core fundamentals. I guess it depends on how unique this is to the dance world. You could send a cease and desist notice and contact the website for copyright violation. But at the end of the day, you have millions of new and fantastic ideas you can generate. It's a shame she doesn't have any of her own.

KnackeredMuchly · 10/09/2014 19:10

"I have no problem with her copying my idea"

Original poster
WittyUsername102 · 10/09/2014 20:06

KnackeredMuchly - But this thread is about her waiting or not, not about her copying my idea.

FrootLoopy - No, but the dance world is pretty crazy, so I'm sure people have said similar..

Bulbasaur - Thanks for your nice words! :)

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 10/09/2014 20:18

Welcome to the Internet, it's all open and "up for grabs" once it's out there in the blogosphere.

21st century etiquette is very different, people just get in there, throw ideas around and knowledge/ideas/innovations are valued in a very different way.

It's more about connections and shared collaboration, not "this is my idea, this is your idea"

YANBU because its a huge culture change and the rules of the game are evolving before our eyes, so when people don't behave the way we want them to, it feels wrong... For a while.

Blame TBL, he's changed the world!

Original poster
WittyUsername102 · 12/09/2014 07:18

Hi, all. This was a copy of our conversation - because of MN I realised IABU, so I have apologised again. Just waiting to hear her reply.

Her: Hi, would you mind if I copied your idea?
Me: That would me no problem, but please wait until I'm done with posting mine.

  • 6 days later, I noticed she had started posting her 2 days ago -

Me: Hi, I noticed you posted 'your idea', I thought our agreement was that you'd wait until I was done posting mine? I don't mind the fact that you want to use my idea, I would just have really preferred it if once you had agreed to wait, you did - or had at least messaged me to say you were posting so I didn't end up being surprised by seeing it.
Her: I thought you were done with it cuz you haven't posted one in like 5 days

Me: Well, I actually posted one yesterday, and it's on the most recent page of my blog, so I'm not really sure how you missed it. It was also only the 6th one, so it could be assumed that it wasn't the last one. Sorry, I'm very busy right now, but I was planning to post it quicker because I know it's very annoying to be kept waiting.
Her: Well I wasn't gonna wait a month to post mine until you were finished when I posted 'something relevant to idea' 2 weeks ago. It's getting rather annoying.

Me: So why did you tell me you'd wait if you weren't going to? Today you said it was '5 days since I posted one', which would mean when you posted yours, you thought it was 3 days since I had posted one. That gives you no reason to think you would be waiting a month. And I also don't know how 'something relevant to idea' was up two weeks ago, when you posted the it after I posted my first post, which was 8 days ago? Again, I'm very sorry I've been busy - my personal life is hectic right now. I understand it can be annoying, but I'd just really appreciate it if you at least apologise for breaking our agreement - maybe we can come to a new one?
Her: I can do whatever I want it's my blog. Your personal life isn't even relevant to this. & what am I apologizing for? Sorry, is didn't realize posting on MY blog was a crime

Me: Hello again, sorry for what I said before. I hope we can move past this.

OP posts:
MelanieCheeks · 12/09/2014 10:02

So you had an unwritten agreement with someone you don't actually know?

I can see why you're a weeeee bit annoyed, but it was hardly a legally binding contract.

(Am intrigued by the blog though, as a dancer and dance-mom.....)

LRDtheFeministDragon · 12/09/2014 10:07

I can't quite follow how she could have known you weren't finished - maybe you should have specified an end date - but it sounds as if she was rude and knows it.

Blogs are copyrighted, aren't they? But whether the idea for something in them can be, I don't know.

I do think a lot of people are ignorant about this. I've seen student essays that stole from academic blogs, and had to explain that either you credit the blog, or you find the conventionally published version and credit that, or you don't use it. You can't just nick stuff and hope no-one notices, solely because it's online and not in print.

AnnieLobeseder · 12/09/2014 10:07

She sound rude and entitled, I'm not sure why you're trying to reach an "agreement" with someone who just wants to take your idea. Is there a reason you need to stay on good terms with her? I imagine that if you're not poised to lose money over her posting your idea there's not much you can do as regards copyright infringement.

BastardGoDarkly · 12/09/2014 10:59

I certainly wouldn't be apologising to her!

She's been rude and arsey, but it's not worth worrying about Op.

Original poster
WittyUsername102 · 12/09/2014 11:24

LRDtheFeministDragon - it involves a countdown sort of thing, like a top 10 for instance, and I was only on my 6th post and it reads 6/10.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 12/09/2014 11:30

Oh, well, that is really crap then.

I'd probably comment pointedly on her blog with a link to yours.

JessieMcJessie · 12/09/2014 11:35

She is being unreasonable by using the word "cuz".

Case closed.

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