To not let my son see his father this weekend

[FumingNeedToVent]

I am a long time MNer but have changed my name in case I am identified.

Anyhow, my son was due to go and see my ex-husband this weekend. Today, after two ignored texts, I text to see if it was still on and got a positive reply. All good I thought. He then went on to say, could I send him down in some jeans as they were going out for a nice meal. I said that was I possible as my DS hates jeans and lives in track is bottoms and shorts. I said he was welcome to buy some and try himself thought. But no, he was insistent that I buy and supply them. A bit rich from the man who has given me £70 in maintenance over the last two years.

Anyway, he then went on to say that our son looked like a chav reject and had turned up last time in too small clothes that were dirty (funny that seeing as they were straight out of the tumble drier). He hasn't even called our son to ask how secondary school has gone. He lives with several school age children (his partner's) so no excuse that he has forgotten.

So what do you recon MNers, AIBU? I just don't think he likes his son very much.

It's funny how the OP's ex can only manage £5 a week maintenance but can go out to restaurants. That's what would bug me!

OP your response should be "I can't afford jeans as his father doesn't help me out "

As for your question OP, no you can't stop your son seeing his Dad, no matter what kind of a prick the Dad is. Let him see his Dad with no negativity from you and eventually, one day, your ex's mask will slip and your son will see what a cock he is. He has to be allowed to do this of his own accord.

Also- don't give up with the CSA. Think backpay.

Send him anyway. If you can't afford jeans or don't want to buy them (either is valid) then just ignore. It's a shame he's talked in those terms about his son. I would point out to him that he has equal responsibility for feeding and clothing him, or at least, should have....

(oh, and I was disappointed not to read a thread about how you were planning to stop your son seeing your grandchild!)

I think it's important to accept teens as they are when in a family group, including letting them wear what they want. Some attempt at being smart for weddings, funerals, work, school and ticket events like prom is enough to ask of them. Family should accept one another's clothes and not need to dress up or 'make an effort' to enjoy each other's company imo. It is rude of his dad to comment on his son's dress sense.

Thanks for the responses, I will definitely check out Zara. As for the jeans I suddenly remembered a bag of clothes that DPs sister gave me recently and in it were some nearly new jeans that her son had grown out of. For the sake of DS not having to hear snide remarks I will send them down with a nice tshirt. We had a long talk last night and he is determined to go.

Glad you've realised about you realised you have some jeans DS can take. Then it's up to ex to get him into them.

On the rest of your posts I really don't think you should let your ex off maintenance payments. Your DS is his equal financial responsibility.

It is going to be hard to get him in to them. When I remembered about the bag of clothes and found the jeans I debated for a while what to do but think it's in DSs best interests to send them.

As for the CSA, I will be calling them every 2 weeks until this is sorted.

I don't think you should prevent contact because of this sort of issue. Your son is 11 and obviously wants to spend time with his dad. Even with the CSA thing try and keep it separate from contact.
But totally feel for you as my ds's dad is tight as fuck.

An update. My son was insistent that he see his dad so I reluctantly agreed and his dad was due to pick him up from school at 3.15. At 2.40 I received a text saying he was stuck at junction 24, needed to be back home by 6 so could I drop at junction 22, you need to come off at junction 19 for where we live. I refused as I had a meeting with the teacher after school plus I don't drive due to having epilepsy, my normal "chauffeur" was busy and his past behaviour means I am not exactly keen on doing him favours. Just last night he sent me an extremely rude text.

So he turned round and went home, basically choosing a meal over his son This was after calling me a terrible parent. I just wish I had listened to my instinct but it's so hard when my son is pleading to go down. He was very upset but my partner is taking him mountain biking tomorrow so that has cheered him up.

The man's a tosser. Your poor son, I don't know how parents like this can live with themselves, have they no shame? At least he has a lovely mum who accepts him for who he is, loves him unconditionally, and respects him enough to discuss things and let him make his own decisions. That is invaluable as a teen.

Your poor son - sounds like your ex is incapable of putting him first.

However, I agree with the poster urging you not to give up in your pursuit of maintenance. Even if you can manage without the £5 a week (which, let's face it, you have to be able to seeing as he isn't even paying that), it is your son's right to be financially supported by his father, so even if you just put it all in an account for him when he is older, you should defend that right as much as you can.

Well he can just go fuck himself can't he?

We've edited the title of this thread just to correct the OP's typo. She obviously meant 'father' not 'son' at the second mention.